Minimize Screen-time for Kids. 180 in Behavior in 10 days.

Hey Friend!

Less than one HOUR a day of screentime for my kids! You mean including TV, apps, ipads, phones…all of it? Weekends, too? Minimizing screentime seems scary, doesn’t it?!

Don’t worry, it’s worth it.

And it was so much easier than I expected. By minimizing screen-time, I’ve seen a 180 turn in behavior, listening, and focus. This episode explains how and why I did it. What type of changes you could also make and how you can easily and effectively implement this shift in your own home in just a few days.

I pray that this episode inspires change for your heart if needed. And, that you realize that we have the power to do ANYTHING to better our family, create more intention, go against societal norms, and BE the change the next generation so desperately needs.

I pray this blesses you!

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

(00:01)
Hey sister, how’s it going? I’m super excited because today I am bringing you a very needed message and also totally humbling myself about something that I was completely failing at as a mother, which is letting my kids have way too much screen time. Whether that be TV, learning apps, YouTube here and there, movies, and then validating that by telling myself, oh, but if it’s a learning app, it doesn’t count. It counts. This started to happen over the year and the bigger that my business got, the more I thought I needed technology to help me find time and space in my day.

(00:50)
Really when I dug in and really wanted to search an inventory, my own heart, about the way I was raising my babies, I knew there was a big problem. And that on the worst days at four+ hours a day of technology, I cringe telling you that because it’s embarrassing. And I have no idea if that makes you gasp and be like, oh my gosh, she’s a horrible mother. Or if you’re like, that’s it? But whatever, right, because I’m willing to be vulnerable about this with you.

(01:21)
I’m willing to walk this journey of how can we be better with you? And I’m willing to share the crap that I suck at with you. And so this was one of ’em, but guess what? There is great news. The news is that in the course of like 10 days, oh my gosh, I’ve been able to completely 180 my kids’ hearts, the way that they are interacting with each other, the way they’re behaving, their listening skills, the quietness and peace of my home. And I’ve actually gotten more work done in all of this with less than one hour of screen time at all per day. Interesting, right?

(02:53)
I’m gonna say for the past six months, every time I hand my kids the iPad, turn on a movie, I felt weird about it. I felt weird. I felt like, Ugh, this doesn’t really feel right. This feels like they watched too much TV. They watched, they, and I kept blaming my kids. Like you’ve had too much TV today. And then an hour later, they’re bugging me or I need to do laundry or I have something I need to prepare for. And I’d hand them the iPad. Like I was blaming my kids, my job, my circumstance, and then making excuses for why it was okay for me to overcompensate with technology.

(03:41)
So about, I don’t know, a couple months ago, I’m like something is really off, I had to pray. I’m like, God, you know something is off here, I’m feeling guilty about this. And if you feel guilt, if you heard my guilt episode way at the beginning of this podcast, my number one advice for you and for me was to inventory that guilt, is this real? Is this really something to feel guilty about? Because I’m doing something that doesn’t align with my heart or with God. And when I did that inventory work, the answer was yes, I was letting my kids, not letting I was literally providing too much screen time and technology for my children for my own benefit.

(04:22)
So I thought absolutely not the type of mother I wanna be. Absolutely not the type of generational change I want to create. Absolutely not the type of kid that needs constant stimulation that needs to learn something from a screen. Instead of doing something with his own hands, without utilizing his own creativity, I was having issues with their listening. And I knew it was because I was handing them technology. And if technology’s bad for me, and I know that and I have to literally delete the app on the weekend. What about a little human? My two humans, one is six and one is three that like, I am creating an addiction at a young age.

(05:12)
I am responsible for the things that they put into their mind. Me, they don’t know any better. Holy smokes. The weight of it came crashing down on me. And instead of looking at it through a lens of fear and thinking, oh my gosh, you know, I’ve ruined them and I’ve failed. And I mean, there were days where I’d let them have throughout the course of the day, let’s say four hours of technology. They’d wake up, they’d grab the iPad. They weren’t even thinking out when they were using technology. It was just a given. And then if I’d have a client, I’d let my older son watch an hour while I worked with my client.

(05:54)
On Wednesday he gets home early and in the evenings they would play switch with daddy. Like that adds up over time. But I came to the verse Second Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit, not of fear, but of power and love and self control. Won’t he do it. Won’t he do it when you’ve come to a scripture that just answers all your problems. Self-control okay, cool. So I’ve gotta fix this behavior. I’m not gonna be fearful of this. I can change this. I can change this and I can create a new reality for them and for me.

(06:40)
And I know that if God has brought this to my attention and I am feeling unrest in my heart, that He will also give me the solutions and He will also not take away from my mission to serve all of you and to be here on this podcast and teach and train and mentor and to work with clients. He’s going to show up for that. And I know that technology is not the answer. So I made the choice. It was roughly 10 days ago now to completely get rid of technology, either zero technology a day, but I was willing to do one hour. Why one hour? Because I don’t think technology is bad. I just think that it needs to be in moderation. Just like, I don’t think cookies are bad, but I do think it takes self control, just like that verse.

(07:28)
It takes mindfulness and that if you’re enjoying the cookie, right, truly enjoy it. Savor every bite, pick the cookie that looks the best. Like, do you want the snicker doodle or do you want the chocolate chip double nut chunk with hazelnut spread? What do you want? And then you enjoy it. That’s how I wanted them to look at technology. Hey, if you only get an hour, aren’t you gonna be really mindful about what you choose, aren’t you gonna really enjoy it. Aren’t you gonna really learn from it. That’s what I wanted. That’s the experience I wanted them to have.

(08:06)
I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m just saying once you have an oversaturation of something, it becomes a crutch. It becomes an addiction. It becomes not a learning tool, but a distraction tool. And if we know based on the research that I heard from HPX live on the last episode that scrolling, scrolling, constant scrolling and stimulation of the brain from something like social media or something like YouTube, where they’re constantly clicking, you are actually disengaging your mind.

(08:45)
You are actually becoming dumber by the second, which is terrifying for our youth. It’s terrifying for us, but mamas that is terrifying for our youth because our babies, their brains are still growing and we are in charge of that. So I did not want to be the reason that my baby’s brains are being disengaged on a daily basis for hours at a time. Heck no, I’m done with it. And here’s what they said about me. I am not perfect. I am so far from perfect.

(09:18)
When I discover something that I can improve on, when I feel unrest in my heart about something and I turn to God and He confirms that that unrest is real, that that guilt is real, that the behavior needs to change, I’m gonna change it. I’m gonna be the first person to raise my hand. Maybe the second person sometimes, but I’m gonna raise my hand and I’m gonna say, I’m done. I’m changing the behavior. Just like why I delete social media. Okay. I’m changing the behavior. Just like why I choose to not show up on Instagram stories every single day of the week.

(09:57)
Everybody else tells you, etc, because I dare to be different to have a life of meaning. I dare to be different to raise my kids, to be kingdom soldiers for Jesus. I am choosing to make a change. And to say, when I am doing something that’s different, that can be improved. And here was one very blatant thing. So what did I do? I went cold turkey. I wasn’t like, okay guys, we are going to scale back on technology. And like maybe one day a week. No, it was like we’re doing this, I’m done with it, and so here’s what happened.

(10:39)
My husband was hunting and I was like, this is a perfect time to do it because it’s just me with the kids. It should be easy. So I started on school days because school days they’re busy. Anyway, they’re at school. They are having fun. And of course, weekends are harder because they’re home everybody’s home. So I decided start on weekday. So we started on the weekday. It was like a Tuesday or Wednesday.

(11:02)
I sat them down. I said, Hey guys, listen, too much technology can hurt your brain. And it makes us tired. And it also hurts our eyes and too much technology can make us can hurt the way that we listen and the way that we care for each other. So mama has made a choice, you know, mama and dad have made a choice. And my husband wasn’t even in on this, I was like a crazy person. I was like, I’m done. It was like this realization that hit me, like upside the head.

(11:35)
Once I made the choice and like, I’m doing this, he was gone so I couldn’t even tell him about it. He gets home. He’s like, what’s happened. It’s so different over here. I’m like, yep. I got rid of technology. He was like, what? But he loved it. He was all on board with me. Grateful that he is very open to whatever crazy ideas that I have anyways. So I had this conversation with them and they were kind of looking at me like, oh, okay. Because I feel like with our kids, if we can frame things in a way that makes it about their surroundings, we make it about them.

(12:09)
Because as my friend, Ashton Fuhs always says, kids are egocentric. And so if we can make it about our children’s world, they can internalize it better versus me saying to them, Hey guys, we’re not gonna do technology. You can’t watch movies or play your iPad anymore. Okay. Like how do you think that would be received? Example, Hey mamas, listen, we can’t eat the whole bag of cookies anymore. Because when we eat the whole bag of cookies, it’s not good for our hearts. It’s not good for our cholesterol. We have a bit too much of this type of fat, which can in turn, be bad for our health.

(12:53)
Also cookies don’t taste as good when we have so many cookies. So we’re gonna go down to one cookie a day. But in that cookie, mama, you can have any flavor. You can have any type of cookie. It doesn’t matter the ingredient. And you can savor that cookie. You can eat it as slow or as fast as you want, or in the bath. You can eat whatever you want. And the mamas are like, yes, I can have a cookie. So same thing with the kids. Right? So if we can explain things in a way to them that they can internalize, it makes it easier to transition.

(13:28)
So my kids were like, oh, okay. Like I had zero issues, zero resistance. The only thing was for about 24 hours, they were naturally going to the iPad because before I didn’t even have any rules, like ask mama to use the iPad. They would just grab it and use it. In my defense, I didn’t have YouTube app or anything like that. They only had their learning apps, but it still was too much. It was too much. Okay. So they were like, okay. So we, we went through that transition.

(14:02)
Well, here’s what happened over the course of about three days. I noticed this crazy shift. They didn’t even think about technology anymore. In three days, ladies, they didn’t ask. They didn’t notice the TV. They didn’t notice the iPad. It was sitting in the same spot. They didn’t go for it. And I would kindly remind them, oh, Hey sweetie. Remember we’re only doing technology for an hour and I’ll tell you how that hour fit in in a minute. But they were first just different kids. The pace felt slower, more authentic. It felt more peaceful.

(14:41)
They were playing together more intently. They were being more inventive. My younger son would grab the Playdoh and instead of playing with it for 10 minutes and running to the iPad, he played with it for an hour and a half because there was no alternative. My older son, instead of running to the iPad, which of course, he’s six guys like duh, you know, he was grabbing the Imaginex, he has these cities that he builds with his guys and they jump and they play and they fight. And he hadn’t played with that in forever.

(15:15)
And he played with that for an hour and he brought his brother into it and they were playing. Like, oh my God, I could cry. It was like magic. And then the behavior in three days they were listening. I was listening better. I was more at peace. They were more at peace. Everybody was trying. And then there was another level of magic when the hour takes place. So after three days I knew this was for me. I knew I made the right choice. I was praising God for getting me away from my own actions and praising God for, Hey, thank you for showing me that this was a problem in our lives.

(16:01)
Thank you God, because everything is so different already. It’s amazing. If you ever need this one, Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved. Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you. I was so afraid of this, but if I get rid of technology, I won’t have any time for my business. Like what a limiting belief, what a limiting belief of mine to not have trust in my kids to not have trust that my kids are so courageous. My kids are so creative.

(16:42)
I wasn’t giving them the benefit of the doubt that they would figure out what to do with open hours in the day. And I was also being selfish by telling myself well, I’m gonna be so busy, coming up with things for them to do. And all day I’m gonna be, you know, coming up with the next best thing and sitting, having to do puzzles and having to do train and blah, blah, like gross. What a selfish, egotistical way of thinking. And I am so grateful to God for breaking that down for me and for showing me how ridiculous that is because my kids, they were like magically transformed. And anyway, I don’t know if that may be the case for you if you choose to employ this.

(17:24)
But let me tell you what, within a week I had different kids, kids that were constantly getting in trouble. Three strikes, timeouts, not listening, to their little peg chart is up, they’re doing good deeds. They’re playing kindly and they’re not perfect. But I would say we have a 50% improvement in behavior. And in listening simply from getting rid of technology, okay. I mean, holy smokes. And they would play for an hour. I would get more work done. It’s weird. I was, I’m getting more work done because they’re just better at self play.

(18:02)
They’re looking for ways to entertain themselves. And sometimes they’ll come to me and be like, oh, Hey mama, and I’ll be like, Hey Landon, do you wanna color? I’ll get out the coloring stuff for him. I’ll do my work. And I think what’s happening is that because he knows there’s no alternative. He’s choosing to color for longer periods of time. And his attention span is much longer because when we look at technology, it’s this constant, what’s new. What’s next. We’re looking for instant gratification. It’s click, click, click, click change, click, click, click, scroll, scroll, scroll.

(18:33)
Versus if I’m coloring and there’s no alternative, I’m just gonna color. That’s why on the weekends, when I remove the social media apps, I’m so much more present. There’s no alternative. There’s no alternative, but for me to do the puzzle, there’s no alternative. But for me to sit and talk to my husband face to face, eye to eye, there is no alternative. When I create content, I’m not also scrolling. I’m like, I don’t want the back of their mind to be, I’m ready to play the phone. I’m ready for that instant gratification. So I think that’s what’s happened. And so, because their attention span is so much bigger, I’m able to get so much more done. It’s the most incredible thing.

(19:09)
So what I did is I said, okay guys, you get your hour, but you get it at the end of the day and you have to earn it. So they have this peg chart and they can do good deeds and their little peg goes up. Or if they’re not listening or they’re not being kind, their pegs go down. Okay. And if they have to be up on the peg chart in order in the middle or up to earn their hour of technology and they get to choose, what is your hour of technology gonna be? And they’re so excited. Hmm. I don’t know. What should it be? Should I play ABC mouse, do my coding game? Should I watch the Grinch?

(19:45)
Landon loves the Grinch. Y’all you can pretty much bet that he wants to watch the Grinch, but I don’t care. Whatever they wanna do in their hour. They earned it. Right? Here’s what else they have to do. They have to pick up all their toys from the day. Every toy needs to be put away. And guess what? When you’re 10 minutes from that hour. So that hour is at about 6:00 PM after dinner, which by the way, they have to eat all of their dinner or at least, you know, until they’re full. They have to do eating without getting down and playing is what I’m saying.

(20:13)
Then they have to have picked up all their toys. When they’re 10 minutes from technology, I’m like, you got 10 minutes before your technology time starts. Let’s get our toys up. Let’s pick up, put your dishes in the sink, go put your toys away. Put them away there, where they belong, pick up your clothes, go put it in the dirty clothes. Those kids are moving, Mama. They’re like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Like you wanna get your kids to do something? This is it. It’s amazing.

(20:41)
So then in that last hour, they can pick what they wanna do. Well, here’s, what’s been happening. My husband gets home at about 6:30 and when my husband gets home, they don’t want technology anymore. They wanna wrestle. They wanna play. And so the one hour that they are welcome to it. They’re choosing not to take it. I can’t even handle this. This is so crazy. They’re not even taking it cause they wanna play more. They’re busy, they’re distracted, they’re wrestling. Then some days they don’t even notice. They’re like, oh I didn’t do my technology.

(21:19)
They’re not like, oh mama, I didn’t take my technology. And they’re crying. They’re like they don’t even notice they didn’t take their technology. That’s how meaningless it was. It was meaningless to them once they stopped doing it. And so I’m bringing it up to you guys because I have seen so much change in my kids. I would so greatly encourage you to try this. And maybe you already don’t use technology. But if you’re listening to this episode and especially this far in, you probably do.

(21:52)
You’re probably me and you probably are trying to run a business in a household and make lunches and make dinner and all the things, I know all the things, but here’s another secret. Our kids, they depend on us. We are the ones that are responsible for creating little kingdom soldiers for Jesus. Yes, little kingdom soldiers for Jesus. Don’t sit with their face in technology for four hours a day. They are kind, they are present and intentional. I get help with dinner. They’re helping mama clean up dinner and doing good deeds.

(22:29)
My kids are playing outside in the fresh air. They’re helping me do laundry, cleaning up their toys at the end of the day, they’re being good citizens, good human beings. And I think that I can teach them more in one day without technology than I could have taught them in a year with four hours of technology a day. And it was me. It was my fault, but I give myself grace for that because I’m doing the best I can because I’m learning every day.

(22:58)
I’m growing in God every day. And I’m asking Him every day to break down the pieces of me that are weak, to make me a better mother, to make me a better wife, to make me a better servant for all of you, to make me a soldier for Jesus, to gimme the words, to gimme the behavior changes, to give me the answers. And I know there are things I’m going to continue to learn about myself that need to be changed, but I’m okay with that because, because God, because nothing is ever too late to be changed.

(23:34)
There is no behavior on the planet that He can’t transform. There is no problem that you’re facing as a mother or in your business or as a spouse or as a friend that God can’t gift you an answer for. And I want you to remember that all that matters is today. I can’t go back three years and I think also technology just becomes more prevalent as you allow yourself to get lost in it. Three years ago, I didn’t have an addiction to social media and have to delete the apps every single weekend. It grew to that place.

(24:13)
My kids didn’t start with, you know, too much technology. It grew, it started with, you know, 30 minutes and then an hour and then an hour and a half and then two and then, oh, we got a Switch. So now we need to play the Switch every night. Like it grew there because I wasn’t being mindful in every area of my life and taking inventory of the things that bring God glory. So wherever you sit today, especially in this space of technology for yourself first and foremost, and also for your children, I want you to take inventory.

(24:48)
Does it feel good for you? Does it feel wrong or off? Do you feel a bit guilty? Do you feel like it’s a bit too much? Pay attention, don’t sweep it under the rug, make the choice to make the change, make the choice, to make the change, pray for a solution and then take action to change the behavior. And if you know something’s off and you make the behavior, I’m going to bet. I’m willing to bet you will be pleased with the result.

(25:19)
Now there’s always a transition period. Amazingly and mind blowingly, it was 24 hours for us. I mean, what, for some of you, maybe that transition periods a couple of weeks, but to get to the results that I shared with you in this episode, would you not be willing to spend a couple of weeks in a transition to fix something that doesn’t feel right to your heart? I hope so, because our kids deserve present, mindful mamas. They deserve for us to set our phone down and intentionally look in their eyes. When they speak to us, they deserve dinners without technology. They deserve parents that care, that show them they care, not just tell them they care, but we show them that we care by not multitasking.

(26:08)
And they also deserve parents that help them be present because holy smokes you guys, what’s it gonna look like in a decade, we have to be the change. You and me, mama. We have to be the change. We don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. And nor should we, we have to show our kids what learning through action feels like and looks like. And we have to be willing to be that example. So whatever that feels like for you, whether that be a couple of hours a day, whether that be none at all, have some clients that don’t do technology at all and they love it.

(26:44)
I have yet to meet a human being on this planet that said reducing technology was not beneficial. I have not met one person and I also have a client or I think she’s in my student community who told me Stef I’m good with three hours a day. My kids love Jesus. They’re great kids. I feel so good about the time I spend outside of that time. And I’m like, yes, that’s great. I don’t get to define what’s right for you and your kids, but God and you make that choice together. And if you’re out of alignment with that, don’t let it keep going today.

(27:21)
Today, have that conversation with your kids that makes it about their surroundings and why we’re making choices like this and then make it fun. Make the transition fun and trust that God will. He’s gonna, I promise you, He’s gonna deliver. He’s gonna deliver. So that’s what going down to one hour of screen time has looked like in my house. I’m amazed. I am forever changed, I will not go back. I am not going back there. I’m excited that I’m able to be vulnerable with you all without judgment and that you guys send me love and send me, you know, your heart and know that I’m a mess.

(28:04)
Just as much as we all are and we are all growing. And so I appreciate all of your love and prayers and know that I’m praying for you as well, that you can be the kind of mother that God has called you to be. I pray that God gifts you patience, because that’s a big one that I’m hearing. I pray that God gifts you a heart of certain, a heart of patience and gratitude and immense love for those little humans that so fiercely depend on you.

(28:32)
I pray that God gives you eyes to see life for them and through them that you recognize that they’re their own person, each of them with special gifts and talents and things that are important to your littles and that you’re able to highlight those things and lift them up to glorify them for God. I pray that you find so much happiness in today with your little human beings, whether they be little, medium or big that you know, they are so incredibly special every day of their life, every year of their life, every phase, every moment that they go through that you are such an important part of that.

(29:06)
You are more impactful to those little people than you know. And I just want you to know you’re doing great. God’s with you and whatever you need to change, whatever you need to change, whatever doesn’t feel good, He’s gonna hold your hand through it. Trust that, trust that he will sustain you. Just like I read you Second Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit, not of fear, but of power and love and self control. Yes, we can do this. We can do this mama. So I love you. I am here for you. I am cheering for you fiercely sending you a huge hug.

(29:41)
Let me know what you think about this episode. Shoot me a DM on Instagram. I wanna hear if you try this, what is the result? Do you notice transformation in yourself and your kids? I wanna hear the things you are doing to be a more present, impactful and mindful mama, because I need those tips too. We all do, so slide into my DMs. Say what’s up. I will answer you back. I answer every single woman that takes the time to DM me because I want you guys to know that each of you matter to me, so I will meet you back here soon. Love ya. As always, love and light, Stef.