Become the Best Version of You by Building a Non-negotiables List

Hey Friend!

Welcome to today’s post. We’ll dive into what I like to call your non-negotiables list. This list is crucial for achieving high performance not only in my business but also in my health, marriage, motherhood, finances, and spiritual growth journey.

This non-negotiables list has become a Holy Grail in my life—no pun intended. Today, I will teach you how to create your non-negotiables list to become the best version of yourself and how to use it. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What Is a Non-negotiables List?

Your non-negotiables are the things that you are unwilling to waiver about. Non-negotiables are the actions you can see, feel, and touch in your life in the most critical areas. You won’t make excuses about these things; instead, they help you become the best version of yourself.

This concept was born for me as I started to recommit to my health journey a couple of years ago. I’ve always been a pretty healthy person. I would go to the gym or follow an eating plan; however, I would waver. It was just a habit. It was a cute routine that I implemented in my life.

Until I Recommitted

When something that seemed more important came up, I often set aside my habits or commitments. Consequently, I would catch up on work or handle other tasks instead. As a result, I was too busy to follow through that day. However, a couple of years ago, I decided to recommit to those habits.

I knew I was going to be 40 in a couple of years. I’m serious about getting to the healthiest place that I’ve ever been in my life before. I need to label this in a way that will become non-negotiable. And so that’s what it became.

Working out four to five days a week became non-negotiable. I do not waiver on this. I’ve been fully committed to it, rain, sunshine, and sickness. Almost every week for the past two years, I have hit this non-negotiable in my life because I created that belief in my head that it was not something I could defer.

This Is What I Do and Who I Am

Just like you showing up to work is a non-negotiable, it’s the same process here. When we build this list for you, you will do this thing. This is what you do! And this is not something you sometimes do or would like to do. This is what you do and who you are to become the best version of yourself.

Over the last couple of years, it’s been incredible that it’s moved from something I had to intentionally decide about every single day to something that I know is non-negotiable and that I’ve committed to.

It’s Become Second Nature

I want you to start today with intentional, serious action around making these non-negotiables part of who you are. Decide to act on this every single day without wavering or making excuses. Unless it’s an emergency, it’s something that you do.

So, how do you build your list of non-negotiables? I’ll share mine with you as we go through each category. I want you to get out a big sheet of paper.

I have a notebook right here where I jot down my quick non-negotiables. You can do that, too. Build a mindmap if you’d like—whatever you want to do. You can use a whiteboard. But I want you actually to do this work with me.

It’s Easy to Over-Commit

It’s easy to over-commit. I don’t want you to do that. We’re going to pick one non-negotiable in each of these key areas and then you’re only going to start with one this week. Each week, you will add another non-negotiable so that when you’re done with our six categories, you will implement all six of your non-negotiables in six weeks.

Let’s dive in!

Non-negotiable #1: Health Bucket

So let’s begin in the health bucket. I want you to write health on your paper or wherever you write. I want you to choose one non-negotiable. Your non-negotiables shouldn’t be:

• Subjective.
• Elusive.
• Emotional.

So you can’t say, “Oh, I want just to feel better.” That isn’t a non-negotiable. It has to be a tangible goal. For example, mine is that I exercise five times a week. That’s the number that works for me. What is it for you?

• Will you go for a 20-minute walk 3 times a week?
• Will you go to the gym 4 times a week?
• Are you going to drink X amount of ounces of water per day?

It has to be non-negotiable, and you can feel, see, touch, smell, experience, and check off. I will also teach you the importance of tracking this non-negotiable, at least for a while, until it becomes second nature for you.

Pause and Write Down Your Non-negotiable

What is your non-negotiable in the health bucket? Go ahead and write that down now. This can and should be an evolution. Once you get one non-negotiable locked in, you can add to it.

Non-negotiable #2: Marriage Bucket

The next bucket we will move to on your paper is marriage. If you are not married, you can write relationship at the top. You’re going to pick one non-negotiable that you want to commit to in this particular area.

So, this is one date night or focus time with my spouse every week. Notice that this is not elusive or emotional, like listening better. That’s a great overall goal, but it is not non-negotiable because it’s not something that you can commit to. It’s not something that will happen 100% of the time.

We are humans. And it’s also not something we can track, so am I hitting this non-negotiable in my life? So for me, this is simple. You can use your planner. I’m going to show you a habit tracker in a moment. It’s basically something that you can commit to.

So, what does this look like for you? Some ideas for the once-a-week date night might involve attending the small group at church. I would love it if your non-negotiable action were an ongoing action rather than a one-time action. If you have something like signing up for the marriage small group, it would be like going to your small group once per week.

See the difference? It’s a committed, continual action that you decide to be non-negotiable. So go ahead and pause me now and write it down. What is the marriage or relationship that you’re going to commit to that is non-negotiable?

Non-negotiable #3: Parenting Bucket

Parenting is the third area we want to work on to become your best self. If you’re not a parent, you can skip this one. Maybe you’re a grandparent and can write down your grandkids as the area here. If you are not a parent and want to choose something else for this bucket, that’s fine.

So, for me, our non-negotiable in the parenting category is that we go to church. We go to church as a family and do it every week without fail. It is who we are and what we do. It is not what we are doing on Sunday, because I don’t feel like it or I’m tired.

That is not happening in our lives. We go to church. This is my non-negotiable. I’m just doing that to give you guys an example. I don’t think that your non-negotiables have to be anything like mine. They don’t need to be mine. They are your non-negotiables. I want to give you these visuals to see an example of something tactical.

Non-negotiable #4: Business Bucket

Okay, the fourth bucket is your business. So what is the one thing? What are you committing to doing to be the best version of yourself here? For me, it’s that I do three podcast episodes a week.

There is a number to it. It is specific. I commit to it, and I have done it without fail for five years. We just passed the show’s fifth anniversary a couple of weeks ago. I have only missed one episode in five years, so it’s a non-negotiable.

Non-negotiable #5: Finance Bucket

The fifth bucket is your finance bucket. What is your non-negotiable in there? For us, it is that we tithe. We tithe off of the first fruits, the very top line, 10%. You have to do whatever feels and is right for you. Biblically, look in scripture for truth because scripture is very clear about tithing. Check that out.

Decide what your financial non-negotiable is. Will you use your budget every day, every week, or every month? Is it that you’re going to tithe every month? Or will you only spend X amount of money on eating out every week or month? What is that thing that must happen? It’s who you are.

Non-negotiable #6: Faith Bucket

Last is your faith bucket. This is non-negotiable for me because I want to spend some special time with God daily. This can be 10 minutes of listening to worship music and worshiping in the kitchen while I cook, or an hour in the morning of Bible study.

It just depends on my week, my schedule, and my mood. Honestly, it is something that’s going to happen. Maybe it’s listening to a faith podcast episode. It’s something that will help me in my spiritual growth every day.

Here’s What Your Non-negotiables Are Doing for You

So, these six non-negotiables are what they’re doing, friend. They intentionally grow you in the most critically important areas of your life every day and decision.

Here’s what else they’re doing. They’re teaching you the power of discipline. So as you lock in one of these key non-negotiables, it will train your brain to take intentional, disciplined, and committed action.

It’s going to help you when you add that second one next week to know how to do this and it’s going to get easier and easier with time for you to become the best version of yourself, the most Christ-like version of you. Because I believe these practices are what cultivate your:

• Personal Growth
• Relational Growth
• Spiritual Growth
• Health

All of the pieces of who God’s calling you to become. So go out there and build your list.

What Do You Do Now?

So as soon as you finish this, what will you do? You won’t just write it on paper and call it done. That’s cute. Hopefully, you’ll remember. No, no, no, no, you’re going to breathe life into these non-negotiables and actually build them into a plan.

Because a dream without a plan is simply a wish, but that’s definitely true. So you will take these non-negotiables and write them out in list format. Then you need a way to keep track.

Now, you have to track these over time to create repetitive actions in your brain so that they move from a wish to an action to a plan. And then to something that you don’t even think about. It’s just ingrained in who you are. But that takes some time.

Get a Habit Tracker

You can use something like a habit tracker. You can grab one off of Amazon. Look up habit trackers. You can put it in your planner and build out little boxes at the bottom. I recommend the Horatio Planner. Use discount code Stef20 to get 20% off.

You can also track your habits on a whiteboard with little check marks. You’ll track it daily and weekly, at least for 30 days, until you do it without being prompted. (See my habit tracker below.)

It’s like brushing your teeth. When you were little, your parents reminded you to brush your teeth continuously. But now you brush your teeth on your own. It’s who you are. I hope you’re getting the gist.

If You Find Yourself Struggling?

After you have intentionally been tracking this for 30 days or more, you can let go of the tracking process if you notice that you’re still struggling with committing to this action. This week, your homework is to pick one of these areas. The area you’re most excited about for your non-negotiable.

Next week, you will add the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth categories. At the end of six weeks, I pray that you have six incredible non-negotiables actively happening in your life that you can roll forward with for six to 12 months.

Does this sound like a plan? Get them. I want you to come to our Facebook community and share your non-negotiables. I want to hear from you, and I can’t wait to find out what those are for you.

Again, if you have not started a podcast, check out my podcast bootcamp to learn how podcasting works to grow an online business and make money online.

If you already have a podcast, I want you to come and check out my 6-month mastermind program, Podcast to Profit, so I can help you monetize and make money from your online show.

I pray this blesses you!

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