In today’s chat with Jessica Hottle from Face off With Your Feelings, we dive into the lies that cripple us from healing and wholeness. Imagine how free you would feel if your feelings didn’t get the final say in your life, but God’s word did? If you were able to operate from a place of stillness, embodying the fruit of the spirit in everything you did – what would you life look like? Feel like? How this could transform your future?
Many of us allow our feelings to be the engine in our lives instead of the caboose.
We are run by our feelings when we run away from them. But as Jessica Hottle teaches, we no longer have to run and hide from our feelings. Our feelings can lead us into a deeper relationship with God.
Whether you feel too busy to slow down; believe you are not worth the time, the effort, or the fight; feel so overwhelmed with where to start; or have no idea how to take your thoughts captive, question your thoughts, or renew your mind, this book helps you create space, step-by-step, to heal the tender places of your soul. This conversation teaches you how worthy you are of love and healing because of our good Father in heaven.
- Changing the way you think about God to change the way you live with God,
- Creating the space you need to find healing,
- Discovering how to get the Word of God from your head into your heart,
- Experiencing the love of God through relationship and not works, and
- Finding freedom from shame about what you feel so you can heal.
I pray this blessed you! Enjoy! To order Jessica’s book, please visit https://www.jessicahottle.com/
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey girl. Hey, I’m so pumped to bring you today’s interview with Jessica Hottle. She is just absolutely the cutest thing on planet Earth. If you guys are gonna love her, and we’re talking today about how to get back to bored, like the last time you were okay with nothing with rest, with chillin, with being bored, with stillness, right? With soaking just, oh, like I’m so excited about this conversation. I think that we have this idea that being bored is bad.
And Jessica and I are here to tell you that being bored is so good, girl. So we’re really going to dig into healing the lies of your past and transforming your future. And I actually just, you know, I titled this, this pod Get back to board because I think that’s the entire message. And what I want you to take away from today’s episode is how to dig back into who you are without busy.
Now, who is Jessica Hottle, guys? She is just so fun. So cute. She’s the number one best-selling author. She’s written three books. Know Your Worth, A Worthy Wife and Own Your Worth. You can find her having dance parties, which I could totally see after meeting her. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and they are cat parents to Tux, Toya and Baby Nugs. Pull up a seat, heat up some coffee and come sit with us.
Friend, have you been trying to figure out a way to make money from home? Have you been struggling with what you could possibly do? That’s actually going to light you up and create more impact and income in your life. Have you tried all the things? Have you tried MLM only to be left, broke, and de-friended on social? Have you tried picking something random and selling it because your best friend, Susan is having success, but yet you can’t seem to make it work.
Do you feel like there’s nothing that you’ve been created to do that would possibly allow you to have time freedom, purposeful living and profit on your own terms? I’m here to tell you friend that is not true. You just haven’t figured out what your calling is. And I am all about that. That is my gifting. That is what I’ve been created for.
And I’m so excited to help you figure it out so that you can build a profitable online business from your calling. That is right. My friend, I’m so excited for you. I have a free workshop to help you figure this out. It’s a four step clarity framework and there’s a free workbook that goes with it. I think you’re going to absolutely love it.
All you got to do is go to stefaniegass.com, click on the free workshop button and get registered. This workshop is going to help you know what your calling is, have that direction and then teach you how to build a passive income business model from your calling. You’re going to love it. And I invite you to come join me. It’s totally free. And it’s totally fun. I’ll meet you there.
We are here. Hi, Jessica! Welcome to the show!
Oh, I’m so glad to be here. Thank you so much.
Yay. Well, we just had an amazing conversation on your podcast. So you guys have to go check that episode out. Just tell everybody what you do and a quick, how did you get there?
Oh yeah. So I’ve been an entrepreneur for more than 11 years. I am 33 at the time of this recording. And I started when I was about 20. I want to say 21, 22 but I worked at Joann fabrics. That was my first job ever. I started when I was 16 and it’s funny because I actually was late. It was a group interview. I was late to the interview was so afraid to go in and I didn’t show up. Like I just left. My boss at the time called in and she’s like, do you want another opportunity?
I share that story because it’s like right from the gate it’s I was afraid to start something new. So I was to call me back. I started working there at 16. I quickly rose the ranks into keyholder at 18 and then to, basically work as astore manager. And I’d worked there for eight years. And so in that time though, I was working three, like three jobs in the summer. I was working at like a Sharon Speedway, which is like a racetrack.
And then I was working in a golf pro shop and then I got to be a personal trainer. So I was personal training. I was teaching fitness classes at a college and at a studio. So as you can see, I know that, let’s do all the jobs to make all the money that I can from all these different avenues, overwork yourself and exhaust yourself.
And that’s what I did. And on top of that, that’s when I, at 22, I bought a house. That’s when I found Jesus. And that’s when I started my entrepreneur as an MLM, which I know you have history with as well of starting that.
And I was doing all these different things at once. And I realized like I don’t need all these different avenues if I focused on one and really put all my work into that. But a lot of that led to striving overwork, exhaustion, my body breaking down. And so now I am just loving to help people be set free from the lies that they believe about their body, about their faith, basically spirit, soul, body.
And that comes in the form of, you know, still fitness through an MLM, but also my books, the podcast, and you know, whatever I share on social media, but really just helping women be set free from the lies that they believe, because I believe them for so long too.
So good. I just love how God defines us and creates these perfect, like calling work for each of us. And that you’re so clear on what yours is, which is one of my big, you know, what I get so lit up about is like, what do you do? You know? And to hear I help women be set free from the lies that they believe. I’m so here for that.
So talk to me about, you mentioned that you found yourself striving a lot through this 11 year entrepreneurial period. And I know that a lot of my girls are in that, but maybe they’ve never heard of this before. So tell us what it means to strive. Like, can you define that?
I think for me, it’s working outside of grace, because I wanted to do all the things because I thought I had to take care of myself. And I think a lot of times we do that because if we think in our heads, like if I don’t take care of myself and my family, then who will, and so we go into this over-producing, we go into I have to show up, even though we might just be scrolling on Instagram, like I’ve met so many entrepreneurs that like, I’m working and I’m like, what are you doing?
Scrolling is not working. You know? And so for me, it’s really working outside of the grace that I’ve been called to, the grace that I’ve been given, the mercy that I’ve been given because striving is really just that idea that I’m my provider and not God. And that’s really, when I break that down, that’s really what it boils down to.
So raise your hand, ladies. Like how many of you are finding yourself in a striving season of life? Right? You’re working too hard, you’re overworking, for me I find that in a spirit of control will really take over, you know, like, oh, I have to figure this out, I have to do this, instead of why am I striving?
Like if God already has it all figured out, I need to take a step back. So what happened for you? You were in this constant striving, was there a moment or a period or a season where you had this realization that you were striving and then what did you do about that?
Yeah, I think for me, it took a long time. Like I’ve been in business for a while and it probably took, I call it in my spiritual father. He’s still my spiritual father, but he was who I needed in that season for about five years. And he was kind of just throwing things up, like, what are you doing? Why are you doing all of these things? Because I didn’t grow up with a family that spoke life into me that had guidance that said you can do anything.
I didn’t say, I didn’t hear, I love you. I didn’t hear I’m sorry. I didn’t hear any of those things. So that’s why I grew up thinking if I don’t take care of myself, then nobody’s going to, and for me, I just spent years because I listened to what everybody else was doing to be successful.
And then I just started doing webinars and this and that, and I was exhausted and I wasn’t getting the results because God was like, did I ever ask you to climb that mountain? And I was like, no, but I thought everybody else was doing it. So I was supposed to do it because that’s what people teach. Like, this is how I made, you know, this and you gotta do it too versus helping them kind of figure out.
For me, I think I had to differentiate between hard work and striving. I was praying about this yesterday so that people really understand the difference because we are called to till the ground, Adam from the beginning was called to work. So a lot of people go, well, how do I know the difference between striving and hard work? And so I started to kind of write these down like hard work has boundaries. Striving has no boundaries.
Hard work says I can rest. Striving says no sleep. Hard work says I have limits. Stress says, or the striving says push to exhaustion. The last one I wrote down was hard work says it knows when to say no. Striving says yes to everything. And I think those are two totally different things because we’re called to hard work. But striving is an operating outside of God’s will for your life.
It’s so good. You said we’re called to till the ground. And so those main components to inventory, are you in a hard work? Are you doing good works or are you striving? Is this, do you have boundaries? Are you giving yourself permission and actually taking rest? You have limits. You know, when and how to say no.
And are you actually saying it? That’s so amazing. So for everybody listening, going, oh, no, like I’m not doing those four things, Jessica. How did you transition to doing those four things? What tips do you have there? And what did that look like?
I always start no matter whatever I’m teaching somebody, how I’m teaching them to move through their feelings. It’s always awareness, always, because when we have conscious thoughts, those are the most pliable. They’re like, Play-Doh, we can mold them. So when we pick up our phone for instance, and I know we keep talking about social media, but that’s just the age that we’re in right now.
We pick up our phone. It’s consciously thinking why? Cause there’s many times I pick it up and I’m like, why am I here? So we have to actually ask ourselves, am I being intentional? Like, okay, I’m picking it up because I need to do this story for business. Or am I picking it up because I don’t want to deal with what I’m feeling because it’s a binge.
And so awareness is the first thing, because then we take awareness, then we can begin to one, go to God, acknowledge so that we can change. But if we don’t know what’s happening, we can’t begin to put systems and boundaries in place at all. If we’re not even aware of what we believe about why we’re doing it or what we’re doing at all.
Oh my gosh. I love that so much because I think that’s also one of the hardest things for women, especially in today’s day and age is being willing to even have the awareness. Like we know that there’s a timer on our phone that tells us how much time we’ve been on. I avoid it like the plague, because if I look at that, I bring awareness to myself and that those little guilt feelings that, oh, you’ve been picking up your phone too much today there’ll be validated because you did.
And so I love this so much of having this conscious decision. I could just, for myself, I could see myself putting a sticky note, Jess, like on my computer where I sit to do my work with the big word, WHY? And then especially on my phone that shoot our screensaver, you guys. Why? Like, why am I picking this up? That’s that right there. This entire interview, it’s worth that piece of advice right there. Why am I touching this phone? Why am I going over here?
Why am I doing this? Because you get, as you have a choice, right? You can make choices from the flesh or you can make choices from the spirit. Your spirit will always give you discernment right then and there, when you ask that question, why? The holy spirit will lead you.
And I think it really helps to go into am I, when we go to why we go, is this a boundary? Am I choosing boundaries? Or am I not? Because then it goes into, well, I’m only doing this because I don’t feel seen right now. You know, I’m picking up my phone because I want to see how many people commented and liked, or then that, like you said, we’ll either verify or validate or not validate if I’m seen or not.
And so that really helps us get even further down into basically like the title of my book, Face off with your feelings. It’s like, we need to be able to confront and go to the root so that the fruit changes.
So that let’s go through an example of this. So I touch my phone, I see why on my new screen saver. And I’m like, I’m feeling super bored, my kids are being obnoxious and I’m trying to escape from the noise of my house. And I also feel like I need, I’m wondering if I have DMs. So let’s say that, that’s how I answer this. There’s no real reason I’m getting in there. I guess the question, the thing becomes that I’m bored.
So I guess I would write that down and say, okay, you’re feeling bored. Why are you bored? What would you do with this example? Like what would those feelings be that? And what are the questions that you would prompt me to ask those feelings or those questions you’d have me ask myself about the awareness that was just brought up.
I love boredom, we need to get back to boredom. I don’t even think we’re truly bored most of the time when we say that we’re bored. Cause in the back of our mind, we’re still thinking about all the things that we need to do. Boredom really creates space in your brain so that you can think clearly, that you can process clearly that you can create space to heal so that you can create times, so that you can begin to bear the stories in your life versus like, I need to fix it.
Cause there’s times where you might not be feeling anything, you really might just not have anything to do. But when I start working with people, no matter the age, 65, 50, no matter the age, 25, it still comes back to this. They’ve been so disconnected from their feelings and their body because they’ve overworked, they’re over strived, they’re exhausted.
They’re taking care of their family, they’re feeding that they don’t know what it’s like to have joy, to laugh from their belly, to play board games, to walk without listening to a podcast, to have a friend date without agenda or to-do lists, like it’s church, I have to meet this person. When I asked people, what do you like to do for fun? They usually can’t answer.
And the reason why is because I remember about three to four years into my business, somebody saying to me, what do you like to do for fun? And I didn’t have an answer because all I knew was work. I knew to take care of people. I knew I had to show up everything was to create an outcome for my future. And that meant money or just something that was different than what I grew up with.
And so that’s why when you get bored, I’m like, well, what do you like to do for fun? Do you know? Do you like to read, do you like to take baths? Like what is it? And getting back to that place, because that will bring you joy with the Lord as well.
This is so good. And I see such a clear visual of Stefanie, you know, 2015, living in all of those lies, that disconnection and that constant tug. And I think I have, by the way, you’ve just titled this podcast episode, which is Get back to board. I’m obsessed. I love it, forever. That’s what the book needs to be called.
And then, Stefanie now, and you asking me like, what do you like to do for fun? I was immediately able to answer you like mountain bike, take baths, I love to go to long, drawn out dinners. I like to go for a walk with nothing. And just, I like to sit out on my patio and just stare at the trees. Cause I can see God in the trees and the birds and the wind, …
And you hear them.
Hear them. Your senses are heightened in this like incredible way. The clouds I’m like, oh my gosh, look at God’s canvas. This it’s just this awareness that you’re sitting with God every day and you get to feel that fulfillment, the gifts. But instead of taking His gifts, we want to stay in the phone prison, right?
Like we want to stay in the tiny, invisible walls of social media and phone and busy and striving and imagine what you’re missing, like imagine. So these are all lies, right, Jessica? These are lies that we’re believing, talk about these lies of the world and how we begin to know God’s truth and rewrite them.
What I like to describe this as is to know the truth is to know the fruit it produces. So for me, when people are like, how do I know if it’s a lie? Or how do I know if it’s truth? I go, well, what kind of fruit is it producing in your life? Because a lie will typically lead to division, separation, exhaustion, just any kind of division like dividing, deception, something that takes you further from God that usually brings down your mood, not lifts your mood, any cues like that is typically when you’re believing a lie and it leads to always back to identity. You’re not good enough.
You’re not worthy. Your voice doesn’t matter. Those are kind of like the next year that you’ll probably experience. So to know God’s truth is to know the fruit it produces as well. That typically will be redemption, restoration, healing, joy, courage, strength. Whatever I’m thinking, what is it producing chemically and physically in my body?
Because when we’re stressed and we’re believing lies, we put our head down, we walk with our head down. Our shoulders might shrug. Our body posture will resemble the thoughts that we believe about ourselves and about other people.
Wow. That’s so powerful to me. I love these light cues. So the light cues, you guys, what feeling is it producing? So I challenge you when you get on social media for that 30 minutes of random scrolling, what emotion do you feel when you get out? Like, do you feel elated, redemptive, joyful, courageous, strengthened?
No, you probably feel comparison. You probably feel maybe kind of off, you’re probably lacking, discontent. And also when you look at the physical, what is it doing? Well, if your child’s talking to you at the same time, I guarantee you that you’re not paying more attention and looking in their eyes more than you’re looking at the phone.
You’re irritated. They’re pulling from you. Like this is so great because you can look at that and go, oh my gosh, I’m pouring into a lie right now, simply from these light cues, like this is blowing my mind. I’m so obsessed with this. I love it. And when you look at that walk, outside with the birds, you left your phone at home.
Lord hopefully you’re in a safe neighborhood. If not, you know, you got your mace, whatever you’re taking that walk. And you’re like, you’re soaking in, going for a hike, and you can sense God in the trees, you can hear the birds at a higher level. You have all these wonderful thoughts and you’re done with that walk.
How do you feel? Right? You feel elated. You feel filled, you definitely have some new revelation to walk away from and you can coin that as truth. Right? So for me, what I’m pulling from this amazing lesson is that everything we do, when we ask ourselves that why question then we take a look at the lie cues or the truth cues can be categories, right, Jess? Like this is either a lie or a truth. Is there a middle ground?
Well, because scripture is clear. The words that we speak are life or death. So truth or lie, there is no middle ground. I mean, scripture over and over again says that these are your two options. And the spirit’s after the flesh and the flesh after the spirit. And so there’s this opposition constantly between our flesh and God’s truth. And so for us, that’s why we like our words are so powerful, which is why I talk so much about that in the book of what we speak, we become and our life follows, our most dominant thought. Is because our words are energy.
Do you know what I mean? I’m not even, this isn’t like the, the woo hoo kind of people like this is real scripture. If you read through Proverbs all over, does he say that, you know, my words are life and strength to your bones and health to your flesh. Just one out of many that talks about meditating on his word and how it physically changes our bodies, but also our minds. So it’s only life or death or truth or lie.
Yeah, exactly. The tongue has the power to speak life or death. And that verse has always stuck with me. And that’s a reason why we have to be slow to speak. Right? You have to think and discern through what is coming out of my mouth and slow to now make decisions. Like we make so many decisions. We don’t have to live on this autopilot of decision-making. We don’t have to live on this multitude of multitasking.
We don’t have to live because we do what we’ve always done. Like we have a choice and today is a new day. And this minute is a new minute to decide that you are going to be yoked up with God. You are going to be connected to your feelings. You were going to constantly inventory. You know, like Jess mentioned earlier, bring that awareness, that why question to everything you’re doing and then make the intentional choices to change that behavior.
Just change it. And this is, I feel like this is easy for me to say, because I’m sitting here now, like one of the hardest things was to make those choices to change. How do we do that, Jess? What are some tactical, intentional things we could do to go, oh my gosh, I have some things I really need to change in my life.
Yeah. It’s so funny because we want change, but we don’t. When we start to get changed, we don’t want it. Cause we’re like, I don’t want to do what it takes to change because every day we’re like, I want to change my body. I want to change my workouts. And then as soon as we start putting those action steps in, we’re like maybe not so much. And a lot of that has to do with how we programmed our brains to believe, the neuropathways that we’ve created over and over, because we’ve had this routine for so long.
But for me, change also starts with, you know, as an author to retell a story and to change something, I have to reread the story. So if I wrote three paragraphs, if I need to change that, I have to go back and reread it. So that means that practically speaking in life, we actually have to bear our stories to change our stories.
So we are run by our emotions when we run away from them. So that’s where it’s really easy for women to feel shame, to feel guilt. And I’m not saying we live in our past, but I’m saying we have to begin to get to a point where we don’t feel the guilt and the shame and the horror of our past, but that we know that Christ has redeemed us from our past. That our past is also powerful for our future so that we can walk in the glory to glory that he’s called us to.
But if we’re constantly running from our story or minimizing our story, that’s doing us no good. It’s actually hindering us more than helping us. So we need to actually be able to go back to our stories and look and heal and to rewrite them with God. So that today we’re not living in our past, even though we’re in our present right now, because most of us in our present in this very moment are living from past.
Wow. And that’s what your book does, your book that you’re working on now, it’s almost ready. And I think that’s so helpful because even for me asking that question, I’m looking for like, you know, okay, I just started deleting the apps. Like it’s not just something tactical, it’s something super emotional. It’s something that is going to take a lot of healing work.
And I think when we hear that word healing work, it’s just elusive. It’s like, I don’t even know where to start or what that means. And so what word of advice do you have for those going great, I want to bear my story so I can change it. I want to rewrite these lies from my past with God. What’s that final piece that they need to hear.
I keep thinking about the first chapter I wrote in my book and it really talks about Jesus and the paralytic man and his friends kind of coming down, you know, bringing him down and Jesus, you know, I’m paraphrasing the words, but basically says, which is easier to say that you are healed or that your sins are forgiven. And the whole premise of that when I was doing some research and reading is really this idea that the physical healing was an extreme, like it was a miracle.
The reality is it was also carnal, meaning I could see it with my eyes. To say, your sins are forgiven is guess what? The inner work that nobody sees that is the greater miracle actually then the physical. For Jesus go to the cross and to die for you was one of the, we could never repay that.
And so what I’m trying to say is that most of the times, when we think about healing, we go, well, what’s it going to tangibly produce for me? Because everything we do in business, we think there’s A plus B equals C. If I do X amount of posts, if I do this podcast, if I write this email, I can get a hundred dollars or I can get so many followers or subscribers or whatever. And so we look at healing the same way. We go, well, what can I do?
What does healing really gonna benefit me if I heal from this lie? How is it really gonna change my life? How’s it going to change my kid? Is it going to change my finances? Am I all of a sudden going to get, you know, the $500 that I need, which is why I believe so many of us don’t pursue healing is because we don’t believe healing is worth it.
And healing is the catalyst to all of this that we’ve talked about today.
It’s literally the root system, you know, cause our root system and I explained this in the book, it’s one of my favorite images the Lord gave me about the tree, but our root system is made up of lies, memories, beliefs, God’s word. And so what’s in our roots is going to determine how the tree grows, how strong it grows, what kind of fruit it produces on the tree, how it affects every single area of our life.
So we cannot escape healing. So if you want to be angry and bitter, because you don’t think it’s worth it, then every single area of your life is going to produce probably some kind of death so to speak, meaning it’s not going to bear the fruit that you want it to because we’re carrying whatever root that is into the other area of our life.
Like you look at an apple tree and you go, oh, I wish this apple would bear fruit, you know, would actually create red, juicy, amazing apples. And you go and you start sprinkling, like plant seed on the branch. You’re like, come on, make an apple. And it’s like, what? You have to go to the root and you have to pull the weeds and then you have to plant, you know, all of that plant food in there, you have to water it.
You have to love on the tree. You have to make sure the sunlight is right. Like there’s all of these pieces that go into healing from the root and then ultimately create that blossoming apple tree. So such a good visual. Yeah.
And to say out on that really quick was, you know, something that we’ve been learning, especially I’ve been learning in church and in reading is for a fruit to grow, a seed has to die. And we have to really look at this, is that a seed? No matter the seed, a seed always has life. Think about it. You can plant any kind of seed in the ground and it will grow with the right fertilizer, right?
So therefore a seed at any moment has life, but the life has to be then put into the ground so that it can die to produce the fruit. So we don’t put like a, you know, an acorn in the ground and then get like a massive acorn. So it’s the same thing with corn. We don’t put like a big or a corn seed in it and then hope the seed just gets bigger off above the ground. No, we get a corn stock with multiple corn. Right.
And so it’s the same thing with healing or whatever you’re facing right now, whatever feelings or things that you’re believing, like put them in the ground so that they can die. So that new fruit can be born in your life.
And multiplied cause that’s the purpose of the corn. Right? Like there’s so much potential. There’s so much fruit and you didn’t walk through those lies on accident. Like we’ve talked about in today’s episode, multiple times, it was for a purpose and God will not waste anything and he will use it for good. So you have to bring it to him. I love this so much, Jessica, where can everybody hear more of your goodness, check out your book and connect?
You can go get my book at jessicahuddle.com/books. It’s been a labor of love for over two years. So let’s Face off with your feelings together and you can come hang out with me on the podcast, of course too, at What’s the truth? And you’ll find Stefanie there as well.
Yes. Amazing. Well, thank you, my friend, for blessing us today!
Thank you so much!