Forcing It vs. It’s Just Hard & Difficult Spouses

Friends,

Forcing business success vs. It‘s Just Hard, Difficult Spouses, Free Stuff in Exchange for Podcast Publicity. Scaling your online business and success hacks for Christian entrepreneurs.

I pray this blesses you!

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

(00:07)
Oh, my gosh, this is so crazy. Lady, friends. We have officially passed 100,000 downloads together on this podcast. I mean, my heart is exploding. I am beyond belief that this has grown into something that we can learn from and we can grow together. And God has blessed this show by bringing me each and every one of you. And I’m just sitting here in immense gratitude. Thank you for being part of this sisterhood with me, for being one of my Lolas. I love you so much.

(02:54)
Okay girl, I will meet you inside this 10 by 10. Get ready. These are gold. Hey bosses. Today I have Jacqueline with me who simplifies the lives of CEOs and visionaries by providing virtual executive support. She works to preserve their energy, protect their creative time and assist in executing the vision. I love that if you guys wanna connect with her after this Q and A head over to the IG, she’s at the Jacqueline Howard.

(03:57)
So my first question is how do you determine when you’re working hard and trying to force something to happen that maybe shouldn’t happen or when it’s just hard because the journey is hard and you’re experiencing normal resistance. What are some signs to look out for? This question is so good, but it’s also really hard. And I pulled this up before we met and I was like, oh, dang, like, okay. So here’s what I think, I think in your soul, you know what feels really good for you and what feels in alignment. And you know when you’re working in that space, you’re passionate, you’re excited, you’re lit up.

(04:44)
Then resistance comes through from external situations, from society, from you feeling like the clients aren’t coming or nobody’s liking it on IG or nobody’s watching the story, nobody’s answering the question, the resistance isn’t inside of you, it’s external of you. So for example, when I was doing network marketing and at the very end of that run, I kept forcing it and it felt wrong inside. And the resistance was, I believe spiritual resistance for me. Holy Spirit resistance the whisper of no stop, let it go versus today what I’m doing and I’m, you know, giving my all, and it feels so incredible.

(05:34)
Then I’ll get on IG or go to the latest stat or something and be like, oh, and I’m deflated, but it’s external because I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is behind my mission today. So my answer to this is, is it possible for you to get really quiet with yourself and inventory the work you’re doing and ask yourself and pray over it and journal and say, is the resistance inside or is it outside? Does that help at all? It does. It gives me something to think about and a starting place, so I appreciate that.

(06:10)
And the other piece real quick on that one would be sometimes you need to get away from you. So a quick talk with someone you trust a mentor, a coach, a business sister, that’s in the same sphere and be like, look, these are the things I’m facing. Does this seem like just part of the journey, like the rocky pieces, because I feel like this is right for me. And maybe just getting someone else’s perspective will help you get a fresh set of eyes on where you sit.

(06:39)
So my next question is how do you honor your spouse when they’re not wired for the entrepreneurial rollercoaster and how do you help them understand the various mindsets that you have to have or just business in general? And that growth takes time or the cost of masterminds and courses. Just how do you approach it respectfully and kindly, but still push yourself to the next level. You leave him. I’m just kidding. So I’m so here, because I’m with you, my husband is not an entrepreneur. He like corporate mindset and he’s like, you could just go back to work and like step into six figures.

(07:23)
So the journey to now is difficult and especially it’s difficult when you have a spouse that sees success in financial gain. And I think 90% of people are sitting in that spot, because life is uncomfortable when you’re not financially stable. And it’s tough because the entrepreneurial journey is at the beginning 80% hustle and very little profitability. So how do we honor our spouse? I think it really stems from a couple of things. Number one is really open and honest communication that is poised toward their personality style. So it really helped me to understand my husband’s Enneagram number. He’s a nine. So I’m like, okay, he’s the helper.

(08:07)
There’s a different way that I need to communicate with a nine than a five. So if you guys are like, you need to understand your spouse’s style of communication before you go spout off. Cause I’m a three, so I’m like, blah, blah, blah. We’re gonna do it. And yeah, and I’m gonna be a millionaire. And he’s like staring at me like who is this freak? Like you’re making no money. Right? So I have to come at him in a way that he can understand me. So coming at them in a communication style, that’s poised towards their personality.

(08:34)
The second one is timing of the communication. It’s hard for me to bite my tongue and wait until the time is right to have hard conversations, but it makes the biggest difference in the world. When I wait until we’re already having a great time, there’s a natural transition into whatever I wanna say. Like, oh my gosh, Hey babe. So there’s this course. I don’t know if it would be a great idea for me or not, because it’s a thousand dollars, but it’s gonna teach me how to do organic sales funnels. This was like a real conversation I had with him and I’m like, listen, I need to do this, but it can be my mother’s day gift and my birthday gift. And what do you think?

(09:14)
I kind of like put it on his plate so that he could feel like, oh, that would be a great investment. Like, so make it about them instead of about you and never having anger behind it. Another thing is let it sit with them. So communication timing. The third one, especially our husbands guys was make them think it’s their idea. And a lot of times I had to plant seeds like three to six seeds before I ever got a yes from him. But if you want something and you know, it will help you and you’ve prayed over it and you really fiercely believe that it’s the right investment for you, the right course for you. It’s the right path for you even if you’re making no money today.

(10:00)
Just keep kindly asking, keep planting the seed, keep working hard. And then the last tip here is if it’s purely money driven, is there something else you can do? Part-time on the side to make some money while you build your passion project, because sometimes we have to make sure there’s water under the bridge before we jump off and it helps everyone involved. And I know it’s not comfortable and I know it’s not what we wanna hear. We all wanna leave yesterday and start our dream job. But maybe there’s something you can do just to pull in some cash while you build the thing if he’s a hard no.

(10:42)
My last question is in the spirit of networking, giving value and getting your name out there, what are your thoughts on providing one of your services for free in exchange for exposure and what are some questions we can consider before saying yes or no? Give me an example. So maybe someone that has a membership group, like a large membership group and they don’t have a good system in place for dripping the emails when people sign up or they just don’t know how the tech stuff works really well.

(11:14)
And they say, well, you set up my systems for me. And you know, in my email signature, I’ll let everybody know that you set up the system or I’ll give you a shout out on my Instagram or something like that. So I think especially when you’re getting started, it’s always wonderful. If you can guest up, which is what I call it. Like if you can do something for someone with a bigger following than you, but get something in return from it. I don’t think that can ever hurt you.

(11:42)
If you have the time and bandwidth, and you enjoy it then why not? Now that being said, there are some questions to ask yourself. Number one, will this exchange help me grow my business, grow my profits or bring me joy? If those are no, absolutely not. There’s been times where someone will approach me and they’re bigger than me. Like, Hey, come on my podcast and we’ll, you know, promote yours. I’m like, Nope. Like I don’t actually enjoy working with you or your style doesn’t feel right, or your audience isn’t aligned with mine.

(12:21)
That’s another question you can ask yourself is, is their audience my audience? This is the one I see the most is that people say yes, because someone’s big than them. Oh, they’ve got 10,000 followers or they’ve got this great membership community of 20,000 people. Yeah. But if that’s not the person that’s gonna hire you, work with you, buy from you, follow you next. Those are the questions to ask first. And then the other thing that you wanna, really be sure of is that you’re getting benefit too.

(12:57)
So if you’re doing something like, you know, if you’re doing VA work for someone that’s kind of a behind the scenes thing, so you wanna be sure, how am I going to benefit be specific with them, open communication even potentially in writing or contracted out. Like if I’m gonna do your email signature for you, can I also go into the group and teach your members how to create an email signature inside of their course and pitch my services. So think, yeah, that’s a really good idea. Especially for those of you doing something like a behind the scenes, VA work, podcast producing, photographers that are editing.

(13:40)
I mean, any of that, you still have potential to pitch and grow and it’s always worth asking. My favorite thing is like, sure, I’ll do that for you. But I also wanna pitch a course, my coaching services, give your group a discount on it. I hope you loved that quick 10 by 10 and that you took away some value to help you in your own life and business. Send you off with love and light. I will see you again tomorrow. XO XO, Stef.