Hey Girl, Hey!

Learn how to build value-based goals. Join in on some fun today as I girl-gab with one of my dearest friends, Jessika Brown! We dive into the question… “Can I really have it all?” We talk about how competition and striving keeps us from living our best, God-led life and why that is. We also define how we can personally use a value-based goal system to create life transformation.

Together, we share a 6 step system to create your own Value-Based Goal Map that can help you eliminate the noise of busy, competition, striving, envy, and limiting beliefs about what your life SHOULD look like. This framework will help you exchange those lies for YOUR TRUTH (in HIM)!

Maybe you really can… have it all….

Get ready. Notebook and pen definitely needed.

Find out your values, here!

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

(00:00):
Y’all are in for a treat today. I am sitting here with my beautiful friend, my incredible mentor, my personal food coach, my sister in Christ, my dear friend, Jessika Brown. And we decided after having a conversation just while we were hanging out one day about competition.

(00:23):
Good competition versus bad competition versus is there God-led competition? What does scripture say about competition? What does research say about a competitive nature? And we just dug into this topic, you know, off the books, just as friends.

(00:37):
And we said, you know what? We got to sit down and talk about this and just said, there’s this thing that you always say to me about having it all. Like, God can be the center of all that you do. And you can have this incredible level of God led success. And we really dug into why we don’t have that.

(00:57):
Why we stay stuck in this worldly definition of what our lives should look like. And often it comes back to that comparison, that envy coveting the not enoughness, that quite frankly we do to ourselves by staying in the wrong platform, by staying surrounded by the wrong people, by not renewing our minds every day in scripture, by not praying enough, by not seeking after his truth over our lives.

(01:22):
And so that’s the kind of thing we’re talking about in today’s episode. It’s a girl gab, just come hang out with us, grab a kombucha, bring your lukewarm coffee. It’s fine. This is a girl gab between me and one of my besties. And I think you’re really going to love it. Let’s talk about comparison and having it all. Let’s talk about value based goals and everything in between.

(02:47):
Hey girl! So are we hanging out yet? Like you and me, are we besties? Do we jam together? Do you laugh with me? Because you know, you can, you know we can like actually hang out together over in my Facebook community. I’m over there. I’m hanging out. I go live every other Wednesday. Love answering your questions. I see you. I hear you. We highlight you.

(03:16):
We have mompreneur of the month gifts. You don’t have to be a mom by the way, come on in. We have ambassadors of the week where you can get featured and market your stuff. We have this incredible God centered faith led community of female entrepreneurs. And we do have a couple of dudes. Dudes, you know what? Let me check for a minute. I know I have my undercover dads that hang out.

(03:44):
Cause I’ve gotten podcast reviews from you guys. Hi, Dustin, by the way, I’ve had conversations with people from my church and whoever else saying like, am I allowed to listen to you? Because I’m a guy. Yes, of course you’re allowed to listen.

(03:59):
I’m so here for this, I’m so here for you, I’m so excited that you’re a dad in our community. And if you want to come hang out with us in the Facebook group, you are welcome to come hang out over there. Just be sure you answered the Facebook group questions. So we know you’re not a creeper. Sorry, not sorry.

(04:17):
Anyway, y’all that is at Bit.ly/successsupportgroup. And the other thing I want y’all to know is I have so many free gifts for you. If you are new around here, you know, and you’re not ready to invest in a course, you’re not ready to invest in coaching. You’re just kind of scoping it out. You’re thinking about the Stef Gass business model.

(04:39):
You can go check out lots of freebies over at stefaniegass.com. I have a free workshop for you over there. You can grab my business blueprint at thebizblueprint.gr8.com. You can get my podcast checklist at podcastchecklist.gr8.com and take a deep dive into all the free stuff and get started. So excited you’re here. Let’s get ready for an amazing epic conversation.

(05:04):
Hi, Jess Brown!

(05:06):
Stef Gass, one of my faves.

(05:10):
Jess and I were talking the other day, well like a month ago, Jess, and we were talking about this concept of competition. And you and I share this one thing in common. It’s like we’re naturally competitive achievers in different ways and in different spheres of our life.

(05:29):
You know, like in me, I had so much competition when it came to business and success and it became an idol and now like I’ll still find myself creeping into like MB type competition and I’ll cast that down right away and I’m aware of that.

(05:46):
And so I’m able to get a handle on it, but then there’s also like this concept of this healthy competition and you and I researched it and I looked into scripture for it, which brought us full circle to this conversation. Like what, what are your thoughts on how this came up?

(05:59):
Yeah, I mean, we were talking about our natural tendency to get competitive and how that can be used for good or evil. And how I think we were talking about some of the stuff we did in the past, like being competitive and how it got us into a bind and like kind of triggered a lot of that shame and feeling inadequate and feeling stuck.

(06:18):
And really, it kind of moved into this space of like, well, can we use con competition for good? And we didn’t really get very far with that. We were like, I don’t know, can we? And then it brought, to me, it came to this space of like something you always say, which is like, you can have it all.

(06:35):
I kind of connected that with our discussion about competition because I thought, yes, I agree with you. It’s something that’s drawn me to you is like, I, yes, I believe you can have it all. And I want it all. But competition is a major obstacle I think.

(06:49):
And having it all and getting to a place where you feel balanced in life. Like you’re doing all the things. When we start getting into that comparison and competitive trap, it can really, I think make it so we don’t have it all and you can take it away from us.

(07:04):
And that definition of having it all that also, we really have to discern through that definition because have it all the world’s way, well, be competitive strive hustle, you need more in order to have it all.

(07:19):
Like I hear you say that I’m like exhausted.

(07:22):
Overworked, you know, versus like, when I say you can have it all, what I truly mean is, and for me, you know, you guys that are on my show know my faith is like a flag. Like I totally love my faith. And so for me, it’s this concept of whatever God, the life that God has created for you is having it all.

(07:42):
You can have it all right, where you sit, whatever that looks like, but you have to get out of your own way. The only reason you don’t have it all because God, your presence here is a blessing and your family is a blessing and your work’s a blessing and your body’s a blessing and your business’s a blessing and whatever’s in the bank account, whether it’s small or big, that’s a blessing that’s, having it all. And we have this viewpoint, I think that’s so skewed, Jess, about what having it all means.

(08:11):
I couldn’t agree more. And I think it gets so skewed. One, like you said, we get stuck in like the worldly expectations and desires and, on my show, I talk more about like diet culture. Like when it comes to having it all with our bodies and our health, we can narrow our expectations for our body and our physical health to which diet culture defines as like being the thin ideal, or now it’s really like the big but ideal.

(08:34):
And getting there and staying trapped in that like narrow definition of having it all, I really think comparison and competition is what drives us there and can keep us just so trapped. And it sucks because it pulls from, I love how you said, the blessings of the family, your body is a blessing. Whatever you have in the bank account is a blessing like it’s this position and posture of gratitude that completely transforms how we view our lives.

(09:07):
It’s so good. So when you and I were talking about this concept of having it all, we really came to this core idea of these goals. What are these goals for your life that create this place of like peaceful, excited anticipation of what your life looks like? You’re joyful, you’re content.

(09:34):
You’re so content with where you are and it’s these goals that are not driven by what you see. It’s not driven by social. It is not driven by comparison, but these goals are like they’re internal and inherent to you. And you had such a great basis for like, how do we discover what these goals should be? Talk about your value system.

(10:00):
I talk a lot about this on the show is like values based health goals. And I think that really transcends onto a lot of the work you do too, is like values based career goals, values based family goals. I mean, really everything we do is tied back to what we value most.

(10:14):
And if we’re wanting to be in a space or we feel like we do have it all, and we have everything that we’ve dreamed of in this life, we’ve got to make sure we’re living out our values. And so for anyone that doesn’t know what values are, here’s like quick values 1:1.

(10:30):
Values are going to be like the top three to five things you grip, tied us to like what you clean to, what drives your behavior it makes you who you are. And I think it’s really important to put words to those values and to label them.

(10:46):
Because if we don’t even know what they are, if they’re kind of like an abstract concept in our mind, it’s hard to make decisions and to set boundaries and you get really clear on what we want to do and the goals we want to set and how to prioritize those goals.

(10:58):
So getting really granular with it and knowing, okay, what are my top three to five? Like my top three are family faith and impact. Like, I know I can cite those and say them, and when I’m making decisions or setting goals or trying to strive for new things, I’m like, does this allow me to live out, serve my family more?

(11:16):
Does it feed my faith? And is it something that I’m called to do? And what’s my impact? How am I doing meaningful work with this?

(11:24):
That’s so good. You know, so funny. I don’t remember my top, but the top three I’m guessing were just faith, family, growth, I believe it’s like something in that realm. So it’s kind of funny. That’s why we get along.

(11:35):
I know. That’s funny. I think that those were yours. That would make sense.

(11:40):
Those are definitely my top five. So good. So when we know what these values are, we can then create these God-centered goals, if you will, and allow you to partner, for Jess and I, our faith with our family with success and impact. And when you look at what we’re doing, that’s exactly what we’re doing.

(12:01):
And so that allows me to feel like I feel so successful in every area of my life. And it’s not a metrics of, there’s no metric. It’s not like, because I make X amount of money, I’m so successful. Oh, because I weigh a certain amount, I’m so successful. Amen. Thanks to Jess. And I’m free from that.

(12:18):
It’s like a feeling that I have because I’m partnering my goal with my value system. And when I hit the goal, I know that I’m operating what I’ve been called to do in these different areas. The feeling of validation is very different when it’s coming from inside your heart, because it’s a value-based metric. It’s not a external metric.

(12:40):
Well, and it’s a cycle that feeds itself too, because then you know you’re on the right track and you keep going and you want to do more and I love that you said that. I’m thinking, so yesterday I text you, one of the listeners on the show sent me kind of her testimony and how my podcast has impacted her.

(12:57):
I don’t know this woman, I don’t know if we’ll ever work together. The fact that I impacted her, I texted, I was like, this made me cry, this is amazing. That’s like a success that’s not a metric, but it’s a feeling so tightly intertwined with my values, that it fuels your fire. Then it’s like, gosh, you go above and beyond and you do more. Who knows what you’re capable of from there?

(13:23):
Oh my gosh. It’s so funny you say that. So today I’m in my Podcast to Profit graduation class and multiple women are telling me not about their business growth, which happened big time, Jess, but they’re talking about how, when I talked about Habakkuk, that’s a story in the Bible about how you stand strong even if, you know, even if there’s no grapes on the vine, even if, and there’s multiple people telling me how their faith was transformed.

(13:49):
Well, faith is my number one core value and so to me, it was like, I mean, gut-wrenching, we were all crying and I felt like that’s the number one way that I know I’m living out, having it all is when I’m able to hear from other people the impact and the change I’m making in the one.

(14:11):
And that’s exactly what you just said too, Jess, it’s like, you’re hearing from the one very different from, I made a video on social and I said, these cool things, and I got 10,000 views. I feel so good, but it’s such a superficial feel good.

(14:26):
And I think it’s the same thing, it shows up a lot in people working on weight loss and trying to, you know, sometimes people listen to me and they, I feel like I give the message that weight loss is a bad word. No, like weight loss is not a bad word. Weight loss is something that I think is a byproduct, but I don’t think it’s the focus.

(14:45):
And it’s like, yeah, the weight loss might make you feel good for a second. But in the end, like that’s not a core value of a lot of people. And if it is a core value, usually it’s intertwined with something that is like a, what’s the word I’m looking for? It’s like a misplaced value. So like a worldly value or it’s a value that was imposed on us from our parents or our upbringing or our culture.

(15:10):
It’s something that was handed to us that we didn’t necessarily choose. So like, for example, I have this one awesome client I’m working with right now. And when we first did her values assessment, control and discipline popped up on her top five and I kind of thought, oh, that’s interesting.

(15:26):
And then we worked through them again and she was like, those are not my values. I did not choose those. That is what I have morphed into after treating my body and food this way for so long. And so we did a total values rehaul and she was able to choose and pick the ones like, no, this is me. This is the person I want to be.

(15:48):
And so, yeah, I think those values going back to them and it’s like, when we’re living in the ones we chose, oh, it’s so powerful. And it’s not just like a superficial ‘Hi there!’ for a second, like the videos or the weight loss.

(16:01):
That’s so good. So for all of you listening, I’ve written down three things that I want to pull from what Jess and I have discussed so far. The first thing is so 0.0 ground zero is I want you to define what it means to have it all. I want to get out a sheet of paper and I want you to write down.

(16:19):
It’s almost like a version of your definition of success. But when we think of success, we think of business. I want you to write down this vision of, to have it all for me, looks like blink. I want you to write that down from a heart space. Get that on paper.

(16:35):
Then three things. One, we want you to determine what your values are and where they can download a values quiz, right? Just like they can get a values list.

(16:46):
Yeah. I can put a link in the show notes.

(16:49):
So we’ve got a values list for you guys. So it’s find your top three to five values. Then number two is to ask, when you go down each value, why did I pick this value? Why is this value here? What does this value mean to me? And I want you to really truly ask yourself if that value is yours. If that value has true meaning to your heart, or if that value is an extension, is that value a solution?

(17:15):
Is that value a superficial thing that you think you must have? For example, when you said the weight loss one, Jess, that person sat there and looked at that and they said, why is weight loss a value? You know, what probably would come out like, because when I lose weight, I’ll feel whatever that lie was over their life worthy or loved.

(17:34):
And then you dig deeper and you realize the value is family, because, you know, maybe it’s like building that love and that beautiful family value system that they didn’t have, for example. So they’re feeling very triggered by their weight. So like if dig in and you peel the onion, you’re going to find what your true values are and scratch off the ones that aren’t there.

(17:56):
And then number three, the third thing I wrote down that we’re going to move into now is now that you have your three top three values, I want you to come up with the goals that are linked to those top three. And I think you can do one major goal in each of the three buckets, three value areas.

(18:14):
So Jess and I could look at what’s our number one goal for faith. What’s our number one goal for family. What’s our number one goal for growth or for Jess impact? I think those for us are interchangeable and find out what those goals are because those three goals and they can be a 90 day goal. That’s a great place to start. Those three things are things you can run after to begin to make this vision of having it all in your life a reality.

(18:43):
That’s so good. I love it. This is Stef Gass at your finest, you guys, before we started this podcast, I told Stef like, okay, I’m going to just go off on tangents. And she goes, don’t worry, Jess, I’ll bring you back in. I love it. And now they’ve got their action items. So like setting those tangible goals in alignment with values.

(19:03):
And this process is something I think both you and I do when we work with clients, you do it in the business realm. I do it in the health and body love realm and getting people to this space of like, okay, what can I do from, you know, how can I take action in these areas of my life to work towards the life I want, but not from the superficial stance, not from this I want to make a million bucks, I want to lose 10 pounds because you know, there’s always another 10 pounds that you want to lose. There’s always more money to be made. Like that’s a never ending space.

(19:39):
Oh, sorry. We’re going to set goals now, but this is where you have really helped me is when you’re setting these goals, making time for them and prioritizing that.

(19:49):
So once you guys have chosen your goals and, let’s just give them some examples, Jess, because I’m a visual learner. So when I say like faith, for example, a goal that I had before, it felt like I had it all. And let me also, I just feel like I have to say something, having it all does not mean that it’s sunshine and rainbows 24/7 in your life.

(20:08):
Look around, you know, like this world is broken, this world is hard, you’re going to go through pain and hardship, but it’s finding the joy even though, it’s finding the beauty in your every day, no matter what the circumstance might be, that is having it all, because your perspective is this beautiful perspective over where’s the joy, where’s the blessing in this, where’s the gift in this.

(20:31):
And there’s something inside of every situation and every hardship that brings me back to like, wow, there was fruit in that and that is having it all. It doesn’t mean that it’s… So I wanted to give you that perspective shift about what having it all means.

(20:45):
No, I really appreciate that. Stef. I think it does really like solidify, it’s like this posture of gratitude. I love how you said it’s no matter what the circumstances I’m grateful for it and see everything that I do have, no matter what cause you’re right, nothing is perfect.

(21:01):
Nobody’s life who has it all had and actually, quite frankly, I think some of the people that quote “have it all” in the worldly sense, have a lot of behind the scenes stuff going on that’s maybe not nearly as sparkly as what we see on Instagram or on whatever platform it’s being shared. So yeah, I love that.

(21:21):
Exactly. So, when I didn’t have it all in this sense of what we’re talking about, like, a heart posture of having it all, a gratitude posture, one of my main goals was I wanted to grow closer with God. So when we look at the faith as my number one value, one thing I actively did.

(21:38):
So when you can look at a tangible tactical goal that helps you in your value system is I decided to wake up an hour earlier and get in scripture and pray. And that was a commitment that I made to myself that aligned with my value that had nothing to do with anyone else. I didn’t care what other people were doing.

(21:56):
This was from my heart space. And I wrote that value down. I committed to the value, which we’re going to talk about these pieces in a moment, I make time for the value, I prioritize the goal. And then I made it happen. I committed to it. I was disciplined to seeing this goal through, and then what happened?

(22:12):
My value my quality, my heart space grew, my perception of how I live. My closeness with God grew, the fruit of my life grew, the relationship, like there were so many extenuating, beautiful circumstances that happen from making that one core goal a reality. So, Jess, give them a goal of one of your other buckets, something tactical that they can just have an example.

(22:39):
So mine, family, faith and impact. Probably one of the more recent ones I had was with my family. I set a goal to spend 30 to 60 uninterrupted minutes with my family every single night. So putting phone away, me not diverting onto like email and starting to … my brain, cause what I’ve noticed is like, I’m a great multi-tasker.

(23:05):
Yes, but it’s like, if I opened my phone and I check my email and I start like looking at it, it’s like, my brain is already answering the email. Even if I have to decide, oh, I’m going to answer it later, my brain’s already there and I’m pulling away from my family.

(23:16):
So I wanted to grow in that so I said 30 to 60 minutes aside every single night or at least once a day to just sit with my family. Like not be productive, not clean, not do like, just be, and like, it was hard for me to be honest with you at first, sitting is hard for me and I did it and I wasn’t perfect at it, but the more I did it and the more I reaped the benefits, I was able to come back to it and prioritize it more and more.

(23:44):
It’s kind of like that, I had a life coach once tell me, motivation doesn’t cause action, action causes motivation. And so it wasn’t like I just started, you know, I had to commit to it. Like you said, it it’s like you made the commitment. I made the commitment, I set the goal. It was a very like tacky goal, like it was very clearly marked out 30 to 60 minutes and started doing it. And that’s when the motivation to do it kicked in because I started feeling the benefits of that.

(24:13):
Exactly. So you are starting to feel the extenuating benefits of making this action happen in your life. And it aligned with your values. You didn’t look around and say, well, so-and-so is doing that. So that’s why I have to do that. It was from your heart space. So now that you guys have some visuals, so we want you to go through your three to five top values and create a tactical sticky goal for each one, just look at 90 days out. I think that’s a great plan.

(24:41):
The next thing that we have to look at then is how do we prioritize and make time to see these goals out in our life to see them through. And I think that’s something that Jess and I take very seriously in our own life is we’re extremely busy. You know, Jess works full time. She runs her podcast. Jess has clients and courses courses. She volunteers at the church.

(25:09):
I’m doing all the things that mom, wife, full-time business ,team to run, like coach, courses, all the things. But yet, somehow we continue to achieve these value, God centered goals in our life, Jess. And then we get closer and closer to this concept of having it all. How do we do that? Let’s talk first about, I guess there’s a few different components of this that we wrote down, but making time was one and prioritizing was another, what do you want to start with?

(25:40):
Well, I loved your process of it, like commit number one. And I think we, we kind of tackled that already. It’s like, write it down, get it on paper so you can see it. It’s visual and make it, you know, something, those smart goals where it’s like specific, it’s measurable, it’s time oriented. We’ve got some very like black or white things around it.

(25:59):
I’m going to spend time with my family, 30 to 60 minutes a day. I will get up and spend time with God for an hour. I’m going to get up an hour earlier. So there’s a plan. It’s very clear. But then next is prioritizing it. Once we got the plan, we’ve got to prioritize. And this is where I’m so grateful for you. You just like sat down with me not too long ago.

(26:17):
And I came to you, I was like, Stef, I’m so overwhelmed, like I am doing all the things, but I’m drowning in all the things. And I’m starting to lose that posture of gratitude because I was like, gosh, I’ve got all these great things going on, but now I’m up at night and I can’t sleep because my brain is spinning and I’m starting to skip the gym, which is one of my top health is another one of my top values.

(26:35):
I’m starting to not do some of the things I prioritize because I’m drowning here. And so I call you the boundaries babe. You are this and you helped me set some boundaries.

(26:49):
So let’s talk about that. What the, basically the exercise that I took Jessika through, which is so great for you, guys, to do is to create a boundary blueprint if you will. And it’s really looking at all the commitments that are non-negotiable in your life, on one side of the paper or one side of the mind map, I use a program called mindmeister.com. It’s free. And you write all those down.

(27:11):
And then on the other side, you write down all the other things that you’re doing, but that aren’t a non-negotiable. So, happy hour with friends or volunteering at this thing or whatever those things might be. And you really want to look at it from a time perspective. So you just take like an inventory of three days of your life or a week of your life.

(27:31):
And then what you go through next is you prioritize these things and you need to start with the non-negotiables. How much time do those things take? Because you only have the timing you have. We’re all human. We’re all the same, 24 hours in a day. I hope you’re getting eight hours of sleep. It’s super important for your health, right Jess? We hope you’re fitting in your fitness and you’re treating your body like a temple.

(28:00):
It’s six to eight hours though, actually it’s six to eight. And take some pressure off those of you who can’t get eight because I’m one of them. And I just read this study that was like, they broaden it to six to eight casue so many bodies do great with just six.

(28:13):
Oh, I’m like, I need nine. I’m a grandma. It’s fine. So once you prioritize this map out, I want you to look then at the things that either truly are negotiable and you can move them off the list into the negotiable column, or they just don’t bring you joy at all. You need to evaluate those things and then have all the stuff that’s non-negotiable why are you doing it?

(28:39):
And sometimes your why will be like, cool, I love it. It brings me joy. Great, keep it moving over to the other column. But sometimes it’s like, I’m obligated. I feel like I should. I already committed, like why though? Like why can’t you decide that that doesn’t fit with your value system any longer and you have these new goals that you’ve come up with taht are more important to you.

(29:03):
You’re going to have to let the things go to put the new things in. So we really went through that map and just cut out, gosh, a handful of things that you were doing that you felt were not fulfilling you, were not fitting anymore. And it’s hard, right, Jess? Like what advice?

(29:22):
Well, I’m a recovering people pleaser, still in process. So a lot of the time when you were saying, well, Jess, this doesn’t fulfill you, this is an obligation, why are you doing it? It was like to please others. I think when you’re trying to set these goals, part of the process is like letting go of our people pleasing ways and saying like, no, I am worthy of prioritizing myself and my family and my values.

(29:47):
And sometimes that means disappointing other people. And that’s a hard pill to swallow. Like what I think I texted you like four or five times when I was trying to say no to one of the things on my list. I was like, I’m going to do it. And then I like, kind of said no. Before I actually said no, I think it is hard to do.

(30:05):
And it’s a hard thing to prioritize, especially if you’ve got the people pleasing tendency. But, it’s the only way, you’re right, like we only have 24 hours and it is the only way we’re going to make space for the things that we want to add to our lives, to grow and to have a life where we have it all is when we let some of those other things go and we prioritize the things that we are called to do.

(30:28):
And when you cut those five things out, you immediately had another hour to get back in the gym again, it was like, and you had this time to start working on your business at a deeper capacity. And that’s huge. For me, a lot of the things that were in my non-negotiables were tied to like, well, because someone else said I had to do that.

(30:45):
Cause I’m an achiever at heart and so I went, oh, I have to achieve, I have to, you know, say yes to this thing, because that means I’m doing good. Like, yay me. And so for me, it wasn’t a people pleaser as from an ego place of like, I have to be the big britches, I have to do the things. And so once I realized that, once you see the why of why you’re having all these things in your non-negotiable column, of this exercise, there’s such freedom in that.

(31:12):
Because then you can just say, well, that’s a lie I’m done with it. And the big truth is nobody really cared when I stopped doing some things. Like we have all this weight on ourselves and you gotta like, nobody’s even looking at you. Like the best thing someone ever told me, Jess, was no one’s even looking at you. They don’t even know what you’re doing or wearing. They don’t know what you’re saying on your pod. Nobody’s listening. They don’t care. The people we think care aren’t caring.

(31:38):
Totally. I think I have to just tell you, but somebody told me this too. It’s very similar to that. And at first it offended me, but now it’s, there’s so much freedom in it is that you’re not that important that anybody cares. Like, you’re really just not that important even if you are making an impact and you’re doing really good things, the reality is everybody’s watching their own movie and nobody’s paying that close attention to you.

(32:00):
And something that also helped me in shutting these doors and saying no is, knowing that like, if we’re doing something or achieving something or saying yes to something that really isn’t in our wheelhouse or our priorities, our values we’re like taking up space in someone else’s.

(32:16):
So like this thing I said no to, it was teaching at a university and that was really hard for me to say no to, but I’m like, wait a second, this is somebody else’s value. And we found another person to do it. And she was over the moon. She’s so thrilled to do it.

(32:32):
And I’m like, who am I to take up that space when I don’t want to do it? I’m probably not going to do a great job because I’m like resentful about it. And here’s someone who that’s really what she is called to do right now.

(32:45):
So good. That’s so much wisdom. So the next thing you guys are going to do is make time. So the three steps so far, we have commit, number one was commit, which means write down that smart, sticky, tactical. After you’ve done the values assessment and asking yourself why you have those.

(33:04):
The second one was prioritize. So do that prioritization playbook that I just walked you through. And then third one is you actually have to do it. Action. Take action. Be disciplined, be consistent. Let’s just give them some tips because this is the hardest part.

(33:23):
I actually think what we were talking about at the beginning is the best thing to do here is like maintain that posture of gratitude when you’re undergoing discipline. Actually this, I didn’t know this until a few weeks ago, one of my clients told me this, the definition of discipline is the practice of learning.

(33:40):
So we think of it as like kind of a negative, it has a negative connotation to it, right? Like if you don’t do this, you’re bad, but really discipline is the process of learning and staying in like this place of, okay, I’m working after the school.

(33:54):
And I’m learning about how my life changes when I commit and I follow through and there might be some good feelings associated with that. There might be some not so great feelings associated with this, but the act of discipline is showing up and doing it regardless and learning as you go.

(34:10):
So good. That makes me think of a verse that I love, Jess, Hebrews 12:11. And it says, discipline feels so uncomfortable at the time, but the fruit of righteousness after you’ve been trained by it. And so it’s like this concept for me of it is going to be uncomfortable for awhile, but there’s fruit on the other side of that discipline.

(34:31):
And, even makes me think of the work I’ve done with you, Jess. We’re like all just fall off, fall over, indulge for a week. And it’s like, why am I not sticking to this value, this goal tied value to treat my body like a temple, to be more, I feel better. And then you brought it back to me. It was like this really cool roundabout way of making me think about why, if you stuck to that goal, that’s tied to this value, why would that matter?

(35:01):
What would be different 90 days from now? What would be different, big picture for you? So instead of focusing on the tactical goal of like eat this certain way and you know, be disciplined in what you’re eating, it was more like, what happens when you eat that way?

(35:17):
How are you bigger and more impactful in the teaching that you do, in the business that you run and the impact that you make, in your family, the way you show up for them? And it brought me back to like this grounding, the centering of I have to eat that way because I have so much work to do in all these areas. I’m so here for it. And if I’m tired and sluggish and tooting, I can’t hang out with my family. Cause they’re running away from me.

(35:45):
It’s so true. I love it. You want to show up as your best self in all those areas and you don’t want to just like show up for your best self at your business and then be pooped out by four o’clock and it’s time to start fitting with them. And you’re like on a blood sugar crash because you had candy for three o’clock snack and didn’t eat a lunch and now you’re just not you. Oh, I love that , Stef. That’s so cool. Although you have boys, don’t they think tooting’s cool?

(36:12):
They do but my husband does not think.

(36:17):
My husband’s shames me cause he knows I get embarrassed. He’s like, oh, you’re so disgusting. And I’m like, oh, I hate you. Just stop. And it’s just shame me.

(36:26):
That’s so funny, Jess, I laugh hysterically. I think it’s so funny. I can’t stop laughing. I’m like crying and he’s like dying. The other day he came in and this all happened, you guys, cause I was overindulging in all the food. Cause we were, you know, had a family in town and we had all the, my body doesn’t process food like that very well.

(36:46):
Anyways, he comes into the bedroom to go to bed and he’s like, I can’t even sleep by you. I can’t, It’s lingering. And I was like, I was laughing so hard. I could not hold like contain myself. I’m a boy at heart, I guess, because I think it’s so funny, Jess.

(37:03):
That’s so funny. We always talk like our husbands are so much alike. I’m the girly one. I’m like I have the spray bottle next to my bed because when he’s letting it rip at night, I’m like your husband, I can not sleep in these conditions, this is terrible.

(37:20):
I love that.

(37:23):
So to not fart in bed, we need to implement discipline. It’s really the moral of the story.

(37:30):
Eat clean, sleep well. That’s the situation. The other thing here on this discipline concept for me is there’s this breakthrough that happens 21 to 30 days in, to like being consistent with a goal to where it no longer feels like a goal that you keep missing. It feels like a habit. Then this habit becomes something you don’t think about anymore and it becomes a routine.

(37:59):
And the only way you break a routine is you stop doing it. Something that you look forward to. It is just part of who you are. So the goal is to have it all. How do we create routines and habits out of these value-based goals in our life?

(38:19):
That’s when you start seeing this puzzle come together of all these different areas of your life. And I think that for me was a huge, like if I can get through 21 to 30 days of consistent discipline in this one goal, I’m not going to have to think about it anymore. And it’s been changed my behavior.

(38:37):
I love that. And I think it goes back to what you said earlier too Stef, about like forgoing that immediate discomfort, like when you had to wake up an hour earlier, I’m sure you were tired. You know? And like, I go to the gym in the morning. That’s my time. And I do my quiet time before I go to the gym. And when people ask me like, how’d you start doing that? I’m like, well, I didn’t wake up naturally at four in the morning at first, you know, if that is not something, any sane person does then after you do it for a period of time, it’s just what you do.

(39:07):
And I love that, but it is getting over that immediate discomfort. We call this like in therapy world, we call it clean discomfort where like the brain is wired to register discomfort and trigger your fight or flight response where it’s like, run, get away from this, we need to, this is bad. But there is something called clean discomfort, which is something you’re not used to, but it’s just uncomfortable because it’s not what you normally do. So recognizing that clean discomfort is very different than like, I can’t think of an example, but bad discomfort.

(39:41):
That’s so good. Y’all I hope that you got so much gold today. Let me recap for you, our steps here. So we wanted you number one to write down, what does it mean to you to have it all from a heart place, from a faith led place? What areas of your life and where and what would you be doing? So spend some time on that.

(40:05):
Then what we want you to do is we want you to go through a values assessment will link Jess’s below, or you could do a Google search and find your top three to five core values. Number two, ask yourself why these values are inherently important to you. Dig into each value and keep peeling the layer you guys have heard of the why exercise like, but why, but why keep asking until you get to the root and make sure it’s truly your value. Don’t be afraid to change them either.

(40:33):
Number three, you’re going to create one tactical sticky goal linked to each value. Look at 90 days out. Number four, you’re going to commit to the value by writing it down and, think of it really as a smart goal, make sure it’s something you can achieve. So it’s something specific, measurable, attainable. I don’t know what the R stands for and tactical.

(40:59):
Realistic.

(41:00):
And then number five, step five is to prioritize, do the prioritization playbook that I talked about with you, go through your time and see what you can get rid of. If any of you have social media on that map, I want you to ask yourself why you’re there. I want you to ask yourself what you’re doing there.

(41:16):
I want you to ask yourself what feelings it evokes for you when you spend time on that app. Is it pulling up the competition, the comparison, the MB, the I should look like this, I should be, you know, one of the biggest things I will not go off on a tangent Lord, help me. The biggest things I stand for is removing one thing from your life.

(41:35):
You can start with once a week, you’re going to not want it. You’re going to start doing weekends at a time. At this point, I have zero social apps on my phone at all. I don’t get on Instagram more than five minutes a week to check my messages. It’s created so much time. Look for those. What are those for you?

(41:55):
Just shaking my head because I am in full agreement with you. And that’s one of my favorite things about you, Stef, is this whole social media, you could go off on it if you want to. I’m all about it. You gave me that permission slip and I will be eternally grateful for you for that one.

(42:11):
Yeah. It’s looking for the things that…, look at your emotions that are tied to each of those priorities that you wrote down. Cause Jess said something earlier., she said, when I showed up for that thing, I felt resentful. I felt like I didn’t want to be there. I felt frustrated. Those are direct links to what you need to get rid of. So we’ll just leave that there.

(42:32):
Then the final step step, step six is to take action, disciplined, consistent action. That is a commitment. That is getting your booty out of bed every day. And it’s doing it until you pass 21 to 30 days and then looking in the mirror and going, wow, look at my life and then evaluate your life from 30 days prior and come report back to us.

(42:56):
Cause I am telling you, when you have a value led goal system that you are pulling from a heart space and you’re partnering with it with your goals and these values of who you truly are, you can have it all. You can be changed, you can be transformed.

(43:14):
I love it. So good, Stef. Are you setting to set any goals after this?

(43:19):
Absolutely. We should.

(43:20):
I’m like beacon, which ones am I going to set now? Because it’s about time to reevaluate, going into the new year

(43:26):
And this is a perfect time to do this exercise, my loves. So come share with us what your goals are. We both are hanging out in my Facebook group. Do you have a Facebook group, Jess?

(43:38):
Kind of like, I’m so bad at social media, but I do check my Instagram. So yeah, come say hello. I will see it. It just might take me a little bit of time.

(43:49):
And she’s @jessbrownrd and I’m really not on Instagram so you guys, come hang out with me in my Facebook group, which is Bit.ly/successsupportgroup. And we’re just excited to hear what goals you guys came up with.