Become the Best Version of You by Building a Non-negotiables List

Hey Friend!

Welcome to today’s post. We’re going to dive into something I like to call your non-negotiables list. This is a key piece of my becoming a high performer not just in one area of my life like my business but also:

• In My Health
• In My Marriage
• As a Mom
• With My Finances
• Even in My Spiritual Growth Journey

This non-negotiables list has become something of a Holy Grail in my life. No pun intended. And so today, I’m going to teach you how to create your own non-negotiables list to become the best version of you and how to use it. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Testimonial

Hey Stef, This is Heather Riggs, host of Her Style podcast. I’m here to sing your praises because my income jumped by more than $3,600 in 30 days. I pre-sold 2 spots in the group coaching program you helped me create and my monthly podcast downloads quadrupled.

You gave me simple strategic shifts to making my offers, marketing, and SEO that were super easy to implement and aligned with my calling. I’ve seen an immediate impact on my business and my bottom line. Thank you so much, Stef. I am officially a super-fan for life.

I Am So Excited for You Sis!

Heather Riggs, to be able to grow your income, quadruple downloads, and all those other incredible wins that you just mentioned in only 30 days is amazing! Friend, if you too are ready to up-level your business and you are done playing small, I invite you to come apply for Podcast to Profit, my 6-month group coaching program for podcasters.

You can find out all the details and get your application in at Podcast to Profit. And if you don’t have a podcast yet, come and check out my free workshop to learn why and how podcasting can be the vehicle for you to make income, true, real money in your online business.

What Is a Non-negotiables List?

So today, we’re going to talk about non-negotiables. Specifically building your own non-negotiables list. Let’s begin with what a non-negotiable is. I think that this is something so much bigger than simply coming up with some cute habits or some fun new routines that you want to attain in your life.

Your non-negotiables are the things that you are unwilling to waiver about. Non-negotiables are the actions that you can see, feel, and touch in your life in the most important areas of your life that you are not going to make excuses around. You are unwilling to defer to them. Call it what it is, they are the things that are absolutely non-negotiable in your life in becoming the best version of you.

Now this was born for me as I started to really recommit to my health journey a couple of years ago. I’ve always been a pretty healthy person here and there. I would go to the gym or I would be on some type of eating plan but I would waiver. It was just a habit. It was a cute routine that I implemented in my life.

Until I Recommitted

When something else came up that was seemingly more important, those habits or those commitments were quickly put to the side for me to catch up on my work or do these other things. I was too busy to make it that day. So a couple of years ago I really recommitted.

I knew I was going to be 40 in a couple of years. I’m really serious about getting to the healthiest place that I’ve ever been in my life before. I need to really label this in a way that’s going to become non-negotiable in my life. And so that’s what it became.

Working out 4 to 5 days a week became non-negotiable. It is not something that I waiver on. It is something that I’ve been fully committed to, rain, sunshine, and sickness. I mean, almost every single week for the past 2 years, I have hit this non-negotiable in my life because I created that belief in my head that it was not something that I could defer on.

This Is What I Do and Who I Am

Just like you showing up to work is a non-negotiable, it’s the same exact process here. When we build this list for you, you will do this thing. This is what you do! And this is not something that you sometimes do or you would like to do. This is what you do and who you are to become the best version of yourself.

It’s important to make this really concrete label in your life around a specific action. So what happened is this one non-negotiable became so successful in my life. When I saw the results of the commitment that having a non-negotiable in the area of my health was creating for me, I started to create non-negotiables within each key area of my life.

• In My Health
• In My Marriage
• In My Parenting
• In My Business
• Within My Finances
• Even in My Faith

Over the last couple of years, what’s been cool is it’s moved from something that I had to really intentionally make a decision around every single day. But now I know this is a non-negotiable that I’ve committed to.

It’s Become Second Nature

It’s created a shift in who I am as a whole person. If you like my story and my personal testimony of what these non-negotiables have done for me, I really want to encourage you to build a list of your own non-negotiables.

I want you to start today with really intentional, serious action around creating these non-negotiables as part of who you are. Make the decision to act these out every single day without wavering and without any type of excuse. Unless it’s an emergency, it’s something that you do.

So how do you build your own list of non-negotiables? I’ll go ahead and share mine with you as we go through each category. I want you to get out a big sheet of paper.

I have a notebook right here where I am jotting my quick non-negotiables out. You can do that too. You can build a mindmap if you’d like. Whatever you want to do. You can use a whiteboard. But I want you to actually do this work with me.

It’s Easy to Over-Commit

Now it’s easy to over-commit yourself. I don’t want you to do that. We’re going to pick 1 non-negotiable in each of these key areas and then you’re only going to start with 1 of them this week. Each week, you’re going to add on another non-negotiable so that when you’re done with our 6 categories, in 6 weeks you will be actually implementing all six of your non-negotiables.

I think you should ride that for 6 months to 12 months before you would add to it. One of the biggest reasons that we fail on our goals and our dreams is that we over-commit. We have these big zealous goals and we have these big visions for what we want to create.

• We Want to Lose Weight
• We Want to Build Muscle
• We Want to Work on Our Marriage

Because we put so much on our plate, the plate is so overloaded that things are falling off the edges, and we fail. And because we fail, we give up. Instead of doing that, let’s have 1 tiny, itty, bitty non-negotiable that we begin with. We can definitely squeeze that on the plate. That will help us believe in ourselves and start to see the fruits of this commitment and this action. Then, over time we can add on to that.

Non-negotiable #1: Health Bucket

So let’s begin in the health bucket. What I want you to do is on your paper or wherever you’re writing, write health. I want you to choose 1 non-negotiable. Here are some rules for your non-negotiables:

• They cannot be subjective.
• They cannot be elusive.
• They should not be emotional.

So you can’t say, “Oh, I want to just feel better.” That is not a non-negotiable. A negotiable is something like what I wrote down. Mine is, I exercise 5 times a week. For me, that’s the number. What is it for you?

• Is it that you’re going to go for a 20-minute walk 3 times a week?
• Is it that you’re going to go to the gym 4 times a week?
• Is it that you’re going to drink X amount of ounces of water per day?

It has to be a non-negotiable that you can feel, see, touch, smell, experience, and check it off. I’m going to also teach you the importance of tracking this non-negotiable, at least for a while until it becomes second nature for you.

Pause and Write Down Your Non-negotiable

What is your non-negotiable in the health bucket? Go ahead and write that down now. This can and should be an evolution. Once you get 1 non-negotiable really locked in, you can add to it.

Non-negotiable #2: Marriage Bucket

The next bucket that we’re going to move to on your paper is marriage. If you are not married, you can write relationship at the top. You’re going to pick 1 non-negotiable that you want to commit to in this particular area.

So for me, this is 1 date night or focus time with my spouse every single week. Now notice that this is not elusive or emotional like listen better. That’s a great overall goal but it is not a non-negotiable because it’s not something that you can commit to. It’s not something that’s going to happen 100% of the time.

We are humans. And it’s also not something we can track and say am I hitting this non-negotiable in my life? So for me, this is simple. Inside you can use your planner. I’m going to show you a habit tracker in a moment. It’s basically something that you can commit to.

So what does this look like for you? Some ideas for the once-a-week date night might look like showing up to the small group at church. I really love it if your non-negotiable is something that is an ongoing action versus a one-time action. If you do have something like signing up for the marriage small group, it would be something like going in person to your marriage small group once per week.

See the difference? It’s a committed, continual action that you are deciding as a non-negotiable in your life. So go ahead and pause me now and write it down. What is the marriage or relationship non-negotiable that you’re going to commit to?

Non-negotiable #3: Parenting Bucket

The 3rd area that we want to build to be the best version of you is parenting. If you’re not a parent, you can skip this one. Maybe you’re a grandparent and you can write down your grandkids as the area here. If you are not a parent and you want to choose something else for this bucket, that’s perfectly fine.

So for me, our non-negotiable in the parenting category is that we go to church. We go to church as a family and we do it every single week without fail. It is who we are and what we do. It is not what are we doing on Sunday because I don’t really feel like it or I’m tired.

That is not happening in our lives. We go to church. This is my non-negotiable. I’m just doing that to give you guys an example. I don’t think that your non-negotiables have to be anything like mine. They don’t need to be mine. They are your own non-negotiables. I want to give you these visuals so you can see an example of something that is really tactical.

Non-negotiable #4: Business Bucket

Okay, the 4th bucket is your business. So what is the 1 thing? What are you committing to doing to be the best version of yourself here? For me, it’s that I do 3 podcast episodes a week.

There is a number to it. It is specific. It is something I commit to and I have done it without fail for 5 years. A couple of weeks ago, we just passed the 5-year anniversary of the show. In 5 years, I have only missed 1 episode. So that is a non-negotiable for me.

Non-negotiable #5: Finance Bucket

The 5th bucket is your finance bucket. What is your non-negotiable in there? For us, it is that we tithe. We tithe off of the first fruits, the very top line, 10%. You have to do whatever feels and is right for you. Biblically, look in scripture for truth because scripture is very clear about tithing. Check that out.

Decide what your financial non-negotiable is. Is it that you’re going to use your budget every day, every week, or every month? Is it that you’re going to tithe every month? Or is it that you’re going to only spend X amount of money on eating out every week or month? What is that thing that must happen? It’s who you are.

Non-negotiable #6: Faith Bucket

And last is your faith bucket. For me, this non-negotiable is that I want some type of special time with God daily. This can be 10 minutes of listening to worship music and worshiping in the kitchen while I cook. This can be an hour in the morning of doing Bible study.

It just depends on my week. It depends on my schedule and depends also on my mood. Honestly, it is something that’s going to happen. Maybe it’s listening to a faith podcast episode. It’s something that’s going to help me in my spiritual growth every single day.

Here’s What Your Non-negotiables Are Doing for You

So these 6 non-negotiables, here’s what they’re really doing, friend. They are growing you in an intentional way in the most critically important areas of your life every single day and decision.

Here’s what else they’re doing. They’re teaching you the power of discipline. So as you lock in one of these key non-negotiables, it’s going to train your brain to take really intentional, disciplined, and committed action.

It’s going to help you when you add that second one next week to know how to do this and it’s going to get easier and easier with time for you to really become the best version of yourself, the most Christ-like version of you. Because I believe these practices are what cultivate:

• Your Personal Growth
• Your Relational Growth
• Your Spiritual Growth
• Your Health

All of the pieces of who God’s calling you to really become. So go out there and build your list.

What Do You Do Now?

So as soon as you’re done with this, what do you do now? You’re not going to just write it on a sheet of paper and call it done. That’s cute. Hopefully, you’ll remember. No, no, no, no, you’re going to breathe life into these non-negotiables and actually build them into a plan.

Because a dream without a plan is simply a wish, but that’s definitely true. So you’re going to take these non-negotiables and you’re going to write them out in list format and then you need some type of tracking.

Now the reason you have to track these for a short period of time is to create the repetitive action in your brain so that it will move from a wish to an action to a plan. And then to something that you don’t even think about. It’s just ingrained in who you are. But that takes some time.

Get a Habit Tracker

So you can use something like a habit tracker. You can grab one off of Amazon. Look up, habit trackers. You can put it in your planner and build out little boxes at the bottom of your planner. The Horatio Planner is the planner that I recommend. Use discount code Stef20 to get 20% off.

You can also track your habits on a whiteboard with little check marks. It’s something that you’re going to track on a daily and weekly basis, at least for 30 days, until you find yourself doing it without being prompted. (See my habit tracker below.)

It’s like brushing your teeth. When you were little, your parents had to continuously remind you to brush your teeth. But now you brush your teeth on your own. It’s who you are. I hope you’re getting the gist.

If You Find Yourself Struggling?

After you have intentionally been tracking this for 30 days or more, if you notice that you’re still struggling with committing to this action, then you can let go of the tracking process. This week, your homework is to pick one of these areas. The area you’re most excited about for your non-negotiable.

Starting there next week, you’re going to add on the 2nd category, then the 3rd, then the 4th, then the 5th, and then the 6th. At the end of 6 weeks, I pray that you have 6 incredible non-negotiables that are actively happening in your life that you can roll forward with for 6 to 12 months.

Sound like a plan? Go get them. I want you to come on over to our Facebook community and share what are your non-negotiables that you committed to. I want to hear from you and I can’t wait to find out what those are for you.

Again, if you have not yet started a podcast, check out my 40-minute workshop on how podcasting works to grow an online business and make money online. If you already have a podcast, I want you to come and check out my 6-month mastermind program, Podcast to Profit, so I can help you monetize and make money from your online show.

I pray this blesses you!

Xo,

Stef

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