We’ve all felt less-than, worthless, ugly, fat, skinny…insert (limiting belief) here, yeah? It’s time to let go of perfection and step into who God created us to be.
In this episode, my gal-pal Rebekah Buege from the Confidently SHE podcast talks us through God’s definition of beauty and how to release the false ideal of ‘perfectionism’.
It’s time to love ourselves just as we are!
I pray this blesses you!
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
What up girl, welcome to episode number 110. Today, I have a very special guest Rebekah Buege from Competently She podcast, and Rebekah and I are digging into letting go of that societal definition of perfection and stepping into God’s definition of beauty and worth. And I’m so excited to talk to her because she is just another woman of faith. And I love being able to collaborate with other women of God. You guys are going to really, really love this episode.
Before we dig in, let me read you the review of the week. This is a five star review left over on iTunes by Ashley K. I just listened to episode 67 today, and I love your content and honesty, because I was having similar struggles and listening to you talk about working through and overcoming obstacles in life. I can totally relate and connect. Thank you. Thanks, Ashley and girlfriend, have you shared this podcast over into your Instagram stories? Take a quick screenshot and put it up in your stories, tag me and I will share your share on my platform.
Thank you so much for the love. It helps us spread our mission and impact more girls just like us running businesses, being mamas and stepping into their truth. And Sis, have you claimed all your freebies yet? Have ya? I have free webinars for you, and I have a free, complete training on growing your following. I have so many things that can help you excel in your life and business. All you gotta do is become a success with Stefanie insider and claim all your free stuff.
Oh my goodness. Ladies, you heard all about the amazing Rebekah in the intro, and I’m super happy to be sitting here across from her kind of at 5:30 in the morning on this beautiful day. Hi Rebekah. Hey Stefanie. I’m so excited to be on the show. Well welcome, Rebekah and I were just talking off air about how I’m drinking iced coffee and she’s obsessed with hot coffee. And so strange like how you have like your own taste in coffee. Yeah. And especially like, I think that what your coffee drink is says so much about your personality, whether or not you’re a person of habit or a person of like go with the flow.
Like I always order the same thing, no matter what the temperature is outside, I’m at Starbucks, I get a soy chai latte with no water. And like, that’s what I get, no matter what. So that’s like, so telling of my personality, I think a little spicy thing you. Yeah. And it’s always the same thing. So I haven’t had a chai in a minute. Like that sounds really good. It’s so good. But I usually, so I’m always on the hunt for a really good chai, but honestly, this might sound like the ad, but Starbucks has like the best chai. I don’t know. I really like it. It’s not like too spicy. I don’t know.
I think I just love consistency and that’s why I love Starbucks. So I don’t know about y’all but I’m a fan. I’m totally cool with it. Yeah. I was like, maybe that makes me basic, but I don’t care. Well, welcome to the show. I’m so excited to talk to you this morning. You know, I just dig your podcast and your mission and I think let’s have you start kind of sharing with the community and the girls who you are, like, tell us your story.
How did you start your podcast and your mission and tell us all the things Rebekah? Yes. Okay. So officially my name is Rebekah Buege and I am all about body confidence and finding your identity first and foremost, in who God says you are, rather than all the conflicting, confusing messages that the world tells you, you should be as a woman. And the reason I started my podcast Confidently She is because a few years ago, I just realized all the lies that I had been living by and all these idols I had been chasing to try and make myself feel like I was worthy. And I was good enough, I guess, to deserve love and respect and success, you know, whatever that means.
So a few years ago I got out of a toxic relationship. And until that point, I always thought that I was pretty confident, like people would tell me that I’m attractive. You know, they’d be like, Oh, you’re so pretty, whatever. Oh, you’re so smart. Like I was a really good student. Always did well when I put my mind to something. But no matter what happened, I was always kind of left at the end of the day ike I accomplished my goals, but it just didn’t satisfy the way that I expected it to. And this toxic relationship really tore down my sense of self worth. It made me realize that confidence is not a personality trait that people are born with. It is a practice.
If you get out of that practice and you start listening to lies that other people are going to tell you about your worth and who you are and your value, you start to lose that confidence. And I got out of that relationship and I was like, I didn’t even recognize my own thoughts that I was having. I’m like, this is not how Rebekah thinks of herself. Like, why are you doubting everything? Why are you so insecure that you can’t even bear to be in the same room as a good looking woman because you’re criticizing yourself on the inside. Like, that’s not how you, who you used to be. So I had to take stock of exactly what happened to me over that, it was only like an eight month relationship, but man, he did a number on me in those eight months.
I realized I had lost my confidence. I was putting my confidence and my identity in who this guy said I was instead of who I really was. And so that journey of getting back to, okay, who am I? It’s not what this guy says. It’s not even what I say. And I think that’s where the world gets it wrong. We hear messages like, you know, you are enough. Yeah. Great. But like, according to who? I get to say I’m enough? Like that just doesn’t seem right. You know, like I don’t think I’m a credible source to just give myself worth, you know, like weird. So I looked to what I knew was true, which was the Bible I looked to God’s word.
I was like, all right, like He made me, so what does He say of me? And that process of rebuilding my identity on solid ground, something that is not going to change with the wind, something that’s not going to go away during a breakup, or if you get fired or you lose your job or, or something terrible happens in the world, like your identity can’t be shaken. So I went through this whole process of like rebuilding my confidence and really around my body image because he just, I mean, he was a piece of work, so he was not a good person to me during that time. And so he would always like compare me to other women.
I felt so insecure because I was always like, Oh, probably thinks like this girl is more attractive than me. And maybe if I change a certain part of me, he will love me more. It was always very on my body. It’s like, I have a nice body. Like looking back. I’m like, how did I fall for that? Like, but he just told me all these things that it was not, it was not a good time, but it made me realize that one of the biggest lies that we are told as women is that in order to like your body, you have to change certain parts of it.
And you have to look a certain way in order to like it. And the way I figured out that that was a lie is because my body did not change whatsoever. Right. I mean, the time I entered that relationship to when I got out of it, to when I rebuilt my confidence, like my body was always the same. It was, what am I believing about my body and how much of my self worth am I putting in whether or not my stomach has like a roll when I slouch over. You know, how much mental energy am I putting into this? And that’s where it really all started.
I was like, wow, I don’t have to spend, you know, hundreds of dollars on these different skin treatments to feel good in my body. Like I can just practice feeling good in my body. Like it was like this huge realization. And so I did all of this and then worked through that and I realized, you know, I think I probably did something pretty cool there. I want to do a podcast mainly. And this is probably like weird to think about, but this is just how my brain works. I’m like, I want to do a podcast and get this message out there for like my future daughters.
If I ever have daughters someday, like, I want to make sure that this message is available for them to hear if I die somehow and get to tell them morbid Rebekah thinking, like if I have kids and then I die, I want to make sure that I can speak to them from beyond the grave, my podcast. How long have you been podcasting? Sorry to interrupt. You just have to know, so I started it on my 25th birthday. So it would have been November 6th of 2017. And then did you get out of that relationship? Was it like just prior to that? So it was a year before that. So 2014 spring of 2014 ended the relationship. Oh my goodness, Rebekah, it was like three years, 2014 to 2017. Yeah. Three years.
I didn’t just get rid of that guy. So funny because I have such a similar story to that when I was roughly the same age range, I was dating this guy. It was the comparison that you’re not worthy. And I got breast implants because I thought this will make him love me. Right. And he, you know, I would have never been good enough, like similar to what you went through. Right. Interesting. And the reason I asked the time is it took me, I feel like almost every dark moment or like this worth that we’re seeking. It took me about a year of healing.
And I don’t know, because the women listening, I want you to take them through that healing journey. Like they’re in that moment right now, where they looked in the mirror and they’re like, and I’ve gone through this like multiple times in my life. It’s not just once I walked to the mirror, it’s like, you’ve refind yourself there sometimes. And you’ve fallen back. How do you feel? And how do you dig into God’s word to pull out the fuel you need to like grasp that new confident identity. Cause it sounds great, but like how do you do it?
So here I actually have my Bible with me and I tried to find some verses. That can be a good starting point, but really what it is I think that a lot of times we put a pressure on ourselves to feel okay, and to think positive thoughts and whatever. And it’s like, there’s pain that has a purpose. And then there’s just surface level suffering. So walking by the mirror and looking at yourself and going, Oh, I need to get my hair done. I need to, you know, fix this thing and now I’ve got wrinkles or, Oh, this part of my butt looks weird. You know, like the comparison and the criticism thoughts as you walk by the mirror, like that’s surface level suffering because you’re feeling like crap, but you’re not doing anything about it.
And just like thinking positively and being like, I’m enough, just the way I am and walking away. Like, that’s not totally helpful because you need to address that the wound is there and that the wound matters before you can start healing it. So what I did was start by saying like, okay, these are all the things that I am believing about myself. Like, you need to get real with yourself and get honest, okay, this let’s say you’re going through a breakup or you’re in the relationship and this guy is saying all these things about you, you know, saying that if you had bigger boobs, he would be more attracted to you.
I’m believing that I’m not enough the way I am, the way that I was created by God, I am feeling like that is not good enough. Right. And then, I mean, ask God to come into that with you and be like, show me truth. Like I can point to verses that helped me, but this is a human God thing. Like he wants to heal that for you. And the only way to do that is by acknowledging that it’s real, that it matters. This stuff matters so much. Like it’s not just some, Oh, I’m a woman and I’m insecure like, yeah, whatever. Yeah. Like this influences every other part of your life. And it distracts you from really fulfilling the purpose that you’re meant to do on this earth.
So this is not some small issue that can be pushed aside. So take the time, sit down for 30 minutes an hour and take like an inventory of all the negative thoughts and beliefs that you’re having. Not in a way to like, make yourself feel bad, but in a way that’s like, okay, this is really what’s going on. And, this is my starting point. And then where did these beliefs come from? Right. Because if you have negative beliefs about yourself, it did not come from God. It did not come from you. It came from some negative voice in your life. Right. And so then you map that back. Okay.
When was the first time we have, so we’ll use your breast implants story. As an example, when was the first time I felt like my boobs were too small because I felt that way. I’m a small chested lady and I felt like I was like, man, I’m not feminine because I don’t have big boobs. And it’s like, Whoa, hold on. That’s the belief that I’ve been carrying around. Where did that come from? Yeah. And I can tell you exactly when that guy I was dating was like, Oh, I think you’d be more balanced. Cause I have a big old booty and it’s awesome. And I love it now. But back in the day, you know, it was, Oh, you’re not balanced.
You know, you’re not proportionate. And so that’s where that limiting belief came in of like, Oh, proportion equals worth. That’s where that whole spiral started. And I can tell you so many more examples of that. Like I didn’t wear shorts for over a decade because a boy in a class said you have cellulite. And then I was super self conscious of having it, and I’m Bulgarian. Like sister’s got some hairy situations going on and I had a mustache by the age of, I don’t know. And this guy in one of my Bible studies actually in like, gosh, second grade was like, Oh, you have a mustache. And like pointed that out.
So then I was always subconscious of hair and my mom let me start shaving at a young age. And it’s like, all of those came from other people. Yes. And the healing process for me, I think I did recognize it. Like you said, you know, okay. This belief isn’t reality and you know, I don’t ever remember. And I’m very spiritual. I don’t ever remember, like saying to God, like help me love myself. I don’t remember that being a big piece of my healing process, but I can see how that would have gotten me to the end goal a lot faster, you know, to pray over that.
The other component for me was I would reframe the belief, like talk about all the reasons I love my legs and all the benefits of having, you know, a size small/B boobs. Like I can go to Zumba with just one sports bra. Now, you know, it seems silly, or like my legs, I love my legs because they allow me to walk and play with my kids and I can feel strong and I can run. And what if I didn’t have these amazing legs and kind of thinking of it in a new way, because that’s why God gave me these body parts. Right, right. It’s about the purpose of your body. Not just like the way it looks.
If you think about it from like a practical standpoint, like in Ecclesiastes 3:11, it says He has made everything beautiful in its time. So that includes you. Yeah. Right? Like I think that so often we’re just like, Oh, okay. That means like flowers and the mountain. And you know, like nature, no, everything. He said, He made everything beautiful in its time. So while you may not feel like your body looks beautiful, you are beautiful. Like, I think that we get so focused on the way things look that we forget about like what it really is. I think the fact that you have legs that can let you run around with your kids and stand in general, walk around, like that’s beautiful.
The function even of your body is a beautiful thing. And I think we just obsess over perfecting something that’s not even made to be perfect, that we lose sight of what its true intention is even for. And I can feel that some women listening might be like, okay, but it’s easy for someone who looks like you Rebekah to say, no, not about, you know what you look like forever because it’s like, you, you are good. It’s so easy for you to have confidence. Sure. No, that’s like another big lie, but it’s like, it’s not easy for anyone because here’s the thing.
When you are close to the “target of beauty,” that world has you obsess over those last few things and you feel like, because you’re like so close, you’re that much more of a failure because you can’t just figure out that last, you know, like if you’re running a marathon, it’s like that last half mile, like you’re so close. So like you have to get there and you have to get there and you control everything and you obsess over everything and you like the amount of mental space that my self consciousness used to take up was exhausting.
I wouldn’t go out with my friends unless I had time to like shave my legs first because I have German heritage and I’ve got a very hairy body. Some of my friends are like, Oh, like my gross. I haven’t shaved my legs in so long. And I’m like, dude, I can’t even see your leg hair. Like do not come with complaining about that. Like whatever. And so like I wouldn’t go out with people unless I had the time to shower, shave my legs. Like do my hair, make sure like all of these things. And then so what would that do? That would prevent me from spending time with friends and from like being an influence in the world.
So many women don’t show up in their business because they’re like, I don’t look good. It’s like newsflash, nobody listens to my podcast because of the way I look exactly. You know, like maybe some creepy dudes, but it’s like, I don’t want them to be listening, it’s not about that. Like focus on your message, the way you look like the right people are going to love you for what you’re doing, not what you look like doing it. And so that’s another lie that keeps us small. I think this is such a key point here because perfection, in my opinion is actually just a complete lie. I think that, and I’m really trying to normalize this with the content that I use on social.
I show up as my true self. Like I always have my gray hairs. I joke about, you know, I need to like shave my toes or my eyebrows are crazy today. And like, I call it wingding hair. And the funny thing is when I started embracing “imperfection,” all of these women started showing up the same as me like, Oh, well, if Stefanie can come on and still talk about content with her mama hair and she doesn’t care and she doesn’t have makeup on today, I guess I can too. It was like this permission slip to just be authentically you. And especially as moms, I’m like, you gotta twist it.
If you think I’m putting on my makeup every day to come talk to you guys on a live video, like don’t look at me, listen to me, like just hear me pour into you today. And I think when I let go of that ideal that we had to show up looking a certain way. It was so liberating for me. And then now I have like this mission of like anti perfection, because I think that is not what God created. He created a bunch of imperfect human beings and that makes up His perfect world. Like we can’t all look the same. We can all act the same, we can all have the same level of success in our businesses. We don’t have the same passion.
We’re all created so uniquely. And that is what beauty really is. Like, that’s where I’m at. I’m like perfection is just such a lie. Well, right. And, and like, thank God that we don’t all have the same passion. Right. Because then everyone would be talking about, you know, that passion and how boring. Right. And so I think also one of the big lies that I realized during that recovery part of my life was everyone has their own idea of what perfect looks like. And you will never meet everyone’s definitions because they’re conflicting. So this guy who I was dating thought that, you know, women who basically look like Kim Kardashian type of body types were like the most attractive body type. Okay.
Well, like not everyone is attracted to that type of body type. And so instead of me trying to force myself to be something that I’m not, I was like, why don’t I just be who I am and attract someone who’s into that. Because then I don’t have to like force myself to fit into a box that I was never designed to fit into. And the same is true with your business and the type of clients that you’re attracting. Like do you actually want to build a business where you feel like you have to show up with a full face of makeup, hair done, whatever in order for your people to like you probably not.
If you build a business like that, you’re going to feel trapped by it. You’re not going to feel free. That’s really, really key. I hope you guys are hearing that it’s show up as you authentically are and how you were created and the passions you have. And then those people come. Stop trying to show up for a certain type of person, because at the end of the day, that’s not going to be your person. And then you’re going to be resentful. I used to do a YouTube channel and I was very businessy. Did the hair and makeup. And those people that would follow me were like business dudes.
I’m like, like this isn’t the right market. This isn’t my avatar. But it’s because I was showing up in this fake way that wasn’t really who I am. Yeah. The way you thought you had to in order to be successful. And so, yeah, I mean, there is so many different levels of ways that it can go wrong, but I think the freedom in realizing it doesn’t have to be perfect. Is that what you think is perfect? Someone else is going to find a problem with, but then on the flip side, what you think is just like thrown together, like, well, whatever, this is just me, someone else is going to see that and be like, that is perfect and amazing and awesome. And I love it.
It’s like so cool. It’s so awesome. Like it’s actually really freeing when it’s like, I can just be myself and somebody out there is going to think it’s great. And those are the people you want to let your weird flag fly. You know, just you be you. I was talking to a client the other day and she was like, I’m scared of being too woo, woo. You know, cause she’s into crystals and all of that. And I was like, girl, let your weird woo fly. Cause you’re going to attract the right woo human to you. Like you need to step into your truth. So such a good message. I love it.
Last question, Rebekah, if there’s something you could tell yourself, like five years ago, when you were in that dark spot, what would you have said like older Rebekah. The spring to where you are in that moment? I would have said, hold on. So I was working through all of that stuff and I was getting to a really good place, but I was also getting really tired and really lonely. And then I started dating a guy who like, wasn’t really a Christian, but I want, I still wanted that validation. I wanted that attention and affection. And so I ended up dating him for like four years getting engaged.
I just broke off that engagement like six months ago. Oh wow. So now I’m like in this new place of like, okay, you gotta get back to this road that you were on, but you got distracted for a long time. And I’m thankful for all the lessons that I learned in that season. And I don’t regret that, but it’s like when you are going through pain and when you have chosen to turn that pain into like purposeful growth, hold onto it, get all the way through it. Like, don’t stop halfway because God is not going to let you skip that lesson.
He’s going to bring you back to that lesson until you learn it. And sometimes it takes you like three or four times. Like, you know, those people who always seem to be like in one bad relationship after the next, or like they keep like stumbling over the same block. It’s like, yeah, because God’s trying to teach you something. Right. And if you’re going through it, let Him use it to his fullest purpose because He’s going to grow, use so much through that pain if you let Him, but He’s not going to force it on you. So if I were to go back, I would say, Rebekah, you are on such a good path. Hold on, stay the course and trust that God has something better in store for you.
Then you can see in front of you right now. It’s like, you’re going back to that verse. You said earlier, like everything will be made beautiful in it’s time. Even your relationships. Right. That’s really great advice. Well, where can everybody find you come learn more about your show and connect with you. Yes. So I am on Instagram. It’s at Rebekah Buege, which my first name and last name are spelled like super weird and fun. I’m like, thanks, mom and dad, like, first of all, my last name is Buege. And then you choose to name me, Rebekah and spell it like the Bible. So like I have to explain every part of my name, so I spell it.
Then my podcast is Confidently She and that is on iTunes, Spotify. That’s that’s on all the places. I also am a body image and body confidence coach. So if this is something that you’re in and you’re like, I need accountability. Like I know I want to do this, but like, I don’t know how, that’s what I help women walk through that journey with God. So that’s her jam girls. That is my jam. I’ve been through it. I love that. Well, thank you so much, my friend, this has been awesome. Yes, this is wonderful. Thank you, Stefanie. I hope you guys loved that interview as much as I loved recording it.
Rebekah is such a blessing to us all. And her message is just so necessary. I think as women and mothers, we just have such a pressure and internal struggle that we deal with when it comes to loving ourselves and showing up as God intended and as God created us to be, versus what society tells us, we should be look like, act like. I’m all about claiming that imperfection and stepping into your truth.
So I want to pray over you that if you are struggling with image with body image, with feeling inadequate or that your business isn’t good enough, or that you don’t know enough to be successful or that you’re not worthy of blank, money love all those things that you dropped your knees and that God will surround you and cover you in purpose in confidence.
And in His light, I pray that He can clear your mind of these limiting beliefs and fuel your heart with purpose, with passion and with love that starts with you, with loving you, that God can kindly push you to relationships that are going to fill you and fuel you, and that He can help guide you in the right direction to living your most complete purposeful life. I am wrapping you up in a big hug, sending you so much love as always until next time. Love and light, Stef.