Become a B.O.U.N.D.A.R.Y Baller as a Christian Entrepreneur!

Hey girl!

Are you struggling with boundaries? Need some help setting up a B.O.U.N.D.A.R.Y. blueprint as a Christian Entrepreneur?

Today I will share with you a framework that will guide you in implementing a simple, yet tactical boundary plan you can depend on. I pray this episode finds you right on time.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

(00:00):

Hey sisters, Merry Christmas Eve. I am so blessed to have you guys in my sisterhood. I just felt led to, I wasn’t going to post, I wasn’t going to share anything today. I was just going to take the rest of this week and post nothing. And then I realized, you know what, no, I want to send you guys off with just some gratitude for you.

(00:26):

You know, this calling this gifting that God has given me the clarity work that he has me doing. Mentoring you guys in impacting others and serving and doing this his way. It’s all nothing without you. None of it matters unless you guys are here to receive it.

(00:48):

And I just want you to know that you matter and that you being part of this with me is what makes it impactful. It is what creates traction for the kingdom.

(00:58):

And so I’m grateful for you. You ever heard this scripture, iron sharpens iron that’s you guys, I wouldn’t be iron without you.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m so thankful for you, and I hope you have a beautiful Christmas with your family, celebrating Jesus and all that he does for us and did for us and continues to do with us. We are just so lucky. We are so covered.

(01:24):

We are so protected and we’re just here for it. And I’m so thankful that he’s brought us together. So I wanted you to know that. And I wanted to gift you guys this training that I did a couple of days ago over in my Facebook group from the 12 days of Christmas workshop, which is 12 days of productivity, purpose, and planning happening over there.

(01:47):

So if you want to catch the other 11 trainers, yes, there were 12 of us training in my group, totally for free. We sold nothing poured into you and gave it all away. Come on over search for mompreneur mastermind and in the Facebook tab, join the group and then click on the units the 12 days of Christmas, and you can catch all of those trainings.

(02:07):

They’re going to be in there for awhile. So enjoy. And I hope that this message today on boundaries really blesses you and sets you up for success in 2021. I’ll see you soon.

(03:10):

Today we are going to learn. Let’s go ahead and kick into dig into the very first training for the 12 days of Christmas. You’re going to need a notebook and pen for this one. I’m telling you is pretty good. What we’re going to be talking about today is boundaries. Boundaries, baby. All right.

(03:29):

So what the heck is a boundary, Stef? And I know you may think like, well, I got boundaries on that boundaries girl, but do you, do you have some boundaries, Lola? Okay.

(03:39):

A boundary is an intentional decision to protect he moments that are meaningful to you, to protect the blessings that you have in your life and to intentionally choose where you are going to pour into these areas and when. And so boundaries are really being intentional with your time at the end of the day.

(04:10):

And it’s choosing to know where each minute of your day is going and why you’re actually spending time doing what you’re doing. That’s what it is. Now boundaries are one of the hardest things in the world to set up, believe me. I know, okay. I have gone through periods of my life, where I didn’t have any boundaries when it came to work and I would just work 24/7.

(04:35):

And what happened was, you know, my health crumbled, relationships were definitely not at the place where God would want them. And definitely my relationship with God wasn’t as strong because when you stop creating boundaries in your life and you let things that you do become an idol, it steals from the things that matter, the things that God has in store for you, the moments that you have with your kids, it’s just this joy stealer when you don’t have boundaries, but they’re so hard.

(05:10):

They’re hard to set up. So today I’m going to take you through the boundary blueprint. And it’s going to help you identify where you need boundaries. We’re going to go through what needs to change in your life.

(05:28):

And then we’re going to go through how you can set these up and not ever fall prey to letting boundaries slip through the cracks. Again, y’all ready for this. Drop me some bees in the cha if you’re ready to dig into some boundaries, let’s do it. Okay.

(05:42):

So the first thing we’re going to do is we’re going to go through B O U N D A R Y. We’re going to go through the word boundary. This is how you’re going to remember how to set up the boundary blueprint. We’re going to start with B in the word boundary.

(05:59):

Okay. So B step one, B is blessings. On your sheet of paper, write down a B and write down blessings. And what I want you to do is I want you to write down what are the top five blessings that are in your every day that are in your life, that you are so grateful for?

(06:22):

I’ll tell you guys a funny story, as you draft down your Bs, your blessings. This morning, so it’s kinda funny. We’re making pancakes and sausage, my husband and I and we turn on church because you know, the COVID and all that.

(06:38):

So we turn on the live church and they’re just, you know, their worship, they’re worshiping, they’re singing. And I serve everybody their breakfast. And we come and we sit down and like worship music’s just in the background.

(06:49):

And we’re all sitting together around the little kitchen nook and have their little pancakes and the little fruits I’m just sitting there and like this, like holy spirit moment came over me of gratitude. And I’m just looking at them like, is this my life?

(07:07):

Like, look at these perfect healthy children and this amazing husband that I have. And like this worship music, that’s just radiating through this room. And I started crying. You guys, I’m like, oh my gosh, this is just such a moment. And my husband’s like, are you okay?

And I got like a napkin. I’m like, sorry, it’s just so beautiful. Like, we’re sitting here having pancakes to worship music.

(07:35):

Anyway, my point is when you identify the things that matter to you the most, you have a heightened sense of gratitude for when those things happen. Now, when you don’t have any boundaries, normally old Stefanie would have had my phone at breakfast.

(07:54):

I would have had my phone and I would have been checking and making sure this stuff was prepared for this morning’s talk. I would have been thinking about notes like, oh, what do I want to say to them? Or maybe looking up a scripture or whatever it was.

(08:08):

But because I have boundaries, when I sit my booty down to eat with my family, no distractions are happening. So the blessings matter. So have you guys written down the five things that matter to you the most? Now some examples are some examples are, let’s see my family, right?

(08:30):

My morning routine, my time with God, lately my health and fitness, my marriage, my children and this business, this very business right now spending this time with you guys and pouring into you. So those are some things that really matter to me. All right. We’re going to go to number two. Are you guys done? Did you write down your blessings?

(08:52):

If so, drop me one of the blessings you wrote down below. The next letter is O, so B was blessings, O is observe. Hey guys, if you’re just joining us, I don’t know what’s happening with this filter right now. It’s like going crazy.

(09:11):

Any who? You guys don’t care. Family. Yes. Good. My kids. I love your kids, Brooke! Ronica, healing. Amen, friend. Okay. So now let’s go to observe, keep dropping those blessings below. Number two is observed. So the below the blessings, on your sheet of paper, O is for observe. Where are you overly anxious, tired, burnt out, exhausted.

(09:39):

Okay. And a few things will pop right to your mind. Maybe it’s one relationship that you have in your life. Maybe it’s your business right now or your marriage feels strained. Could be your health or your wellness. What is it?

(10:00):

What are the areas where you’re feeling really anxious, tired, overwhelmed. And I want you to write that down in the observed bucket, because what happens is, as we start to observe our life from an emotional perspective, so now we’ve emotionally identified where we feel blessed.

(10:16):

And then secondly, we’ve emotionally observed where we’re not feeling really good, where we’re not feeling really lit up often. That’s an indication of some places in your life where you do not have adequate boundaries set up. When I think about, you know, five years ago Stefanie, work for me was causing anxiety.

(10:40):

It was causing a weight gain because I was emotionally reacting and eating to working 24 hours a day. The guilt was surreal. It was through the roof strained, strained, friendships, marriage. My marriage was like, I was always talking about work. It was all that really mattered.

(10:59):

So if I was to observe the different buckets of my life, and here’s some examples of buckets. Okay. So spiritual relationally, relationships, your marriage, your friendships, your health, your motherhood, your work and your home. Okay. I would’ve identified something’s wrong in this bucket and I need to set some boundaries.

(11:21):

So what area are you observing? That doesn’t feel good right now. I want you guys, if you’re so willing share one below. Now, one for me recently was my health. You know, COVID had me not working out. I was eating whatever I wanted, processed and sugars.

(11:39):

And I could feel that I was not treating my body like my temple. So that was something I observed. And I needed to reset the boundaries and the intentionality in that one bucket. So that was mine. And I’m working on that. And it’s great because here’s the thing. None of us are perfect.

(11:57):

None of you are perfect. But when you identify some of the areas that you need to work on and you pray over it, which we’re going to get to all these next steps in a moment, you’ll find the answers. Okay, let’s go to the next one.

(12:08):

U, so blessings, observe. Now U – understand. Understand, what is this? This mean? This means you have to inventory what you observed, understand it. So we don’t need to get mad at ourselves, right? We don’t need to be angry with ourselves.

(12:29):

We just have to inventory and understand why am I not making that a priority? Or why is this the only thing that it matters? Why is this the only thing that I’m focused? So hyper-focused on and give yourself some grace and dig into it a little bit.

(12:48):

For me, if I’m using my health example, well, it’s because when I don’t work out, I tend to, I’m kind of an all or none person. So I tend to not eat that well. Then I started making excuses. Well, I’m already at five pounds. So whatevs, I’ll just eat some more or I’ll get back to my health on Monday.

(13:08):

So I kept making excuses for it. And then I understood that, you know what? The reason that I am not doing really great in this one boundary area with health and wellness is because I don’t have a plan that’s working for me. I’m tired of doing the diet wheels. I’m tired of all, or none.

(13:25):

Like, I want to have a piece of pizza or a cookie and eat green things. Okay. Like, can’t I both, and then praying over it. Yeah. Lo and behold, an opportunity came up for me to work with my friend, Jess, who is an intuitive eating coach. And for the last four weeks, I literally feel like my life is being transformed.

(13:43):

And I have new boundaries in an area that for me, for a while has been an issue. So when you can identify these areas, that don’t feel really great and you pray over them and you start to put intention behind how you can change it.

(13:57):

I still love myself. There’s nothing wrong with me because I’ve been struggling in that boundary. It’s just that I needed to do a little work over there. It’s not something natural for me and you guys, there are things and areas in your life that are not going to be exactly natural for you.

(14:12):

And so sometimes we have to put some more intention behind those areas of our life. Next one, Number N or letter N. So we’ve got B O U N, N is negotiate. You’ll guys will love this one.

We’re going to negotiate with ourselves. Okay. Now, when you guys find the areas, the little pieces of your pie that are kind of lacking, you got to negotiate with yourself.

(14:37):

This is not all or none. Okay? You have identified that spiritually you are feeling really lacking. You are not loving that bucket of your life, but the thought of digging fully in and reading the Bible in 365 days, and trying to figure out how scripture applies to you.

(14:54):

And you don’t want to wake up at six in the morning. It’s okay. Booboo, let’s go one baby, step at a time. Let’s take one little step and step into this new boundary in your life, or this new intention in your life and say, great, I’m going to start with five minutes a day.

(15:12):

I’m just going to find five minutes whenever I wake up and I’m going to step aside, grab this Bible study that feels really good and easy to me. And it’s easy to digest. I’m going to start there.

(15:25):

Some of the boundaries in my life were not easy to start. I get off social media at six o’clock, roughly every single day, Monday through Friday. And then I delete the apps on the weekends. You guys, that was not an easy boundary to set. So I started by telling myself. I will do it one time.

(15:42):

And if I don’t love it, then that’s okay. But guess what? It changed my life so drastically.

It’s a boundary that not only have I committed to every single day for the past, roughly three years, unless I’m launching something or doing something like this for you guys, but I’ve also increased it to the point where sometimes I delete the apps on the weekdays, just because I’m not feeling it.

(16:04):

And I love that I have that power within myself and my life to make those choices, but it wasn’t easy. I had to negotiate with myself. So that’s a tip for those of you that are really struggling with, how do I set up a boundary when it feels so all or none?

It feels like it’s debilitating because I have to literally set, lay something down. That’s maybe been an idol for awhile. You just tip toe in, babe.

(16:30):

You just tip toe in. All right. Next letter is D – that stands for draw the line. You’re going to draw the line in the sand. This means once you’ve made the choice, my loves, you have to plan how those boundaries will look in your life. Okay?

(16:49):

So when I decided I’m going to delete Facebook and Instagram on the weekends, I had to plan for it because that’s not something I was thinking about at the time, I was addicted and I’m still addicted to these apps. If I don’t delete them, I fully ignore that little time thing that pops up you’re over your Instagram limit.

(17:08):

Like I am addicted. And when we are addicted, we have to remove the drug from our life. So I delete them. That was my drawing the line in the sand moment.

(17:22):

Okay. And that is when I plugged it into my planner, you know, Friday at three, delete your apps. It’s written down and anything y’all that I write down in my planner. It’s a promise to myself, a promise. And I’ve learned a long time ago, three or four years ago. If I have a promise to myself, that is the number one promise that matters next to my promises to God. Okay.

(17:49):

Next, the next letter is A action. We are then going to take action on the boundaries that we have now set up for ourselves. This means you have to actually do the things that you have set out to do. I had to do the thing I wrote down, delete the apps Friday at three, guess what I do it.

I had to write down, you’re waking up at 5.45 in the morning to spend 20 minutes with God, and then do your little workout girl.

(18:20):

I wrote it down and I made it a priority. I decided I am not going to fall victim to the limiting beliefs that I don’t have the power to change my life in these different buckets, because I have all of the power in the world because God has equipped me. Right?

(18:38):

Like I can do anything through him. He gives me strength. But if I don’t follow through with the promises that I have set for myself, I am going to fall victim to these different boundaries, not being set up, I’m going to be tired, exhausted.

(18:54):

And because I know myself, I’m going to easily creep back into the idols that love to keep me captive. Right? Work is an easy idle that I can fall victim to whatever else, those idols all are for you guys. Is it food? Is it social media?

(19:13):

Is it Netflix? Avoidance? Laziness? Busy-ness, what’s the idol that you typically let yourself go to in times of stress, we are bigger and more powerful than the idols that try to keep us captive. Okay. So we’ve got to, then we’ve got to go through this framework.

(19:34):

All right. The next one is R, we only have two left. R – we’re going to reevaluate. We have to constantly reevaluate each boundary that we have in our life. Okay. So I have boundaries with my spiritual relationships with God. I have, I wake up at a certain time.

(19:52):

Monday through Friday, Bible study is happening. And if life happens, I’m going to do it later in the day, because it’s a promise that I have made and it’s changed my life. And when things change your life, you should never lay those things down.

(20:06):

It’s an indication that you’re doing it right. So then I have boundaries with within relationships. And this goes both ways, right? You have boundaries for things you do for others. And you have boundaries for things that you need to say no to.

(20:21):

And you have boundaries for things that you want to create. Like sitting down at dinner with my husband, without our cell phones. That’s a new thing we’ve set up and it’s, we’re working on it. And it’s great. You have boundaries in your health, your motherhood, your work, your home.

(20:34):

So the point here is you have to reevaluate though, because maybe it’s time to increase the boundaries, right? It wasn’t easy for me to delete the apps at first, but once I recognize that it was changing my life, it was a boundary that I made a promise to myself in stone.

(20:51):

I tiptoed in, I negotiated with myself at first, just to see, just to taste it. I was nervous to go all in on something that felt so scary. But what I did was I re-evaluated it a month later and was like, yes, that is a boundary for me. I am writing it in this planner.

(21:09):

That is a new promise to myself with working out in the morning. I was like, I’m just going to do it tomorrow. Wrote it in for the next day. It felt great. I was full of energy. I missed working out so much. And I was so excited to have that boundary back in my life. So I was like, yes, that is a new boundary.

(21:28):

I am setting up. And I wrote it into my planner. And it is a new promise that I have recreated for myself. So you’ve got to reevaluate.

(21:35):

Here’s the other thing and re-evaluation bucket. My friends is that sometimes a boundary that you set up initially is no longer a boundary that you need, which is so great.

Sometimes when we start a new boundary, we need a little bit more structure than what we’ll need three months from now. Right? I needed a lot of structure around my social media at first, because it was such a strong addiction in my life.

(22:01):

But now I’m very controlled. I’m so in control of my social media usage, and I know what it means. I know what it is. I know their tricks. Okay. I’ve seen the social dilemma.

I felt being addicted to it and not being addicted to it. And I’m aware, and my boundaries can be, I’m here with you guys on a Sunday. I’m not scared about that when we’re done, I’m going to delete the app again.

(22:23):

I just re-installed it this morning to do this live for you. I’m good. So you got to reevaluate on a constant basis and I would reevaluate your boundaries once a month.

If you want to really be intentional with this going into 2021, do it once a week. Okay. Final one final one, which is Y, we’ve gone through B O U N D A R Y. And I’ll recap for you guys in a moment. Y – you did it.

(22:50):

That’s what Y stands for. You have gone through the boundary blueprint, you have gone through each and every step to set up some new intentions in your life, in your day, in your planner, promises to yourself, new promises with God, new promises to your family, new promises in your business, and you have then taken the choice, taken the chance and taken the intention to make the change.

(23:17):

You did it. And what I want to say to you right now is that you can do anything, sisters. You have the power to change and transform anything within your life, in these areas of boundaries that you want to change. You’ve got to stop making excuses for why that thing isn’t important enough, why you can’t lay that one thing down.

(23:39):

That’s a huge indication that you need to lay it down. Why you can’t get your health back in check. Why can’t have that time with God, why you can’t wake up early? All of those things are simply lies that the world has told you was okay to tell yourself over and over again.

(23:56):

And today is the day that we draw that line in the sand sisters that we say no to the things that do not ignite our souls on fire. The things that do not create purpose inside of our lives, the meaning, those moments where you start crying at breakfast over the pancakes, like a weirdy.

(24:15):

Yup. Okay. Like this is what it’s all about. This is the life that you are sitting in right here right now is really all that matters. It’s finding the joy in the journey, but if you don’t have those boundaries set up my loves, you’re going to miss it. You’re going to miss the crying at the breakfast table over the pancakes.

(24:38):

Cause you got your phone and your face. You feel me. You’re going to miss that moment where God showed you that same scripture, four times over the course of a week, because he’s trying to tell you something and speak directly to you. But you’re too distracted to hear that divine intervention.

(24:54):

That’s trying to come through. That’s knocking at your heart. You’re going to miss it. We’ve got to have the boundaries. I want to leave you with the scripture. I’m going to let you get to your Sunday.

(25:05):

Okay? Hebrews 12, 11, Hebrews 12, 11, all discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful yet to those who have been trained by it afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Let me say that again.

(25:29):

And then I’ll tell you what this means to me. Hebrews 12, 11, all discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful yet to those who have been trained by it afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. What does that one verse mean? To me? It means girl disciplined don’t feel good, right?

(25:53):

Can I get an amen up in the chat? Like discipline doesn’t feel good. He goes as far here, as to say it feels sorrowful. We don’t like to be disciplined as human beings. We don’t want to lay things down that are our idols in our lives. We don’t want to identify the places we are weak that need to change.

(26:14):

That need to have the boundaries in place. But guess what? When we put discipline inside of our lives, inside of our motherhood, our marriages, our businesses inside of ourselves, inside of our health, inside of whatever the thing. And you know, the thing, my friend, you know, the things that need to be changed. Okay.

(26:35):

When you do it. And it says, who have been trained by it. So discipline is not going to be a one-time thing. That’s why I said negotiate with yourself, ease in, and then practice that discipline. Make the promise and practice the discipline.

(26:52):

Once you’ve been trained by it, then it says afterwards, afterwards, not during, because during we’re like, oh, like another workout or like, ah, to delete social today or like, oh my gosh, I got to pray for my spouse. And he’s being some type of way, like what is whatever, okay.

(27:12):

But it says afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness, the peaceful fruit sisters. How many of you want peaceful fruit in your life? How many of you are ready for peaceful fruit today and tomorrow and forever. It starts with the boundaries and the disciplines to make it happen.

(27:38):

So B was for blessings. O was for observe. U was understand. N was negotiate. D was draw the line. A was action. R reevaluate and Y you did it. Your homework for today for the very first day of the 12 days of Christmas workshop.

(28:06):

And you’re welcome that I showed up in all my Sunday glory for you guys, because this is life. Am I right? Like, this is why we do these businesses that we do so that we can show up as we are. And this is as I am today.

(28:18):

So thank you for loving me anyway, because I wasn’t about to do my hair up here on a Sunday. Thanks for loving me anyway. But what I want to leave you guys with is your homework. And that is to draft out if you’re so brave and you’re so willing and you’re so, and you feel led right now to just be brave and make some promises in your life.

(28:40):

I want you to share what happened when you were journaling these out. I want you to come over and share in the group, your boundaries blueprint, your B O U N D A R Y to come share it in the group. I’ll share mine. And then I want you to just take the rest of the day off.

(28:54):

I want you to delete social media after you’ve shared your boundary blueprint. And I just want you to sit, sit in your glorious mess, sit in your life, sit with God today.

Be. Take some stillness, just watch when’s the last time you laid it all down and you watched and you looked around and you soaked in the blessings and the messages that God had for you is your life.