6 Steps to Doing The Thing That Scares You The Most (From My Personal Experience)!

Hey Friend!

Today, we’re talking about doing the thing that scares you most.

I find some things really scary, and I’ve talked about them with you in the past. One was traveling alone. The only way to overcome this fear is to actually do the thing. I’m happy to report that I have traveled alone a handful of times since airing that episode, and I have to say I’m not really scared of it anymore.

The second thing was public speaking. I know that might completely shock you. You probably think, “That’s what you do for a living, Stef,” but I do it from behind a mic. and screen. To me, there’s some kind of mental shift that happens when you ask me to get up on a big, scary stage in front of all kinds of people. Small groups of people, no problem. I’m talking about an actual stage with many human beings staring at me. I want to avoid it.

So, I had an opportunity through my church to come and do a reading for the church, which is no big deal. But our church is BIG! There are probably 500 to 1,000 per service, and there are three services.

I Wanted to Run the Other Way

Everything inside of me wanted to say no, absolutely not, and run the other way. But I’ve been working with myself to press into the things that I find uncomfortable so I can raise the lid on my discomfort level. I want to continuously push myself higher and higher and higher so I’m eventually unafraid of many things.

I think the only way we grow in our kingdom authority is to push through our earthly fears. So I said yes, and I went through six steps to actually make it to the other side. I’m happy to report, friends, that I didn’t die, and I’m still here. And now, I get to share with you the six steps to doing the thing that scares you the most.

What’s the thing that you really want to do, but fear is keeping you from taking action? Write it on a sheet of paper because I want you to envision it as I reveal these six things that I went through.

If you were to do that, what would this look like for you? Because maybe getting to the other side of that thing for you is actually a lot closer than you think. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Personal Experience Step 1: Just Say Yes!

This is the pivotal decision-making point in time where you have to lean into the discomfort. When I was asked to read in front of my church, I wanted to run the other way. Everything inside of me was like, “Make excuses, say no.” And really, it wasn’t so much that I didn’t have the time because we were actually home that weekend. It probably would have been perfectly fine.

The problem was that I was afraid. I was afraid to stand on the stage and that I would sound nervous. That was my big fear. So I paused and took a moment. I remember being in the gym and telling my husband, “You know, I don’t really have time.”

He said, “Maybe you should just do it.” I could tell in my spirit that I was supposed to do it, that maybe this was a stepping stone for me. So, before I could allow myself to overthink it—this was about two weeks prior to the speaking date—I just said yes. So step one is: Just. Say Yes.

There is always a reason not to do it, and there’s always a reason the timing isn’t exactly right. But if we just say yes, we make the commitment to face our fear.

Personal Experience Step 2: Prep and Practice

After I said yes, I received the reading I would be doing. That led me to step two: prep and practice. I get nervous and fearful because I’m entering unknown territory, right? It’s uncharted waters. So, I rehearsed it and read it out loud in front of my kids, to my husband, and in the car.

I even practiced holding the microphone up. As I prepped and practiced, I became more comfortable with what I was about to do. So, as you’re facing this thing you’re about to do, how can you prepare and maybe even practice? I know that maybe your fear is not a speaking engagement for you.

Maybe your fear is starting the podcast. So go in your car, hide out in your closet, get your phone, and record a three-minute practice episode just to show yourself that you are actually capable at a micro-level of doing this thing that you’re afraid of.

Prepping and practicing really showed me that if I can do this just by myself and in front of a few people, it’s going to be the same exact thing, just on a wider scale.

Personal Experience Step 3: Don’t Overthink It

As I sat there for two weeks overanalyzing all the things, I had these moments of anxiety. But when I would just get really busy, I wouldn’t even think about it. And so I made a decision about halfway through: I’m done thinking about this. I’m doing it. It’s going to be great.

I prayed over it. I’ve released it to the Lord. I’ve asked Him for calm and confidence, and that’s enough. It’s going to be what it’s going to be. I made the decision to just not think about it. And when I thought about it, I would do something else.

This elusive outcome we’re actually holding onto – one that may or may not happen – is causing fear and anxiety. So, if we don’t allow our minds to go there, we can get to the end result faster, and we can get it done. Until we actually get it done, we don’t have a new baseline on which to base our fear or maybe eradicate our fear. Then you realize, wow, that wasn’t as hard as I thought.

Personal Experience Step 4: Pray and Trust

I think when we’re doing something we’re afraid of, it’s easy to hang on to the fear rather than surrender it to God. Things like overanalyzing and getting stuck in your fear spiral.

For me, I just said, “Lord, give me the confidence. Help me to be calm. I’m asking for calm confidence. I’m asking for peace. Wrap this opportunity for me in you. Make this about You, Lord, and not about me. Help me to have that mindset that this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.”

When I found myself in that spiral of fear, I would just say prayer and trust Him that He would take care of it.

Personal Experience Step 5: Do It

So the day came, and I had to be there really, super early to go through the rehearsal. Then we were going to have three services. Thankfully, there was a rehearsal.

Going through the rehearsal, it was totally fine, except that I missed a word. It’s an empty auditorium with just the staff all staring at you. That one was a little bit like a seven out of 10, minus the word that I skipped. But it helped so much to do that run-through. So do it. Just do it once.

Personal Experience Step 6: Analyze and Ask

Then, I analyzed what I did, which is step six. As soon as we were done with the run-through, I said, “Okay, I’m going to take a deep breath, and I’m going to read really a little bit slower with some intentionality, and I won’t skip the word.”

So, by the time the first service came around, I had practiced a lot, and I had surrendered it. The Lord’s peace was over me. I didn’t even look at people. Instead, I focused on where I was supposed to stand, take a deep breath, and read the reading.

I didn’t miss any words for that one! Then I walked off, and I felt completely confident about it. I think it was a nine out of 10. So then I analyzed it, and I felt that the next time, I wanted to give it a little bit more oomph. I wanted to have a little bit more storytelling in my voice.

So, actually, the third time I did it was for the second service. I went out and gave it even a little bit more. That’s the huge service my husband was in. It was a little bit more pressure, but I feel that one was a 10 out of 10. And then, by the third time I did it, it was easy-peasy lemon-squeezy. I was like, “Sign me up. I’m ready to do this again.”

Personal Experience Has Set a New Baseline

So, the point of me walking through these steps with you is that I’ve now set a new baseline for my fear of public speaking. I feel way more comfortable and know that I can get on a stage and not sound nervous. I know that I can get through something. These steps help me feel prepared and confident.

I’ve learned some things to help me navigate this when the opportunity arises again. When God opens a door, sometimes there is just no option but for you to walk through it. I know that He paves the way and gives us what we can handle. He helps us ease in because He is a kind God.

That’s definitely what He was doing for me. But if I had said no, I wouldn’t have moved up my own personal experience and inner bandwidth to become a speaker and be okay with those in-person experiences.

You’ve Got This!

I pray this story from my personal experience blessed you, friend. If you are staring into the face of something that is scary for you, know that you’re not alone. Know that it’s part of being a business owner. It’s part of being a follower of Christ. We all are going to face lots of scary, hard things in our journeys. All we have to do is armor up and walk beside Him in excited anticipation of what He is doing through us.

Focus on how we can be the hands and feet of Christ through this hard thing that we’re doing. Realize and recognize that it’s not even about us. It’s about the message that we’re speaking and the gift that we’re bringing. I love you guys so much. Keep showing up, keep shining, and I’ll see you back here again really soon.

I pray this blesses you!

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