Leading is HUGE. As moms, we lead our kids. As coaches, creators, and service-provides we lead in our business. As bosssssses we lead teams, organizations, and employees.
What is interesting is that the word “leader” doesn’t come to mind when you ask me what I’m good at.
What’s even more interesting, is that I’ve actually been leading for over a decade, since corporate. Wait, who am I kidding? I’ve been leading since I was 5 – bossing all my cousins and classmates around. Haha.
I heard some incredible feedback recently from one of my P2P grads who said what impacted her the MOST from the program was watching me lead. That she saw humility and openness in my leadership and was moved to become more like me. *Que the tears*
That made me realize, I am a leader. And it’s time to own it.
Now, I’ve come a long way from the pushy, hustle-harder MLM days. The keep working, never rest ‘success coaches’. The lead from the front mantras. I’ve honestly gone through an evolution of leadership.
What happened from then to here? How do I let ego and disappointment go when I receive hard feedback, or even criticism? What does it look like to lead in a Godly way?
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
(00:00): Hey, ladies! Today, we’re going to talk a little bit about leadership, which is interesting because I’m like have I even had ever had a leadership episode and I don’t even know that I have, but I thought it was so interesting because one of my Podcast to Profit students, Susan Beth Morris, she told me some feedback that I thought was so intriguing. She gave me some feedback, shall I say, after P2P ended.
(00:26): And she said to me, Stef, I wanted to leave you with what I thought was the most impactful thing that you taught us or that you taught me. And it was how to lead with humility and openness and taking feedback in and just letting it flow and being able to pivot with such grace. And I was like, what did you just say to me? It blew my mind. Never in my life, did I think I’d hear the words you lead with humility, and openness. And so I thought, wow, let’s dissect that today. And let’s really talk about the evolution of leadership.
(02:04): Before we dig into all this leadership goodness, let me just remind you friends that if you have not yet leaped on starting a podcast and you’ve been hanging out with me for a hot minute, you know that you’re going to start a podcast, right? I mean, it is the number one way for you to grow an audience for you to connect, for you to cultivate, for you to honestly convert.
(02:30): Why? Because people will trust you when you show up just like this in all your messy authenticity and you teach and you share and you serve. And I believe that when you pick podcasting as your long form content, it allows you to blossom into whoever you’re meant to be but in your own way. There’s no judgment, there’s no video, there’s no likes or algorithms to battle. It’s just you showing up.
(02:56): And here’s what I’m here to tell you is that don’t have to do that by yourself because I have Podcast Pro University. It’s a full master course. I’m talking master course, taking you through the entire process of starting, launching and successfully creating a show that’s going to scale over the long term. My course, I truly believe is one of the best products for online female entrepreneurs, because I know how to help you guys with SEO and brainstorming and content mapping.
(03:31): I know how you can get seen and get visibility on other shows. I have a launch strategy that’s so easy, but it’s going to get you on the charts. All of that is inside Podcast Pro University. So if you have not left on that yet, you need to do it because the price is going up January 1st. And it’s going up quite a bit. So this is going to be your last few months that you can take advantage of Podcast Pro University at only $500, which truly is extremely undervalued for what’s inside of this course.
(04:03): You, guys, have seen the hundreds and hundreds of people that have gone through this program and dozens, I don’t even know dozens and dozens of them are ranking top 100, people are monetized. Like the success stories are limitless. So I know that this can get you to where you want to go faster than you could on your own. Go on over there, check it out, read the testimonies, pray over it. See if it might be for you. Again that is podcastprouniversity.com. I’ll meet you there.
(04:36): Let’s dig into leadership. Shall we? I first want to read you guys the definition of leadership, the position or function of a leader, a person who guides or directs a group, a person who guides or directs a group, the act or instance of leading, guiding or direction. So you may be sitting here thinking I don’t really have a team. I don’t really have people that I lead.
(05:06): I don’t have anybody working for me, but I want you to know that even as a podcaster, you are a leader. You are, you have people who are looking up to you. You have people who are learning from you, and maybe you’ve never coined yourself as a leader. Maybe you think of yourself as a teacher, trainer or mentor, but I want you to know you are a leader, whether or not you feel equipped to put on that label, it’s been given to you as a podcaster.
(05:34): And so what I think is so interesting as I was thinking about Susan’s feedback to me, of having these skills of humility and openness and leadership, I was thinking about my evolution. And I thought it might be interesting for you guys to take a little walk down history lane with me about leadership and what that has looked like for me, so that we can really out of that, some tips and tricks for you to fine tune your leadership capacity.
(06:04): If you go back eight years, when I started network marketing, I was a leader. I had people that were customers. I had people that were underneath me, organization-wise, I had a lot of people in my downline by four years into this position with my network marketing company, I had over a thousand people that were in my downline quote unquote, or my organization.
(06:26): And they were constantly saying like lead from the front, be the leader that never stops, work harder, hustle harder, show up, like push. And so I really embodied this like slave driver truly mentality. And it started with me cause I thought, well, if I stop working and I stopped pushing and showing up and not being on, it was Facebook at the time, Facebook tagging people, creating trainings, doing all these phone calls for them, they’re going to think I’m not working.
(07:00): So I just full fledged workaholic and I would push people and then I would highlight people that would do the same thing as me. So I had like three or four people in my downline who were just working round the clock nonstop. And instead of being like, Hey sister, like, should we take a break? Like, I feel like you haven’t hung out with your kids in a long time. I feel like you’re handing them a sucker so you can take that phone call again.
(07:27): No, it was like I was celebrating this behavior of idolizing busy and idolizing more and chasing after success and just all of that. And the thing was, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And I also definitely was not bringing my daily choices, my business the way I wanted to lead my life. It wasn’t bringing that to God before I acted, I was just acting and I was doing what everyone else was telling me to do when it came to leadership.
(07:56): So the first tip and takeaway for you is there is no one right way to be a leader. You get to define what being a leader means and what it looks like for you. So when I look at how I’m leading now, that is so incredibly drastically different from how I used to lead. I’m looking at my leadership through a lens of the ultimate goal of how I want to end up the ultimate goal of how I want to be here. Be in business, be a mom, be a wife.
(08:36): And recognizing that being a leader doesn’t just mean in my business. Yes. It means being a leader for all of you in life, being a Christ, like mentor that you can all look up to and asking myself, am I showing up in the capacity in which God would want all of my Lola’s to show up? And am I being open about that? And honest about it and vulnerable with them and real.
(09:06): And when I do those things, I then become more than a leader. I become relatable. And when I’m relatable to you guys, you see yourselves in me and then you start to do more of what I’m doing. You start to show up more fiercely. You start to believe in yourself just a little bit more, and you start to work harder while setting boundaries, while showing up for your family, while turning off your phone, getting into scripture and bringing your choices to God, which is literally everything that I want for you.
(09:39): So how did I get from weird, creepy hustle, harder Stef, Gary V wanna be over here to like chill Stef, because it’s so funnny, you could be like, Oh, you seem so chill about business and about like, but I didn’t use to be that way. And when Susan said to me, you have this humility and openness and grace about leadership. And she said, wow, like I want to be like that.
(10:07): And I thought to myself, how did I get there? Because I didn’t use to be that way. And so here are some tips that I have for you to begin to maybe navigate those waters as a leader, you’re going to get feedback. Okay, you’re going to get reviews on your podcasts, not all of them will be shiny. You’re going to get feedback as you run programs from people like I ran Podcast to Profit last time and I heard some feedback as we were about one month in that was like, when are we going to learn how to make money?
(10:44): And some of the people that were advanced in the group were eager to do that, obviously like I totally get that. And for a second, I was like, I took that personally, like what we are getting to money, I’m giving you the foundations. And it was like, I wanted to be defensive. But then when I took that to God for like a hot minute, I’m like, Lord help me filter this. It was so clear.
(11:08): It was like they joined this group to make money and it’s your responsibility to help them do this the right way and to have the foundations in place. And you just need to communicate that better and you need to move up the money segment so that we can get to it as quickly as possible without doing them a disservice.
(11:29): And it was like so clear and it wasn’t about me. And it wasn’t about my program. It was about what they wanted, what they wanted in their life. And the takeaway that they knew was going to create more transformation for them. And so what I was able to do is pop in that group and be like, sisters, I hear you.
(11:47): I know we’re going to get to money next week. I promise I moved some things around. We’re going to dig into money sooner, rather later. However, here’s why I’ve set this up the way that I have, because we have to have these foundations and because I received their feedback and made a tiny tweak, everybody was so happy. Everyone was like fully on board with me.
(12:10): They totally understood. We had this full, clear communication about what was coming. And they all had massive success because they trusted me. Brooke had a 11 K launch and I had Dolly made 5k and some others made a couple thousand in their launches and others have their programs now.
(12:27): And like the point is when you receive feedback as a leader and it’s not shiny and good, you have to filter it through. I believe, take it to God first in prayer, then filter it through, how can I make this constructive and open and then realize, what do I need to either communicate number one? Or what do I actually need to change?
(12:56): Because I did have this money segment slated for later in the program. And I actually pulled it in a week or two because I heard them and I saw them and I felt them and they were right. And they needed that. But at the same time, I needed to openly communicate as to why it was where it was in the program.
(13:14): So number two I gave you number one earlier. Number two is that you need to take feedback and filter it through prayer and then constructively communicate why it is what it is, and then ask yourself what needs to change, what truths are there in this feedback.
(13:38): So remove your filter of defense as a leader, the sooner you are willing to drop ego and drop your defense mechanisms and just receive, be open, like, how is everybody feeling? What does everybody need? How are you guys here in my audience? How are you feeling? Are you getting enough? What do you need more of? What do you not like? Is there something happening for you that isn’t sitting right? Tell me.
(14:09): And then when you get that feedback, you have to be willing to receive it without taking it personally. And I am the queen. I am the queen of taking things personally. And I used to be really, really bad, I mean, anytime, anyone would say anything, I’d like take it so personally and it’s like, Oh my gosh. Half the time, it’s not even about us as leaders. Okay. It’s not even about us when somebody goes and leaves you a negative review.
(14:46): For example, here, I’ll give you guys a visual. So somebody, I did The Truth Seekers Series, which I’m really struggling with that last episode in there if I should literally delete it and here’s why. In there, she talks about open-minded yoga and how she was using the practice, which does have pagan roots, I get it and not understanding what she was channeling by using open minded meditation and open-minded yoga and using the chanting and all of the things.
(15:20): And it turned out to be a really bad experience for her. So she’s sharing this in that episode. Well, I got like three or four emails from people who were so angry like you mentioned yoga, meditation, like I’m out. This is so ridiculous. This is so judgmental like you don’t get it, there’s holy yoga, people were super angry. And I took that so heavy at first as a leader, like, Oh my gosh, like I’ve done a disservice to my community.
(15:48): They’re feeling judged. They’re feeling hated on. And I totally freaked out. And I went back to the episode and I deleted portions of the episode, but I didn’t take it down. I’m like, there’s been something on my heart for a while of like, God hasn’t given me permission to take it down yet. Maybe He won’t. I don’t know. But I asked myself like, when you guys receive feedback again, we’ve got to filter it.
(16:17): So took it to God, number one, and was like, what is going on with this episode? Like you asked me to do this Truth Seeker Series. He sent me Ashley to talk to. We did the episode. Yes, it was a little deep. Yes, it can be a little bit cray-cray for some who are like, what’s happening? I get it.
(16:36): However, I do think there are truths in that episode that people can choose to take or choose to leave, you know, like when we’re ready to see, we can see. And do I think that yoga is evil for every single human being? No, just like, I don’t think Christmas or even Halloween is evil for every single person. Like we do Halloween. It’s fine. It’s a time to come together and we get candy and everybody dresses up and has fun.
(17:04): We don’t do like, you know, crazy, scary stuff associated with it. You can take anything and make good from it. I mean, honestly friends, every single thing has pagan roots if we’re going to be really honest here. And so for me, I’m kind of in this like gray space of like, look, I hear you and I see that, like, I see how that could be dangerous, but I’m also not going to tell someone what’s right or wrong for them.
(17:31): I think that people can get to that on their own conclusion. They can have that discussion with God and they can choose. So got that feedback. And so I was like, okay, did I say this in a way that felt judgmental or that wasn’t godly? And I don’t think that I did. I don’t think that that’s how that episode came out so I felt okay about that.
(17:55): And then there was the second piece. So that was like, did I clearly communicate to those people in my audience who maybe they do do open minded meditation. They’re not meditating on the word necessarily, but like just full channeling, that type of stuff. Did I openly communicate anything to them? And the answer was no.
(18:16): So if you look at yourself as a leader and you find a weak spot and you find a blind spot, you then just need to address it. So this is me addressing that right now saying that as leaders, there are times where you will have to just go back and say, Hey guys, so this thing happened or this this topic was talked about and let me add this, let me pivot.
(18:42): There are even times as leaders where you guys will just have to own something that literally wasn’t in the best intention of your listeners, of your people, of your programs. And it happens. And the more open and willing that you are to just take ownership of that, really openly communicate and then be willing to change and pivot that’s where you get humility and openness, which are the two words that Susan said to me that were like, Oh my gosh, this feels so good because that’s the type of leader I’ve always wanted to be.
(19:17): And as I was looking up scripture on leadership, I came across 1 Timothy 4:12, but let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. And so for me, I guess what I really take from that is no matter where you are in your walk, no matter what you might look like or appear to be set the example and set it, how set it, not just in what you say, but when you actually do in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
(20:00): So I just bring it back to as a leader, am I doing that? Am I setting the example of what I would want to be living my life by? And if I can answer that question with a resounding yes, then I’m doing good, girl. And so are you, so the takeaways for you in the evolution of leadership from today are number one, you have to really be willing to inventory yourself.
(20:32): You need to be willing to drop the ego and to really let go of defensiveness, you need to be open and willing to receiving feedback, and then taking that feedback to God and inventorying that feedback. Is it accurate? And do you need to do something to change or do you just need to have open communication about that feedback? So I hope that this helps you in however you lead because even as moms we’re leading in our households, we’re leading in, some of us leading in our marriages, some of you leading in your jobs, some of you lead a team.
(21:13): Some of you have organizations that you run. Some of you are just leading your podcast listeners, but that all matters. And they’re all looking up to you. And there will be a day when you have to choose the type of feedback that you are giving and the way you’re giving it and the energy that you have behind your answers, right? Is it a resentful energy? Do you feel judged because all of that comes across and you just have to remember to show up as godly as you possibly can.
(21:53): And to remember that it’s not really about us as the leader, and sometimes when we receive feedback or we have a difficult team member or something like that, that we have to think about that person and why they’re feeling that way. And what’s behind whatever it is that’s going on. And then put on that filter, put on that lens of humility.
(22:21): I love this one too. Philippians 2:3, do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. But in humility count others more significant than yourself. So I guess they were right. Whoever said this, the customer is always right.
(22:49): Well maybe they’re not always right, but are we reacting from a place of humility and from seeing that person and understanding where they’re coming from and what can we do as leaders to help them be seen in love, in faith, in purity and in support. All right, loves, there’s my word of the day, I hope that this was helpful for you guys and just know you’re not alone in your walk and leadership and your growth. It’s an evolution.
(23:23): Just trust that God is doing a work in you so that He can begin to cultivate your leadership and create more impact from you and from what you’re doing here on earth. Sisters, I pray over you, I just pray that God continues to heighten your leadership and your passion for showing up for others. I pray that He gives you the heartfelt patience to lead from a space of grace to pray for those that are difficult to deal with, to pray for people that maybe are hard, that you are leading.
(24:00): And remember that we don’t just pray for the people that we like, but we pray for everyone and everything in this world and the heart and the dark. And we have to pray for ourselves as well, that we are able to remove emotion from leadership so that we can show up God-like. And that you just give us that perspective here and now continue to fine tune that inside of each and every one of these listeners, God. I pray that they’re just led by You now more than ever in their businesses and their lives and in their leadership. We love you. We trust you in Jesus’ name. Amen. I’ll see you guys back here real soon. Love and light, Stef.
The more I get to know my students and the more I participate in masterminds with my peers the more I’m starting to comprehend the overarching problem and prevalence of one, perfectionism, and two, overthinking.
Perfectionism keeps us in a place of constant consumption and learning. Redoing things over and over and thinking that we can’t move forward until they measure up to some elusive standard.
Why do I believe we need a morning routine? I believe you must have a morning routine because it helps you get into the mindset of productivity and purpose.
When we get right with God we: Renew Our Minds
Get Into the Word
Are Able to Live Our Life Guided by the Holy Spirit
The difference in how my day goes when I do my morning routine and when I don’t is night and day.