Jealousy & Insecurity in this Competitive Online Business World

Hey, Sis!

I know how HARD it is to see people pass you by. To wonder why you’re not having your breakthrough. To feel jealousy, insecurity or lack. Umm, hello… we are HUMANS after all. And Girl, I totally get it. I find myself triggered on a weekly basis, lol! I’m like… whyyyyyyyy!? While the struggle is real, so is the solution.

The Competitive Online Business World can be triggering, but there’s a way to stay in your own LANE!

There is a way to navigate this competitive online space without tearing each other (or ourselves) down. There is a way to walk in excited anticipation while supporting each other. A way to love on other’s successes while building our own – and it all starts with today’s conversation.

I know that you’re going to LOVE this one! Enjoy.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

(00:00):

Hey, Girls. I hope you’re having a great day. I’m excited to bring this topic to you, which is all about how to navigate feeling jealous or comparison or wondering. Is there really enough to go around? Like, aren’t there too many fish in the sea? And really those fears around growing a business, when somebody copies you, starts doing what you’re doing, or is already doing what you’re doing, because I know those feelings are super real for me.

(00:31):

I’m triggered all the time. And I just want you guys to know that you are totally normal. You are so normal, but we’re going to talk through that today. Not just to validate where we all are as growing entrepreneurs, but also some ways that we can navigate this space because I know it can be messy.

(01:00):

All right. So let’s talk about this guys. I had a friend this morning who pinged me, a client, and she said, “Stef, like, how do you handle coaching people who do exactly what you do? Like I’m in your Facebook groups. There’s all these girls who are like doing exactly what you do. And you’re so graceful about it. How do you check your ego?

(03:51):

How does it not trigger you? Like, do you have them on your podcast? How do you feature people that are competition, like literally direct competition with you and…help?” And I thought that was such an amazing question. I thought it was so wonderful that I thought I would share with all of you as well, because while it may seem like, oh, I just, you know, I coach everybody.

(04:18):

I don’t care what anybody’s doing. It’s all wonderful, good and fine. I totally get triggered. Just like you, K? I have moments where I’m like, oh man, somebody is doing the same thing. Or, oh my goodness, this person veered over here and did this thing that I did, or wow, this big fancy person came out with a course that’s just like mine.

(04:39):

I get triggered, too. That’s my humanness. You know, that’s the world telling us there’s not enough to go around and they’re already doing that. Or, oh, look, she copied you. Oh, get mad, get angry. There’s not enough. There’s not enough for you or she’s going to do it better than you. That’s the world.

(05:02):

I have to just bring myself back to this head space of, no, I am me in my own lane doing my own thing that God has asked me to do. And I know that He put me here perfectly on purpose, orchestrated my timing. He’s got the clients in store that I am meant to help. And I don’t need to worry about anyone else’s lane, right? So we’ve got our car.

(05:33):

God’s like, you know, detailed our car. He’s gotten us the right paint, the right passengers in the car. He’s gotten us the right engine. He has our path laid before us. Like we have the map, we know where we’re going. X marks the spot we’re in the car, we’re driving. And if we keep our eyes on the road, we will be where we want to go before we know it.

(05:57):

However, if we start looking at other people’s cars, maybe there’s a car passing us. And that car is a red Ferrari. And we’re like, dang, that red Ferrari so much faster than my car. Maybe I should buy a red Ferrari. Then maybe we’re looking over here on the right. We see somebody in like this awesome Lincoln Navigator, my dream car, by the way. And I’m like, oh, look at the Nav.

(06:18):

They can fit so many more people in that Nav. Like I should get a Lincoln Nav and like go into debt to get the Nav right. Or whatever. Or maybe you’re like, I should just pull over. Like I should just pull over and pick a new route. I should pick a new route because this one is taking too long.

(06:35):

Well, all that is is that’s us getting derailed from God’s plan. He already gave us the car. He already gave us the map. X marks the spot. And instead of sticking with God’s plan and trusting that it is good enough for us. And that is just right. We’re looking at everyone else’s plan and everyone else’s car and everyone else’s journey and everyone else’s path and their passengers and going, but maybe that one would be better for me. But the truth is it won’t because no one else’s car and path and end destination is supposed to be the same.

(07:09):

You know? Like I’m not supposed to have the same clients as somebody else who does an NPS. Nobody does exactly what I do. Nobody does exactly what you do. Somebody could come in and go, oh man, I help people uncover their purpose. Great. But you do it differently than me. Maybe that word even means something different than you, you know?

(07:30):

Like maybe that word means something totally different in your mind. And you have your own system for getting someone from A to Z. The client that comes in, somebody might resonate with her way, her framework better than they resonate with mine. Or maybe she does it in such a way where it’s a big group coaching program and the person wants the group coaching, or maybe somebody else does it one-on-one and that’s what they want. Or, or somebody else does it in person.

(07:56):

Somebody’s like, solutions are different because different clients need options. They need different ways of getting from A to Z. They also need to like the person giving them the solution. While someone might resonate with me and go, wow, I’m definitely working with Stef to figure out my calling, cause I like what she’s all about. I like her style. I like the way that she talks, or whatever.

(08:24):

And I don’t know if you guys liked the way that I talk, but you know what I mean? I like her faith foundation. I like that she wears PJ’s all day. Cause I can resonate with that. And then someone else is like, well, I don’t like that. I like this person over here because they’re very business focused. Or that they get dressed every day and show up in an office. I like that about them.

(08:41):

I like that they’re extremely goal-oriented and like type eight, whatever. And I think that’s okay. I think that we should start granting permission to our sisters in Christ who do the same things that we do, not that they need permission, but granting permission for there to be more than one car in your lane. And that you also give yourself permission to not look up.

(09:05):

Actually. I think that we should say, go ahead and pass me, Girl, go ahead and pass me. It’s all good. This takes practice because our ego will get in the way. Now, that’s just a little soap box here. That’s not me saying I never get triggered when somebody does what I do. I absolutely do. I get triggered when somebody… and here’s the thing: there is flattery. And then there’s straight up copying and straight up copying is extremely triggering.

(09:31):

The bigger that you guys get, you will have copycats. Okay? You will have people who rip off your stuff. They’re going to say what you say, to create courses you create. They’re going to have a podcast intro that’s exactly like yours. It’s going to happen. Why? Because they don’t know yet who they are.

(09:48):

People don’t copy you to be mean to you. They don’t copy you or imitate you because they want to hurt you or slight you. They’re doing it because they are lost. They don’t know who they are. They don’t have that absolute clarity yet on their own business, their own brand. And so it really is flattery. You know, it really is. Wow. Like, let me pray for this person that they find their own way. And often, let me tell you guys another big spoiler here of after this has happened to me multiple times, they end up rebranding because my thing doesn’t work for them.

(10:25):

Okay? Your theme is not going to work for someone else. Okay? Maybe your niche. They can find something within that niche. Maybe your guidance will help them ultimately find their way, but them ripping off your stuff will never work for someone else because it was never their car. It was never their path. It was never their destination.

(10:53):

I can even speak to this myself. You know, if you go back to 2016 and I started blogging, I was totally copying other people, not like plagiarizing, but I was copying other people’s blogs styles. I was copying their blog types. I was even looking at like, what types of recipes are they doing? I’ll do something similar. And it never worked for me because that’s not who I am. That’s not who God has asked me to be.

(11:21):

Thank goodness nobody was ever super mean to me. Or I did get called out. I will be honest, which is good. I’m so glad that I did, but I was just struggling. You know, I was struggling to find my voice. I was struggling to find my way. Struggling to find my worth. I looked around at other people’s worth at other people’s stories at other people’s cars. I tried to hop in someone else’s Lamborghini and it broke down.

(11:48):

This might be what’s happening for you. So I want you to, first of all, just bless it and release it, Girl. Like it’s all good. There is space for everybody in this online industry. And if you find yourself jealous, triggered, or your ego is creeping up and you’re starting to get a little huffy, like, she copied my meme or she, you know, was doing my thing.

(12:11):

I first want you to take a step back. I want you to take a deep breath, and I want you to pray. And I’ll just say as a sample prayer with you right now, because y’all, I know this happens to me. I feel like on a weekly basis. Okay? You are not alone. Father God, I pray that you would just remove this spirit of jealousy insecurity or unworthiness. Remove this spirit from my heart, from my body and from my mindset in the name of Jesus Christ.

(12:41):

I pray that you replace it with encouragement for my sisters. I pray that you helped me to stop focusing on me and start focusing on service. Start focusing on the women that you have called me to serve and help to stop wanting an outcome so badly that I lose perspective and love of the journey.

(13:01):

I pray that you just cast out any of the enemy’s plans over my life to focus on money, success, or lack, and that you just replace it. God, I pray that you would replace the spirit of insecurity with fulfillment, with enoughness, with encouragement and that you would remind me that this is not about me. I pray God less of me, more of you.

(13:41):

And I know that you will do this and you will cast out this spirit that’s within me right now of jealousy, insecurity, comparison, imposter syndrome in the name of Jesus. Amen. When I say that prayer, it helps me to get centered and it helps me to remember what’s truly important.

(14:01):

It helps me to remember that this really isn’t even about me, but it’s all about Him using my gifts for His glory, helping serve you all to my fullest capacity, whether or not it makes me money, whether or not you ever buy whether or not someone copies me. I mean, whatever, whatever. I will tell you the most crazy breakthrough thought, I guess that I had last week as I was kind of going through this myself and then my friend/ client messaged me this morning and I’m like, wow, I am not alone in this.

(14:36):

This jealousy just creeps in. And I know it’s the enemy saying there is not enough. Get flustered, start a fight. You know, start posting passive aggressively towards that person. All of those things are not from God. I had this idea and this thought, and that thought was, you know what? I hope that my clients pass me, that my podcast students’ podcasts get bigger than mine.

(15:07):

I hope that their courses are more successful than mine. I hope that one day I can look up and say that I had a hand in somebody else’s breakthrough. Even if it’s bigger than mine, even if their bank account grows more immense and more fruitful than mine. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about furthering your gifts for God’s kingdom. I am not going to be the person who says you don’t deserve to have an incredibly fruitful financial flourishing, successful business, because I know that my girls are using that to further God’s glory here on earth to tithe more, to give more, to impact more.

(15:55):

Yes, and amen and whatever role I play in that, I’m here for it. It gave me a fresh set of eyes. It gave me this new perspective in this heart-shift of I’m here for this. I’m here for my girls growing. I am here for people who are in the same lane as me. It doesn’t mean I need to get in their car. It doesn’t mean that they need to get in my car.

(16:19):

You know, road trips are fun. You guys, but like, let’s just get where we’re going. Okay. This just means that we get in our car and we focus on where God asked us to go and we don’t look up. It doesn’t matter who’s driving next to you or who passes you. It actually doesn’t matter who you pass either because your journey is yours and I want you to trust it.

(16:42):

I want you to know that when you get to that end destination, it’s exactly what it should be in exactly the timing that it was meant to be there, that the exact right people you were meant to help and serve are already preplanned for you.

So us fighting or climbing or tearing each other down or feeling these feelings of lack or insecurity or judgment, all that does is actually nothing but create turmoil inside of your own heart and probably your business as well and derail you from the destination in which God’s trying to get you.

(17:20):

Letting all of those feelings go and trusting is the very best thing that we can do. I just pray that this finds you right on time. And here’s another challenge for you. Here’s what I want to challenge you to do right now, sister, whoever it is that you’ve been feeling this way about whether it’s a big influencer, whether it’s someone you coach who started doing what you do, whether it’s someone who has a similar course than you, whether it’s a friend who you see their success booming, whether it’s a spouse, you’re going, gosh, why can’t I get that breakthrough?

(17:50):

You’re feeling those feelings of maybe jealousy, ego. What if you want it? You want what they have. I’m going to challenge you right now to lay that aside and to pray for them. I want you to pray for more success for them. Pray for a bigger breakthrough in their life. I want you to pray that your feelings are cast aside for their glory.

(18:15):

I challenge you to do that because I will tell you something will change and shift in your heart. And through that love of other people and seeing other people win, you will win and you will feel different and God will open doors for you just simply through the obedience of loving other people. Even when they get there faster than you, even when their car is a little newer than your car. You know what I’m saying?

(18:41):

We’ve got to love our sisters in Christ because we are all working together. We are not in this fighting each other for market share, contrary to belief, okay? We’re in this together. We are all a puzzle piece to God’s glorious master plan. We need to come together for the King. And that means loving and lifting and encouraging and knowing that other people will be faster and better and other people will copy you.

(19:07):

That’s okay because you don’t need to worry about it. You’re in your car. You got places to go. We got people to see, you know what I’m saying? I love you, Girl. I pray that this helped you. Just keep working on this. Another awesome tip that I had from a friend of mine who has gone through decades of therapy is if you’re having trouble really letting go of these feelings or even forgiveness, forgiveness comes into play too, because it does hurt.

(19:34):

Sometimes when someone copies you or does something deliberate, and I just wrote Fruits of the Spirit, Stefanie, what would Jesus do? Fruit of the Spirit right now, Fruit of the Spirit, praying for that person, praying for myself to change and shift my feelings. And then from my therapy friend, write a letter. You don’t actually send it. Okay? But you like, you write a letter to this person, getting all of your feelings and emotions out.

(20:00):

You pray over this letter and then you tear it up, can throw it away. You can flush down the potty. It doesn’t matter. But just to get them out of you and replace it with something that God has, that’s better and more fruitful. We only have so much energy. Okay? So I would rather see all of you focusing your energy on your car, on your journey, on your destination than focusing your energy on someone else’s car and someone else’s journey and someone else passing you because it’s not helping you get there and your energy, what you focus on grows.

(20:33):

Think of it this way. You want your business to grow. Your podcast to flourish. You want your stuff to magnify. To attract the right people onto your team. You want your marriage to become better and more fruitful. Focus on it in a positive light, in a loving light, in a prayerful, careful, amazing energy. Ask God to be with you in that.

(20:57):

Because when you do that, you’re amplifying that if you focus on it from a negative head space, from a judgment headspace, a jealousy headspace, you’re amplifying the jealousy. You’re amplifying those feelings of anxiety, turmoil, and loss within your heart. So what do you want to amplify? I want to amplify God’s way, His way, His gifts for His glory. 100% of the time. It’s not 100% of the time, but that’s my dream wish and want for myself.

(21:25):

It’s my want for all of you. I love you, Girl. I pray that this just lifted your spirits. Encouraged you get into my DMS. Let me know if this helped you in some way. I would love to hear from you guys. What else do you want on this podcast? I am literally here to serve you. My entire heart and soul and focus and calling is you. What do you need? What do you want more of? Do you guys love the verse episodes? Do you want more business strategy?

(21:50):

Do you want more vulnerability from me in the areas of spirituality? Do you want me to talk more about what, marriage parenting? I’m here for it. So tell me, you can email us support@stefaniegass.com. Pop into my DMS guys. I manage my own Instagram DMS. You can talk to me at any time. Shoot me a voice memo. Your girl doesn’t text. @StefanieGass. I love you guys. God bless. I’ll see you here real soon.