Are You Self-Sabotaging? 4 Questions to Ask Yourself

Hey Friend!

Are you self-sabotaging? What is self-sabotage? 

It is that moment when you stop yourself and get in your own way. You end up making excuses like “I can’t,” “I shouldn’t,” or “I won’t.”

It’s everything that keeps us from growing, trying, or stepping into something we are called to do. We lean away from opportunities that we were supposed to say yes to. That is self-sabotage.

Do you think you are self-sabotaging? Let’s examine ourselves and ask ourselves these four questions to help us get out of our way. 

Grab a notebook and pen. Let’s dive in!!

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Are You Self-Sabotaging? Ask Yourself These 4 Questions to Find Out

Dictionary.com defines self-sabotage as the act or habit of behaving in a way that interferes directly with one’s own goals, well-being, relationships, etc. 

As a verb, self-sabotage is defined as behaving, especially habitually or compulsively, in a way that interferes directly with your goals, well-being, and relationships. 

When you hear that, you probably think that you never want to intentionally self-sabotage. But the reality is that we often do this, or maybe you already do.

Wherever you are right now, let’s dive deep into these 4 questions I want you to ask yourself and journal over.

Remember to take action when journaling; don’t just write down your thoughts without following through. I want you to take action to stop self-sabotage and start growing into success.

Question #1: Am I Coachable? Am I Willing to Hear Feedback Without Taking It Personally?

When I had my first real business coach and mentor, I reached a point where I no longer wanted to do 1:1 coaching with my students. I was maxed out with work and utterly burnt out.

I wanted to shift to the course model for my online business, but I was so scared because I thought my students wouldn’t get results without actually meeting with me in a 1:1 coaching setting. 

After I explained this to her, my coach looked me in the face and said, “You are so selfish to think that you cannot help multiple people at once, and you have to sit there and work 1:1 with people. You could be helping many more people simultaneously if you moved into what you already know you want to do.”

I was furious with her. 

Comfort zones affect growth

But that memory is highlighted in my mind because now I realize she was 100% right. Sometimes, we need to take this step of faith, a step in a different direction, and allow coaching to take place.

It was scary for me then because I feared I wouldn’t make that much money using a different model (like online courses). I was scared because I didn’t think people could get results without me holding their hands and coaching them one-on-one. 

I was really in my comfort zone, but a comfort zone that didn’t allow me to stretch and grow because I was fearful of moving beyond that zone. And when we find ourselves in that place, we often become uncoachable. It means we are unwilling to hear the things we need to change. 

Now, when I am in a room with people who are farther along than me and doing the things that I want to be doing, I raise my hand and think, “What do I need to do and change so I can get where you are?” I am so excited to hear constructive criticism or positive criticism because it is an opportunity for me to learn. People who are further along on the journey can be such wise counsel. 

So the question is, are you coachable and willing to hear feedback without taking it personally? 

If the answer is no, do some work on this. The faster you are willing to be coached by the people God has placed in your life and the people you trust, the sooner you can get out of your own way and stop self-sabotaging. 

Question #2: Am I Fixated on Where I Want to Go So Much That I Am Missing What Has Been Given to Me?

I think one of the biggest ways that we self-sabotage is that we fixate on all the things we want. We think: 

• When I become this… 
• Why don’t I have this?
• She has all this. 
• This is what I want. 
• This is where I want to be. 

We can be so hyper-fixated on the “when” that we can miss the “right now”.

This is a huge form of self-sabotage because there is no joy in continual pursuit and striving. The only true God-given joy is in the journey right now. I truly believe that. Do you? 

You will succeed and grow more when you are joyful in the moment. Don’t be so hyper-fixated that you miss the blessing already in front of you.

Question #3: Do You Say Yes to Everything and Everyone Around You?

Are you consistently running, trying to catch up 24/7? If yes, you are self-sabotaging. It also goes the other way around. Do you say no too often? Are you painfully introverted to the point that you say no to every opportunity? 

What are your non-negotiables? What is your list of the things that make you the most incredible human you can be? 

My list of non-negotiables includes:

• Time with God daily
• Workout 4-5 times a week
• Eating clean food
• ______  number of work hours per week
• ______ number of hours for family time each week

What are your non-negotiables?

My life varies; it’s not static. We are human beings, and we have different obligations at different times. However, my five non-negotiables are set in place every week. If I don’t have time for everything else, then I just don’t have time, but I don’t skip out on my five non-negotiables.

So, what are your non-negotiables? Write this down in your journal:

What is the life you want to lead? 

What is success for you? Define it. 

What schedule supports the success story you want to write for yourself? 

Now, create that life, that vision for yourself, and then start living it. You are the only person who can change that schedule and the only person who can say no to yourself.

You are the only person who can determine your boundaries. When you do that work, you create intentionality and focus in your life to show up bigger and better. This is how you stop the self-sabotage. When you stop that, you’ll also stop perfectionism or people-pleasing. These all play off one another. 

Non-negotiables and boundaries protect you from all of our human tendencies. Boundaries are important, but not negatively or selfishly, but rather in a healthy, protective way for what God has already given you and what He has called you to do. 

So, if you don’t have a non-negotiable list, build it and live it out as soon as possible. Create boundaries and protect them fiercely. This will change everything for you.

Question #4: Am I Self-Sabotaging by Overlearning and Not Taking Action?

Are you the person who buys 10 courses and finishes half of them but does not implement anything?

Are you overlearning and not taking action or too much action without learning?

The easiest way to self-sabotage is to get stuck in one or the other. You have to find the beautiful balance and harmony between taking big action and learning the next right step. Be willing to take a lot of action, but also be willing to pause and pray through it. 

Ask God

It’s a harmony of learning, pausing, and also taking big courageous action. 

How do you do that?

Ask God. He is an incredible leader in your life. He is the best mentor. And He will help you every step of the way. If you know you are an overlearner and not an action taker, ask God to help you take action and show you your next step. 

Pray this prayer.

“Lord, help me pause and help me to rest. I’m an action taker and having a hard time right now. Help me to pause and find the next mentor in my life who will help me learn and pause at the right time.”

Work on whichever one you lean less into—an action taker or a learner. I challenge you to find that harmony and lean more in the direction you aren’t leaning into right now.

I always want to take action. Today, I was on a mastermind call that included breakout sessions fighting the thought that I should just get off the call because I had all this other work. 

I typically lean into action, but on this day, I thought, “No, I need to commit to and lean into the learning this year. I need to be here and present. It’s okay if I don’t take action for 45 more minutes.”

I stretch myself in those moments when I want to indulge my comfort zone tendencies, pushing myself to do the opposite. When we stretch beyond our comfort zone, we become balanced business owners. We also become more purposeful and intentional. When it comes to creating fullness in our lives, we need to practice the things that are not necessarily natural for us but are healthy and good for us.

Recap on Self-Sabotaging

Are you self-sabotaging?

Did you answer any of the questions with a maybe, a yes, or a no?

1. Am I coachable and willing to hear feedback without taking it personally?
2. Am I fixated on where I want to go? 
3. Do I have focused non-negotiables that I build my life around?
4. Am I overlearning and not taking action, or am I taking too much action and not learning enough?

There is so much growth in the uncomfortable stretch. This might feel triggering, and you may feel annoyed at yourself, but you will stay there forever without being willing to see the areas you need to address.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, hoping something will change. It’s time to make a change and stop the self-sabotage. I will tell you I was not coachable for many years. But I am so proud that I am now coachable and willing to hear from others how I can improve.

I now want to learn from those who have gone before me and am willing to put my ego aside. I had to be intentional and practice. It wasn’t easy, and I failed, but I got better. I was willing to practice, and I have now stopped self-sabotaging.

And guess what? 

• My revenue is better
• My attitude is better
• I am generally a more well-rounded person who gives back

Are you willing to fail forward?

You are putting yourself in a box if you are not coachable. I used to struggle with wanting to be perfect, but it’s not that. It’s about being honest with yourself. What do I need to change, and what work needs to be done? You will feel incredible looking at yourself in the mirror and answering all these questions with a resounding yes!

Are you willing to fail forward, working from a place of health in your mindset and body? Health in the way you show up for your work and the willingness to learn and take action. It’s all available for you. It begins with hard work and the desire to change. 

If you struggle to figure this out or find yourself making excuses and engaging in more self-sabotage, I invite you to check out my course, Clarify Your Calling. You’ll have a clearer understanding of God’s unique calling on your life, and you’ll avoid participating in any type of self-defeating behavior. I will walk you through discovering your God-led calling and help you create a five-tier brand map to provide clarity for your God-led success in business. 

I pray this blesses you!

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