Ew. I’m so offended. Why would she say that? Do that? Think that? Buy that? Look at me that way? Girls, it’s time to choose to be unoffended!
Any of those come outta your mouth lately? I know they’ve come out of mine!
I’m totally guilty of taking things personally – and in the past few months, I kept finding myself OFFENDED. DUN-DUN-DUN….
In today’s episode we dig into the reality that we have a CHOICE in taking offense, or choosing to be UNOFFENDED.
When we look through a biblical lens, we clearly see that God is calling us to live above the fray. That taking on someone else’s ish, thoughts, negativity, limiting beliefs, or ______(Insert whatever, here) we are CHOOSING to play the world’s game. It’s time to (as my father-in-law says) “be the bigger person”.
Let’s dive into HOW we can choose to stay UNOFFENDED in a world that’s… well… full of it – pun totally intended.
Build up resilience and rise above the fray with me – we have work to do, sisters.
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey sisters today, we are talking about this concept of being unoffended. Did you realize that there is a choice when it comes to finding offense in what someone else says in the way that somebody else reacts to something? And we actually have an internal decision to make when it comes to choosing to be offended or being unoffendedable.
In the past couple of months, I found myself offended. And when I think about it, I think, wow, how immature of me, number one. And secondly, is that what God would want for me? Would he want me to be offended? Would he want me to be bent out of shape over something that someone else is dealing with projecting or the way in which they’re reacting?
And my answer is definitely no, he would not want that for me. So I figured in case any of you find yourselves, sometimes offended feeling some type of way about somebody or something, or even politically that you see on the, on the interwebs or whatever that this episode might be helpful for you too. I’m excited to help you put on that armor so you can be unoffendable. Let’s do it.
I thought it’d be fun to highlight a couple of my incredible reviewers who have taken the time to just leave a written review for the show. You guys I’m so grateful. Um, gosh, almost 300 episodes of free, insane value for you where I pour out free coaching, free support. And the best thing you can do is thank me.
I just want to highlight a couple of you because I’m so, so thankful for you taking the time to leave these amazing reviews. So Kristin, from More to Motherhood podcast, “so much value obsessed. I cannot say enough about Steph as a coach. She is absolutely incredible and I doubt I’ll ever let her go. So if you can definitely try to grab a spot with her, I just love this podcast. So much value and amazing lessons.
Love hearing the coaching calls. Not only does it get me pumped up about building my business and podcast, but it also gives me joy and fuels my faith. Thank you for showing up for us, Stef. Can’t get enough of your podcast.” Thanks, Kristin, love you, Sis. A shout out now to Kelly Tyan “Live coaching. All of Stefanie’s shows are incredible for me. She really teaches us exactly what to do in our businesses to be better each week. She is a game changer for me with hands on strategy.
I am implementing daily, plus Jesus. What more can a girl asked for?” Thank you, Kelly. Grateful for you. A shout out to Bethy D. “A must listen. This podcast is a must listen. Stefanie is the real deal. She has a heart for Jesus and her listeners. I’m so glad I found her when she was a guest on another favorite podcast, I always learn something and always feel it was a good use of my time. She has the heart of a servant, not a sales person.”
Thank you so much, Bethy. You guys. I’m so grateful for you and, Lola’s, if you have been here for over three episodes, you’re a part of my sisterhood. You’re a part of my community. You matter to me and I’m so here for you. The number one thing I can ask you to do for me, that’s completely free in exchange for this show, staying free and being here to serve you guys is to go leave a written review on the Apple podcast app.
It’ll take you 30 seconds. Head on over there, just or do it from your phone right now. Scroll down and then click write a review. I’m grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And let’s get into the content. All right. So let’s first talk about the concept of offense. The word offense actually comes from a Greek word and I don’t know if I’m saying this right y’all but you’ll get the gist skandalon S K A N D A L O N.
And basically a skandalon was part of an animal trap that held bait. And the purpose of this was to learn in a victim. So ugly offense is a bait. Offense is bait that will learn us, learn people into a trap. And what is that trap? Well, that trap is frustration.
It’s anger, it’s bitterness, it’s reactiveness, it’s snide comments. It’s internal resentment, and on and on and on. Basically when we are taking offense, we’re taking the bait of someone else’s trap, their skandalon okay? Okay. And it’s a temptation. I want you guys to think of choosing, take the bait, choosing to take offense as a temptation, and you have to discern if you’re going to take that bait or not.
Hey, I’m super guilty of this in the past month alone, I feel like I’ve been offended at least three times from three different situations. Whether it be a person, something that was said on social media, something that’s not even anything to do with me. And I’m over all types of offended, you know, I’m like, Oh, like, well, geez, what about that? And, and like, you can feel that internal boil that internal turmoil.
I should say something, I should do something. I should post something. I’m not going to talk to them. I’m not going to respond. I’m going to give them the cold shoulder. And if any of those reactions are so immature, so ridiculous, so unfounded in Christ. They are 101% worldly. And the enemy loves us to take offense, sisters.
He loves us to be bent out of shape all up in our negative emotions. Because when we do that, we can’t focus on doing good. We can’t focus on reacting in love. We cannot foster kingdom change here when we’re over here offended, you know what I’m saying? So here’s what I want to invite you to do is I want you to first take note of what’s triggering you to be offended. You know, in my case, there are certain people or situations that will offend me.
And I know it. And I’m like on heightened awareness, like looking for offenses, like, what’s she gonna say to me now? Like, I’m just like over here waiting to get offended. You’re constantly like on the defensive. Well, if you’re constantly waiting for the offense and you’re waiting in the defensive, you’re open to taking the bait, you’ve got to let it, you’ve got to first identify some of the things that are triggering you to be offended so that you can have awareness of not taking the bait.
Don’t step on the trap. Don’t walk into the trap. I’m over here with open arms, like trap me. I am choosing to be offended by you easily. So instead I have to identify those people, places, things, opinions, posts, even platforms that, that heightened my ease of being offended so that I can either A) stay away from it, avoid it, unfollow it unfollow them.
And then choose to kind of remove myself from those situations. Because if you’re away from the trap, you can’t get caught in it. You feel me. Now here, here’s something a little bit more deep and realistic is that sometimes the things that we identify as being triggering for us to be offended by are people like literally in your family, maybe even in your household, maybe something you cannot avoid something at work, a coworker, a close friend, maybe you’re having a beef with someone.
So in those situations, you can’t necessarily avoid it, but you can put on the armor of God and choose to not take the bait and to rise above it. A lot of times it means being the bigger person, which is, yeah, it’s hard because our egos tell us that we have to stand up for ourselves. We have to defend what we feel and who we are and our opinions. But again, again, that is not Christ-like or simply taking the enemies trap and falling prey to that.
So when you’re tempted to be offended, I challenge you to right away, just choose to forgive. Don’t give that resentment, that frustration, the bitterness, the negative emotion, a chance to take control. When you allow it to come in, it roots itself inside of your psyche, inside of your heart. And it’s like a weed gets planted inside of your garden. You know how fast a weed can grow.
If any of you have ever planted a garden, if any of you have a yard, you realize when one weed, one little tiny weed of bitterness, resentment, frustration, anger, or, offensiveness gets planted, that weed can quickly grow. It grows faster than the beautiful blossoms.
It grows faster than all the work you’ve been doing to, to create this beautiful garden. And that weed will take over. So we have to immediately say, Oh no, this weed is trying to get into my garden, trying to get into my heart. I am going to lay down the plastic so it can’t even grow. I’m going to pull it out.
I’m going to, I’m going to disregard it. I’m going to get rid of it. I’m going to identify that it’s here and I’m going to let it go. I’m going to forgive the weed for coming in. Like it’s not the weed’s fault. It really, truly, a lot of times somebody is not coming in at us with the intention of offending. We’re just so over-sensitive right now, we are so heightened and we are so looking for those offenses. So the first thing is to choose to forgive immediately.
The second thing is to say that forgiveness out loud and to pray over that forgiveness. If you guys have ever heard of praying for your enemies, that is a thing. It is in scripture. It is a direction that we receive from God and, and praying over and forgiving people who are offending us is no different. It also allows us to maybe have some insight into why that person thing or situation feels a certain way.
It allows us to come from a place of love instead of a place of persecution. And just so y’all know, I’m not making this crazy stuff up. Okay. Matthew 5:44, “but I tell you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Not persecute them back, not comment back and battle your way to the death on social media. No love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
The direction is clear. So number one is to inventory the triggers— what is easily offending you and best bet stay away from it or them or unfollow it. Secondly, inventory the way that you can react, because sometimes we cannot remove ourselves from certain people, places or things, thoughts, etc. So then inventory put up your barrier and come from a place of prayer and forgiveness first.
And then third, communicate, just communicate. I believe that when things come out into light, they lose their power. When things are spoken, when words are spoken, the truth will set you free. There are situations where sometimes you just need to have this conversation like, Hey friend. When you say these types of things, to me, it hurts my heart. And I find it kind of offensive. I don’t want to be offended. Like, is there any way we can talk this out?
Or is there any possibility that you don’t talk about that certain subject with me or you don’t speak to me in that way? Or, um, we just take a breather. Like sometimes you just need some time, like there have been friendships in my life where I’ll find it triggering, I’ll find it offensive. I just take a break from that person. It’s not something they’re necessarily doing to me.
It’s something they’re doing in their own life. I just need to take a minute and recognize that, Hey, that is not my problem. That is not my weight to bear. I’m able to come back to them with a fresh perspective. So that third thing is to communicate, to have those conversations if possible, and when you’ve prayed over it and got that go ahead from God. And then the last thing is perspective.
Recognizing that often when you are offended, it’s actually not even about you. Oh my gosh, we are so egocentric right. As humans. And we’re like, everything is towards me about me. Ah, like actually, no, people are also focused on themselves, their problems, their opinions, them, them, them, them, them. We’re in this culture of self, right? Self-love, self-empowerment, self-validation self, just speaking up for yourself.
Instead of being a culture about selflessness, less of me, more of God, less of my opinion, more of God’s word, less of my ego and more of selflessness and what God says that I need to do in this situation, which is pray for enemies. Right? And love others, no matter what. So it’s that perspective shift of no, I don’t deserve to be right. I don’t deserve to even have an opinion on certain things I don’t deserve to win.
I instead am responsible for being the bigger person, which is such a perspective shift. And it’s so culturally weird, like you are definitely not going with the norm because the world has normalized self and reactiveness and fighting and bickering, but it’s not God’s way.
We have to choose God’s way, right? We are the kingdom fighters. We are his daughters. We are here together in this to be the difference to be the actual change in a world full of offended people. Let’s be the unaffordable. Okay. Like instead of the Avengers, we’ll just be like the unoffended apples. All right, sisters like post up a screenshot of this episode and hashtag like the unoffendable for me.
Let’s just start a ripple effect of more, love, more forgiveness, more prayer, less of me, more of him. You with me? Let’s pray. Father. I pray over everyone listening to this episode that you would just help us in, in minimizing our ego and reducing self inside of each of us and heightening you. Your way, your goodness, your forgiveness, your incredible perspective of being less so that we can be more goodness, more friendship, more love, and be the example for others of what it means not to be stepped on.
Not to, not to be quiet all the time, but to be an example of you, the way that you would react, the way that you would forgive and just open us up to what that might feel like and the difference inside of our hearts, when we choose to be unoffended, we’re grateful for you. We are grateful for the constant renewing of your mind that your scripture brings and the guidebook, the rule book that you have for us. We thank you for that. And we just lean into you.
Father, keep directing us, leading us. We trust you. We love you in Jesus name. Amen. Love and light, Stef.